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Grease was the word in Edinburgh last issue. Now Marina O‘Loughlin reveals good caffs in Glasgow.

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In a world of variables there will always be one constant. and in the world of food fashions and fads. the caffis it.

Below is a personal selection from the hundreds in Glasgow. including a few from the Barras. undoubtedly the Mecca of the greasy spoon.

RECOMMENDED 0 JB'S Diner 212 Gallowgate.

Yuk . .. . . -.

Toothless wonder Alan Taylor offers tongue-in-cheek

Coronation Restaurant. Thurs—Sun 8.3llam—5pm. Up a close at the Barras for the epic Sunday hangover cure JB’s special breakfast. The whole works for £1 .81): bacon. beans. black pudding etc and the most spectacular homemade thick potato scones. Licensed.

(Pot of tea 311p; Bacon roll 50p) 0 Criterion Caié 217 Dumbarton Road. 339 7328. 9.3(lam—9pm. Cosy

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wisdom. with more than a little bite. about the indentures offilling in love.

Jack said it would get worse before it would get better. I had popped in to the Volunteer for some preventative medicine to blunt a blinding toothache. Whisky soaked in cotton-wool had already failed so a direct assault was the next step. Eventually it would need to be the dentist but I was rather enjoying the sympathy. It‘s amazing but when you‘re suffering from what you think is a unique malady whole pubfuls of folk seem to have been there before you. One of the chaps whom you would have sworn had been born with falsers said he‘d had a tooth pulled the week before. He‘d been offered a cap or an extraction. ‘lIow much'?‘ he asked. £33 if he wanted to chew steak again; £4 if he was content to survive on Murphys.

He liquidised his assets and bought a round as soon as the injection wore off. No wonder we‘re such a toothless crew these days. In this neck of the woods the dentist is next to the building society and it won‘t be long before they're in cahoots. They may be already for all I know. When

I eventually plucked up courage to go I lost a whopper and have been ordered to make two return appearances. On the way out I offered to pay but the receptionist said I could settle up when the treatment is finished. [wouldn‘t be surprised ifbehind my back the house is being re-mortgaged. I don‘t want to go on about teeth but there was a time when I paid a lot of attention to mine. ldon‘t mean when I was in London at the fag-end of flower power when I had to have emergency surgery at Barts. They don‘t bother with anaesthetics there. they just whip them out. No. it was up in oil-rich Aberdeen and it just so happened that from my digs you could catch on windless days the chilling whine of a dentist’s drill. Believe it or not (and. remember. most of my stories are apocryphal anyway) this was music to my ears. I could close my eyes and when Charlie. my coloured room-mate. was not in residence and ghetto-blasting Gregorian chant. picture the lovely nurse bending over

little traditional cafe serving without doubt Glasgow best Fior (16 lane ice cream (vanilla to us plebs). Excellent value.

(Tea 18p; Bacon roll 45p)

0 Coronation Restaurant 55 Gallowgate. 552 3994. Seven days 11am—7pm. Wonderful formica and chrome Fifties' interior— star of Channel 4's Brand. Nice big

chips too.

(Tea 28p; Bacon roll 611p)

o Loreto’s 42 Albion Street. 552 7824. Mon—Sat 9am—7pm; Sun 10am-6pm. Delusions of restaurantdom because it's licensed and sells spaghetti carbonara. It‘s a caffthough. The carbonara‘s not half bad. either.

(Tea 25p; Bacon roll (55p)

0 Care di Jaconelli 570 Maryhill Road. 946 l 124. 1()am—9.3()pm: Closed Thurs. The Jaconellis obviously haven’t done any modernisation since the cafe's inception a little Sixties' gem. (Tea 25p; Bacon roll 45p)

0 Munchies at the Square Yard 2t 35 Stevenson Street. The Barras. 552 1143. Sat. Sun lllam—4.3()pm. The only cafe in town that permits al fresco eating. Get down early (very) to the busy and trendy little market to grab a piece of the best carrot cake incapnvuy. (Tea 25p; Bacon roll 411p) o The University Caté 87 Byres Road.

ati.{;tf'vi"-.£. J ‘. a p: r

the familiar reclining-chair. Even now it takes only the faintest whiff of chloroform to bring it all back. For in that chair. for the best part of my college days. I took up residence. All manner ofminor alterations were made to my molars. My intentions were wholly dishonourable and centred on an icy doll who silently passed the instruments of torture to a Scholl-sandalled inquisitionist. 1 don't know ifyou've ever tried but asking out a dental nurse is harder than getting Swedish tennis players to say more than ‘ja‘. or whatever the equivalent is in Stockholm. For weeks. nay months. I tried but just when I had the words on the tip ofmy tongue it would go numb. One day the dentist said he had done all he could for me. I now had teeth which could get me into the ()smonds fan club. I must have been desperate. I pleaded for more appointments and finally he agreed to take an X-ray just to be sure the future could he faced smiling. When. grim-faced. a week later he told me a monstrous wisdom tooth was about to erupt and

Frequented by taxi drivers and serving a mean mince and tatties. Lovely period exterior and cinema bucket seats.

(Tea 211p: Bacon roll 48p)

0 Queen's Park Caté 531) Victoria Road. 42311243. 1 lam—11pm. Marvellous homemade ices. unusual in Glasgow fora wide range of flavours. People have been known to pass them off at dinner parties as their own creations.

0 Kings Caté l7 Elmbank Street. Closed for renovation while I suffer from fritter-withdrawal symptoms. Anyone know anywhere else that sells them'.’


0 Hawaiian Grill 5—7 Kent Street. Sat. Sun Sam—5pm. Bilious-looking aged pies served to hilious-looking clientele. Incredibly cheap. btit who cares?

(Tea 18p. Bacon roll 411p)

0 Cha Papa 161 Gallowgate. 9.3(lam—5.3()pm; Closed Tue. A most unprepossessing exterior hiding an even more scabrous- looking ‘sitting room'. ()uite astonishingly busy at the weekend. Lord alone knows why.

(Tea 25p. Bacon roll Slip)

0 Ouixnax 263 Hope Street. 332 (1686. 9am—7pm. An ideal spot for a pre-suicide fish tea. Gloomy and depressing in the extreme.

(Tea 311p; Bacon roll (ilip)

surgery was essential. tout de suite. 1 was over-joyed. The bad news was that he could not do it and I would have to go to hospital.

Of that episode perhaps more anon. 1 only saw my nurse once after that. She was on a bus in Union Street which informants tell me is even more like a scene from a .lohn Wayne movie than it was when l staggered along it on a Saturday evening. [was about to say what I‘d never managed to when she was close enough to tell what I had for breakfast when she was joined by a chap with teeth. which I would not be surprised to learn were made like Scotland’s other national drink. from girders. She got up when the bus stopped and said. ‘("mon .lirn.' in an accent you could have scraped with dental floss. The hulk followed like a lamb and l would'ye too. if not to the end of the earth at least to I’eterhead or maybe as far as .\’airn. But as she squeezed past 1 was just a face in the crowd and as she flounced along the street. I was left with just a mouthful of memories.

RICS‘IZKI'RAN'I': 'l'ue- Sat (eycnings only) 'l'able l)‘l lote and a la carte menus

Wide range of meals a\ ailable

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BRASSl-IRII'L: Seven days: lunchtimes and evenings

Nil-33." 5-138

The List In A 33 jury 41