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Edinburgh insight Irish funny woman Eleanor Tiernan looks forward to the Festival mayhem

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stage that nobody who has ever been to the Fringe Festival would use the word ‘pretty’ to describe it. Not that there aren’t pretty things too about the Fringe, but if I had to choose one word, ‘pretty’ wouldn’t be it. The word I would choose is one that

has been hijacked by the youth culture of North America. So I’m going to ask you to cast your mind back to a time before Friends and Jackass, when the word ‘awesome’ was used to describe things other than WWF, skateboards and Apple products. It holds that if you describe something as awesome, then there must be awe in the eye of the describer, to behold something without any understanding of how it works. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival shouldn’t work: it’s too big. Last year the ticketing systems failed, but the show must, and did go on. It’s entirely possible to go to the

Fringe Festival without experiencing the city itself at all. Having been to the Fringe Festival twice now, I can’t in all honesty say that I have actually been to Edinburgh. I have never climbed Arthur’s Seat, have no idea where Leith is and the word Holyrood only conjures vaguely sexual imagery to my mind. This is irresponsible, I feel, and I intend to change those facts this time round. I’ll be making it my business to experience the life the city has to offer and come up with some words to describe it.

Eleanor Tiernan Trouble, Gilded Balloon Teviot, 622 6552, 8–30 Aug (not 17), 7pm, £8.50–£9.50 (£7.50–£8.50). Previews until 7 Aug, £5.

IT’S ENTIRELY POSSIBLE TO GO TO THE FRINGE WITHOUT EXPERIENCING THE CITY ITSELF

they are different places. Of course I should know better. It’s unfair of me to expect somebody to know the difference between going to Edinburgh and going to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival unless you have been to the Fringe. I ought to know at this

During the last couple of months, I have mentioned to some people in Ireland that

I’m heading over to Edinburgh for August. They say: ‘You lucky thing! I love Edinburgh! It’s so pretty.’ When I enquire as to when they were there, they will usually say it was for the Heineken Cup Final at Murrayfield. I’ll then correct my earlier statement: ‘sorry, I know I said I was going to Edinburgh, but what I’m actually going to is the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.’ This leads to confused looks. The implication of my statement is that the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is a different place to the City of Edinburgh, and

FESTIVAL BRIBES

We don’t like to call it bribery, that’s a dirty word, but now that the Festival’s starting to roll into town the standard of, er, unsolicited gifts arriving at List Towers is definitely on the up. Wig and specs The specs may not have glass but they’re none the less exciting for that. And the luxuriant orange locks of our new hairpiece is inspiring envy and follicle-anxiety in all comers. Good luck to these charming lads from G3. G3 The Ginge, The Geordie, and the Geek, Just the Tonic at The Caves, 208 0882, 8–30 Aug (not 18), 4.10pm, £9.50–£10.50 (£6.50–£9). Previews 6 & 7 Aug, £5. Credit Crunch breakfast cereal Weetabix has had its day. Instead get your laughing gear around Credit Crunch, the thinking festival-goer’s breakfast cereal. Each piece of cereal is shaped like a different currency sign, so we’ll keep an eye on the exchange rate and ration our daily wheaten yen

accordingly. Full marks for effort. Shed Simove: Ideas Man, Belushi’s, 226 1446, 7–30 Aug, 7pm, £5. Cupcakes Afternoon Tea

has been holding our attention with a series of very neat little cupcakes. If there’s one thing we love beyond all else it’s cake. So if you’re a bunch of cullinary creative types who can recite the Bard while rustling up a nice carrot cake or scones, our mouths are open and our bellies are waiting. Afternoon Tea, The Voodoo Rooms, 556 7060, 8–28 Aug (not 17), 3.40pm, free.

TAKE 5 Festival over-achievers: we celebrate those spreading the love far and wide this festival

Robin Ince One can only assume that Robin Ince sits in a thick blue funk for that small portion of the day when he isn’t A) hosting a ‘lunchtime celebration of science and the wonderful’, B) being a ‘bleeding- heart liberal’ or C) opposing ‘the moral majority’. How these people stop their funnybones falling off is anyone’s guess. Carol Ann Duffy The new poet laureate is off to a flying festival start. She’s doing a ten-day run at the Scottish Storytelling Centre on top of her two Book Festival appearances, and, perhaps even more excitingly, an adaptation of The World’s Wife will be premiering at Assembly throughout the month (see preview, page 63).

Phil Nichol Phil Nichol gets name checked no fewer than five times in this year’s Fringe listings. Two of those are admittedly for one-off shows, and one is for ‘Phil Nichol’s famous London club’ (Old Rope), but that still leaves two daily plays (The School for Scandal and Gagarin Way). The boy’s done good.

Daniel Kitson The Interminable Suicide of Gregory Church starts at 10.15pm at the Traverse and runs for an hour-and-a-half. His stand- up show at The Stand starts at 11.59pm and lasts one hour and 31 minutes. That’s 14 minutes for Kitson to sprint from the West End to Queen Street. If he pulls that off, we salute him. Lionel Blair He may be entering the ‘venerable’ period of his life, but Lionel’s still a game old bird. The gloriously named Tap and Chat with Lionel Blair ought to get the funny juices flowing in time for lunch, while School for Scandal in the afternoon will all be over in time for the star of Give Us a Clue to rest up for the evening.

6 THE LIST FESTIVAL MAGAZINE 6–13 Aug 2009