THE FESTIVAL INSIDER Who’s getting up to what

I Dannii Minogue is back in Edinburgh, except she's not. She is the SUDJGCl of two Festival Revue television broadcasts. In one of them she takes issue With Journalists who have labelled her a ‘difficult primadonna’. Insider would like to draw your attention to Miriogue's poor attendance record early in the run of Fringe show Lady Macbeth a few years back. Although Dannii was unable to make it down to the Botanic Gardens for all of the performances. she was able to swan about nearby Stockbridge with a man on her arm. But she's not a prima donna. Dannii Minogue. Festival Revue. Princes Street Gardens, 12 a 18 Aug. time tbc.

I When people you meet abroad teach you a few words of the local lingo. they're often swear words. Petra Massey from Spymonkey confirms this trend. Touring the international circuit with a physical comedy set in a funeral parlour. she has learned to say ‘cunt’ in six languages: French. Swiss. German. Spanish, Finnish, Hungarian (where it actually means sheep-shagger). That particular four-letter term came in handy when c0ping with less than adequate technical support on the European leg of Spymonkey's tour. Whether such terminology will be of use in Edinburgh is another thing. Spymonkey's Cooped (Fringe)

Bfibe

2 for 1 on all your

favourne THESPIANS

Pleasance. 1—27 Aug, 7.25pm; Spymonkey’s Stiff. Pleasance. 20—27 Aug. 1 1 .30am.

I Here's another trend: the shameless. but often very imaginative bribing of commissioning editors by Fringe performers. It's early days yet. but The List has already received: a miniature television set full of tags and sweets (the kind of thing Blue Peter should have taught kids how to construct) from Wild On TV!. a very long tube full of cans of Tennents Velvet from Velvet Laughter Master Series. a Peperami sausage from Ubersausage. a red nose from Sleeping Beauties. a train that lights up and prints its own rail tracks from Theatre Cryptic. a stick of rock from Hedwig And The Angry Inch (Fringe show not Film Festival movie). a box of matches from 'The Emotional Cripples (The Visionary). a condom from Temporarily Yours. plus a cuddly toy and fondue set from Bruce Forsyth (not really). Insider speaks for everyone at The List in saying keep the bribes coming. they work. Assume all shows mentioned above are 0.0...

I Ever wondered how performers prepare for their Fesnval appearances? American movie star. Sylvia Miles (Midnight Cowboy, The Last Movie. Warhol's Heat) has taken to swimming daily back in New York in preparation for her Fringe show. It ’3 Me Sylvia Live And On Film. Not bad for a lady now in her 70s. Insider looks forward to

Miles' straight and uncensored talk about her successful and remarkably wild career. It's Me Sylvia Live And On Film (Fringe) Pleasance Dome, 13. 15. 17—19. 21—27 Aug. 4.45pm.

I ‘l'd like to book some tickets for Wiping My Mother’s Arse. please.‘ ‘Certainly madam. Will that be one or two cheeks. I mean seats?‘ Despite this kind of potentially embarrassing scenario. the Traverse ticket-buyers have been quite comfortable requesting tickets for Iain Heggie's black (or is that brown?) comedy. Wiping My Mother's Arse (Fringe) Traverse. 4—25 (not 6. 13. 20) Aug. times vary.

I Nice coup. the Fringe getting fashion guru Paul Smith to design its T-shirts. It's come to Insider's attention that Paul Smith is a big fan of his own name. Not only is all Paul Smith merchandise marked with the designer's scrawl. but we now hear that he plans to produce a Paul Smith menswear catalogue photographed by fashion photographer Paul Smith with clothes modelled entirely by people called Paul Smith. Being Paul Smith. indeed.

I The Fringe claims the piece de resistance of its promotional campaign has made a significant contribution to this year's record box office increase of £150,000. The viral marketing campaign advertising a 2 for 1 ticket offer is a play on the word thespians. It operates across the web by getting people to ton/yard a 20- second video clip as an attachment to those they think would get the joke. To receive the advert by email. send a message to thespians@edfringe.com.

' WHAT DID

Alison

Settlement Technically

YOU THINK?

«31 :- Edmundio Robot Designer . ' :-- Not a big fan of

~ Jeff Koons; it's Shiny happy bullshit fOr shiny happy bullshit people. About as intellectual as an American TV ad.

~ Architect. Mars a?”

brilliant. nice hair. bit of a hair fetish actually . . . his minions are good. very good.

6 THE LIST FESTIVAL GUIDE 2-9 Aug 2001

Jeff Koons, Easyfun-

Joanna Rocket Maker (Muffin 73)

Nice sweetcorn, liked the sweetcorn. but baSically it's Disneyfication of

pop artology.

HIGH FIVE

KEN CAMPBELL, author of Let Me Out (Southside, 3—26 Aug, 7.45pm) chooses his favourite ventriloquists.

1 Terri Rogers (UK) With her outrageous chum Shorty. she was able to take on working mens' clubs. stag dos and mass gatherings of heckling drunks. And win.

2 Jeff Dunham (US) with Peanut is formidable. See audiences duck out of the eyeline of puppet Peanut as he scans the punters for his next victim.

3 Dan Horn (US) The outrageous element of Dan‘s vent routines are his dummies; gestures. worked traditionally by simple remote stick. The rudery with a dog and a balloon is unforgettable.

4 Lynne Trefezger (US) I love it when Lynne gets punters up. gets them to noiselessly open and close their mouths. Lynne supplying them with coarse. surreal voices and comments.

5 Nina Conti (UK) leaped ahead of all competition on my most recent ventriloquism course. Nina's ability to talk out of her arse may well rocket her to international infamy.

JACKIE CLUNE, currently

Bitchin’ at the Assembly

Rooms until 27 Aug, chooses five reasons to give up lesbianism.

1 No Nice Single Women Most lesbians I meet are like Grant Mitchell but less articulate. The first time I met the Mitchells I thought it was a video of my 30th birthday.

2 Lipstick Lesbians They all wear T-shirts emblazoned with “Porn Star' or ‘Sex Goddess'. Weird. because real porn stars don‘t go around with T-shirts saying ‘Admin Assistant'.

3 Sex It's too exhausting. you have to take it in turns. I'm not sexually lazy but my last girlfriend had a Stannah stair lift installed so I'd go down on her.

4 The Hair I can't do the hockey mullet look.

5 Dildos Real cocks don't leave buckle marks.

Ethereal exhibition Fruitmarket Gallery

Matthew Designer. Small ., Fish Design

" -. Not my cup of ' tea and I don’t have muCh respect for an . artist who ' doesn't do the work himself.