In rude health

With larger than life characters, Alyssa Kiria's set was a sleeper hit from 2006. She tells Marissa Burgess that this year's show is all about getting down and dirty

were somewhat inevitable. ‘.'\ lot of the reviews did compare iis. which was quite flattering. This

year I don‘t know whether that will happen.‘ We“. apologies for drawing further attention to that particular comparison. 'I‘rained as an actress. one—woman character-hascd show in the same Kyria‘s 2006 show was an exercise in creating room and in a similar time slot. comparisons projects for herself rather than waiting hy the .y- phone for work. Without hesitation she turned to comedy. ‘.-\ lot of my parts through drama school have been the comedy role. I‘ve never been able to play it straight.' So she embarked on creating some comedic characters. ‘I wrote a little comedy monologue and performed it and it went down really well so I wrote another one for the next month and it went down really well. I thought if I can write two I can write nine: let's just

book a show in Iidinhurgh.‘ The characters she created were 4 v. ) all larger than life: a chav Pop Idol 1‘ i , , wannabe. a Greek WAG and a "I i". j 0‘. I‘rench jar/.1. singer called Madame F ' \ Bonjour who can't speak French. I \k'orryingly. she claims: ‘The characters were all "‘1' splinters of my psyche. the ways that I think but taken to the complete extreme. With the chav character. I grew up in Bromley surrounded by girls like that. Then I was working at a health centre so I had this life coach character; I just get annoyed at them telling \ us how to lead our lives.‘

I last year‘s fringe. .-\I_\'ssa Kyria‘s one— woman. character-plumped show occupied an afternoon slot in the hack room of the llolyrood Tavern. As the previous year‘s l’errier winner Laura Solon performed a

I . ~5'.- ‘7‘ v , 3.3 Q!

my characters was inspired by the fact that I

found an eye patch in a charity shop and I just wanted to say the line: “it's a funny story in hindsight or lack thereof. as the case may he".‘ This year Kyria and the other I'Iolyrood acts are in the back room of a nightclub and having bagged an evening slot. she‘s decided to take advantage of the unwholesome setting. ‘I thought I‘d make it a more raunchy show. I‘ve got a stripper who has slept with Prince William. Tiggy the tennis playing socialite whore while Ariadne the Greek WAG's hack. There‘s lots of variety in a

really nide show.‘

1“ Alyssa Kiria, Holyrood Too @ Faith, 225 9764, 5-26 Aug (not 8, 15, 22), 8.45pm, £6 (£5). Previews 3 8: 4 Aug,




Others had less direct inspiration. ‘()ne of


AI Pitcher's show Idiot Wind

is based around a rather unfortunate incident involving a woman, an aeroplane and some flatulence. Here, he gives us his top five social faux pas

Don’t try and outstare a street performer

In the ht Siness they are kiit iwri .rtf :sttitiiti. These are serious professionals so tlori't fllt";i. With them. as they can have «ml in their dark eyes. It's a classic faux pas; they are trained for this combat and even VJITT‘i the arrl of ahusive language on your part. you are (Joint; to lr iso- and the mute ‘.'.’lIl win.

Don’t pretend your sister is your girlfriend

No matter how terriptini; it it; to iriipresn. the lad“. in the office. don't pretend your hloorl if} your lady. It's Just going to get awkward when it comes to question time. wrth the: ‘llow (IffI you meet 7' and 'Have you got aniy sisters or brothers?‘ You JUST need to lose the rriullet, get yOur back waxed and stop playing cricket. lhen yoo can mayhe have a real girlfriend. Your sister With one misplaced (Loinriient could set your standing in the office hack years.

If you can’t do it, don’t say you can

This covers a lot of ground, whether it's a casual remark about how you can ride wrld hoar Or how good yOu are at going haircuts. jll‘;t don't accept the invrtation/cfiallenge. dust apologise and buy dinner. There is nothing worse than seeing somebody molested by a wild boar and we all know how sooally awkward a bad perm is. Don't even regale tales of your granddad's prowess that he has passed on,

Don’t ever say ‘yes’ it you mean ‘no’ C'rrion ladies. you know what I mean. If you don't want the moustache tell your bloke to lose it. Simple. If you want one so bad. you grow it.

Don’t ever predict an outcome About 31 "a of the world's population belie/es they can be psychic. YOU are not Nostradairius and I can gtiite confidently say that. OK. you got lucky when you predicted granddad's death after that heart attack but how many times have you got Pop Idol wrong? It's the law of averages. If we COuld all spout something before it occurred like: ‘My mobile battery's g0ing' or: 'You are gomg to hit that cat'. then we w0uld. WOUIGn't we? But we can't so don't go changing your name to William Hill.

A/ Pitcher, P/easarice Courtyard, 556 6550. 4—27Aug (not 74), 70.45pm, {9—270 (27.50—88.50). Previews until 3 Aug. £5.