THE LIST
ELEVEN NAFF CRACKER JOKES
TACNY PRESENTS
An electric carving knile; nylon Y-tronts; nylon socks; Blue Stratos/Yardley Gilt packs; My Little Pony and curling longs; musical boxer shorts.
SEVEN OIRE CHRISTMAS OISCS
Bros: Silent Night (torthe ‘Jesuuuuuuuuuuayus’ bit) Alison Moyet: The Coventry Carol (lor the idiotic retrain 'looliloola') Clllt Richard: Mistletoe and Wine (torthe abysmal rhyme ‘Christmas time/ Mistletoe and wine') 02: Baby, Please Come Home (tor challenging lines ‘I rememberwhen vou were here/And all the tun we had last year’) The Snowmen: Hokey Cokey (lora dearth ol originality) Bryan Adams: Run, Run. Budoll (tor the total non-sequltor ‘Bun. run.
Budoll/l'm reeling like a merry-go-round‘)
Chris Rea: Driving Home tor Christmas (tor its corn
0: Why did the Mexicanlie his wile tolhe railway track?
A: Tequila.
FIVE LARCE SINS
Over-eating; over-drinking; wanting more presents; retusing to wash up; not watching the Queen's Speech.
Carers caring everywhere. Bar stall pouring lots at beer.
Cleaners wiping up the mess.
as..‘!' A ‘ ‘a‘IiI ’ Asa ($13,,
0: What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A: A d'youthinkhesaurus. 0: How do you play music underwater?
A: Tuna lish.
0: What’s white and "oily and swings through the jungle?
A: A meringotang.
Q: Why did the bull slip? A: Because it saw the cow slip.
0: Where does a general keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.
0: What iewels do ghosts wear?
A: Tomb stones.
0: Who ate his victims two by two?
A: Noah Shark.
0: What do cannibals play? A: Swallow my leader.
0: Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A: To show it had guts.
0: Why did the cucumber blush?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
J.
t»
UNSIINC HEROES
Santa‘s reindeer dolngtheir best. Worn shop stall and their sore leet.
mlking round their
TEN
CHRISTMAS BIRTHDAYS
William Collins; Bebecca West; Carlos Castaneda; Kenny Everett; Sirlsaac Newton; J.C.; Humphrey Bogart; Anwar Sadat; Duchess ol Gloucester; Princess Alexandra.
OREAOFUI. CAME SHOWS
Bob's Christmas Full House (BBC 1 Christmas Eve 5.10pm) Buoyant Bob slimes his way with appalling jokes through this bingo bonanza.
Bullseye Christmas Special (lTV Christmas Day 2.15pm) Videos. cars and other materialistic desires are usually up lor grabs via a demanding throw olthe darts and general knowledge questions. What‘s My Line Christmas Special (IT'V Boxing Day12 noon) Celebs guessthe bizarre prolession olsome poorvictim amidst gruesome giggles and condescending haw-haws. Strike lt Lucky (lTV Boxing Day 6.15pm) Sickly Michael Barrymore with more smutty remarks. this time with contestants playing tor charity.
Mr and Mrs (lTV Christmas Tuesday noon) Betum ola
games show horror. as couples show their ignorance at each other in response to stupid questions.
Holiday Quiz (BBC 1 Christmas Tuesday 2.20pm) First olthe Beeb’s main seasonal games show series. Celebrities banter and respond to questions on travel and places. Blockbusters (lTll Christmas Thursday 5.15pm) Cult quiz show carries on as usual. Celebrity Wheel of Fortune (ITV Christmas Thursday 8.30pm) Linda Lusardi makes another busty testive appearance. Winnings go to charity.
Superscot 1988 (BBC 1 Christmas Thursday 9.30pm) More tartan questions tired at competitors who have been doggedly male throughout the series.
‘ PASS i PAKCQ?
beat,
DJs playing ghastly rhymes. Those who reply to the 9998:
All these worthles toil and
stay Away trom home on Christmas Day.
The List 23 Dec 1988— 12 Jan 1989 3