"Look at all these weird people on the web.” says Fountain. ‘I wanted to say I'm one of them. Around 65% of all intemet traffic is sex related. so I suspect in Edinburgh we'll get quite a lot of people with gaydar profiles. This is community theatre for the sexually dysfunctional. I suppose the serious side is about seeing what sex is really about. It‘s a late night show in which we all own up that we're a lot tougher than we think we are and that sex isn‘t about soft focus lighting and flowers. it‘s about breaking the rules.‘ Fountain is into water sports (don’t ask) and is unperturbed about the illegality of showing images of erect penises (including his own) on stage. ’l‘ve never read the obscenity laws.’ he laughs. ‘Are there some in Scotland? It‘s great seeing your cock that big on a screen.‘ Someone else who’s witnessed more than his share of tumescent members is Jim Jeffries. the Australian stand-up and sometime presenter of Sex in Their Eves on the Playboy channel. Porn Idol is his response to an industry that has obsessed him ever since he worked in a newsagent and had the job of taking the
Dirty Fan Male keeps abreast of the times (left), while Tim Fountain (below), checks out some dens for debauchery
‘I'VE NEVER READ THE OBSCENITY LAWS BUT IT'S GREAT SEEING YOUR COCK THAT BIG ON SCREEN'
unsold magazines to the bin. hanging on to the top-shelf titles for his own use.
Ironically. according to Jeffries. it‘s the porn stars who lead the most conservative lives. 'I got to know a load of porn stars off camera.” he says. 'If you ever go to a party with them. everything you imagine about coked-up. silicon-breasted women goes out the window. I went and played Trivial Pursuit with them. Comics are way more wild than porn stars. You'll see more comics causing mayhem around Edinburgh than you will porn stars in Las Vegas.’ If that’s too tame for you. Jeffries does promise to call a sex line live on stage. ’There will be a bit of smut.‘ he concedes.
But however funny the makers of pom are. there is nothing funnier than the consumers. At least those discovered by record-label boss Jonny Trunk, who has gathered letters written to pom stars between 1997 and 2002. In Dirty Fan Male. already a cult CD. those letters will be read by an actor in all their grubby. semi-literate glory. Whether it’s the punter turned on by Hillary Clinton's skin. the Elvis clone beaten up en route to a table dancing competition or the guy who wants to take a page three girl to see The Shawshank Redwnptimz. it’s a case of the truth being more hilarious than fiction.
Tim Fountain: Sex Addict, Assembly Rooms, 226 2428, 6-30 Aug (not 9, 16), 1 1.30pm, 5210-121 1 (2941210); Porn Idol, Pleasance Courtyard, 556 6550, 6—30 Aug (not 10), 10.55pm, £10—£11 (£8.50~£9). Preview 5 Aug, £5; Dirty Fan Male: The Show, Gilded Balloon Caves, 668 1633, 6—30 Aug, 7pm, £8.50-£9.50 (£7.50—£8.50).
The mighty moosh
GARY LE STRANGE, the 805 omnisexual throwback, gives Jay Richardson a quick blast of his Face Pop manifesto.
Winner of 2003's Perrier Best Newcomer award. a bauble traditionally bestowed upon comedians. the Byronic Lord of Pop has had to endure his Polaroid Suitcase album‘s stowing in the overhead locker of forgotten genius. Unperturbed and secure in his inconsiderable talent. the genocidal action clown of electronica arrives at Fringe 2004 with a furious riposte to the faceless hordes of music execs peddling the bland pap he so much wants to be part of. Face Academy is thus his call to arms. But his weapon is fashion, not bombs.
‘Yeah, it's a manifesto,’ the self-styled skeleton of drag claims. ‘Except every time I do it. people start throwing things. Paper aeroplanes sometimes. but often bottles. I think it's the romantic make-up and PVC trousers setting so many teeth on edge. But a lot of people take it in the spirit it’s meant: serious artistry. One new song, ‘Warriors of Style“, has become the Face Pop movement statement. A bit like “Hey. hey. we're the Monkees!"'
Other tracks like ‘Photocopier’ see him return to the artificial/ superficial intelligence of “Is My Toaster Sentient?', yet with a latent robo-eroticism and a kinky Nietzschean perviness; a reluctance to be pigeonholed sexually but not dismissive of the offer. thanks. And the Almond-esque ’Seedy Pimp', going on about fat German nurses with hairy necks. sees Le Strange at the zenith of his debauched powers. Sweating profusely.
‘Basically. I'm theoretically omnisexual. I don’t restrict my partners to male and female; I do other sexes. Transsexuals, hermaphrodites. aliens or robots. Minotaurs. But at the same time, I'm not a slag. l'm selective, and that's where the theoretical part comes in. So I'm theoretically omnisexual but practically asexual.’
Elaborating upon the fickle rat trappings of fame from his Walthamstow bedsit. the painted midget conductor explains how his inspiration comes from within. “Either in my head or in my body; or in my room, definitely. So if someone says, "that sounds a bit like Ultravox," it's a happy coincidence. They come from the inner recesses of my mind. Maybe I'm like Nostradamus in that respect.’
I Pod Deco, 08707 55 7705, 8—29 Aug (not 7 7), 10.25pm. 29.504314 (£8.50). Previews 5—7 Aug, £5.
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5—12 Aug 2004 THE LIST FESTIVAL MAGAZINI 25