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list.co.uk/festival Comedy Debutantes | FESTIVAL COMEDY
TERRY CLEMENT
What do you think might work out as the best piece of advice you receive ahead of your Fringe debut? I’ve been told to avoid the local marijuana for fear of potency. What do you expect will be the least useful piece of advice? Being told to avoid the local marijuana for fear of potency. Imagine this is September: looking back at August, what would constitute a successful Fringe? If I am still alive by the end of the festival, I will deem it a great success. Back in the old days, there used to be a thing called ‘the festival shag’. Is this ancient tradition likely to play any part in your thinking during August?
I hate having sex. Unless a woman asks me to have sex − then I am happy to have it. I am monogamous and single, although my wife probably has something to say about that. What qualities do you expect from a Fringe venue? Four walls, most certainly. One day, I hope to have a show that only requires one wall and a bit of lettuce to run the sound board but I also hope for all kinds of other bullshit things. Do you undertake any superstitious rituals before going on stage? I like to know that I have pot waiting for me after the show before I go on stage. Underbelly, Cowgate, 0844 545 8252, 3–25 Aug (not 12), 8.05pm, £10–£11 (£8–£10). Previews 1 & 2 Aug, £6.
PAUL CURRIE
What do you think might work out as the best piece of advice you receive ahead of your Fringe debut? Never mix up ‘flyering’ and ‘fisting’ up the Royal Mile. What do you expect will be the least useful piece of advice? Fisting works just as well as flyering, up the Royal Mile. Imagine this is September: looking back at August, what would constitute a successful Fringe? Being offered my own 50-seater venue to perform whatever I wanted in the Fringe, every year free of charge for the next 20 years. Back in the old days, there used to be
a thing called ‘the festival shag’. Is this ancient tradition likely to play any part in your thinking during August? I do not shag during the festival, especially anything ancient. What qualities do you expect from a Fringe venue? A light and some black curtains Do you undertake any superstitious rituals before going on stage? I stick a bramble in my anus and drink a pint of diesel and cranberry. Pleasance Courtyard, 556 6550, 3–26 Aug (not 13), 11pm, £8–£9.50 (£7.50–£8). Previews 31 Jul–2 Aug, £6.
IVO GRAHAM What do you think might work out as the best piece of advice you receive ahead of your Fringe debut? The show will hardly benefit from work before the Fringe. Devote all your time to thinking up funny answers to the questions for The List! What do you expect will be the least useful piece of advice? Stop trying to think up funny answers to the questions for The List! Your last preview was a disaster! Go and write some more jokes! Imagine this is September: looking back at August, what would constitute a successful Fringe? ‘Dear Ivo, Unbeknownst to you, I came to see your show Binoculars during August. It made me think that perhaps we haven’t spent as much time together over the years as we should have done. Would you like to go for lunch next week, or maybe play some football in the park? Lots of love, Dad.’ Back in the old days, there used to be a thing called ‘the festival shag’. Is this
ancient tradition likely to play any part in your thinking during August? Just as a sportsman refrains from having sex on the day of a game, so have I tried to give myself maximum preparation for Fringe 2013 by only having sex five times in the 22 years leading up to it. I’m hardly going to render that achievement worthless with any casual dalliances during the month itself. What qualities do you expect from a Fringe venue? I expect it to contain at least 15 people who are primed to watch Ivo Graham perform Binoculars, and no more than three people who have been dragged to it against their will. Do you undertake any superstitious rituals before going on stage? A couple of press-ups on the weekends. Mens sana in corpore sano, etc.
Pleasance Courtyard, 556 6550, 3–25 Aug (not 12), 6pm, £7.50–£10 (£6.50–£9). Previews 31 Jul–2 Aug, £6. ➙
1–8 Aug 2013 THE LIST FESTIVAL 35