At Munnery‘s AGM. ‘the audience hold the stakes and I hold the garlic. I‘m

sure we‘ll be fine.’

They appeared on Johnny Vegas’ Anyone For Ice Cream? ‘documentary’ and cropped up in The Calcium Kid opposite Orlando Bloom. But which one of these muscular sex gods floats the Gavins’ collective boat?

Johnny Vegas is sexier than Orlando Bloom because he firstly doesn't look or sound like a girl. He's a man’s man: funny, robust and has love handles you won’t want to let go of. Orlando's ass is a cross between Michael Jackson with anorexia and Kate Moss after a bad spell of diarrhoea. whereas Johnny's bottom is a Male J-Lo: ripe. peachy, good to bite.

Johnny has the gift of the gab. articulate, witty. genuine and fiery. Orlando is about as entertaining as his recent film, The Calcium Kid. Three words: straight to video. Johnny knows how to let his hair down, and is the centre of attention. Orlando could fade into the background and no one would notice. Johnny has the X factor whereas Orlando has the why? factor.

The sexiest thing in the w0rld is the ability to make someone laugh. It's a real aphrodisiac. Johnny has humour running through his veins and although Orlando is conventionally good looking I find those boyish looks a bit bland. I like a butch man, a strong man, a man that could help me when the car broke down not a man that feels happy in a face-mask and rollers. IAssemb/y Rooms, 226 2428, 8—30 Aug (not 7 7), 2.45pm, £94370 (EB—£9). Previews 6&7 Aug, £5.

5-12 Aug 2004 TH. LIST HSTNAL MAOAZINI 29