I AH'M telling you Davie keep awa’ lae that Special Brew it does your held in, look at me, 17, and i’m over the hill a’ready. Bernard Nlac Laverty’s new play tor the Beeb, Sometime In August, 25 Feb, 10.10-11.10pm. See Media page 72.

I FRENCH and Saunders with their two greatest supporters. The consistently original pair will be at the Playhouse Theatre, Edinburgh, 3 March. See Cabaret Listings page 53.



Jeffrey Bernard may be unwell, but old Parsons was in a terrible state. Coughing and wheezing like a dying ferret and indulging in enough pharmaceuticals to kill a normal cold, he shuffled the streets in search of a story. . .

‘Hailo, Preservation Hall, can I help you?’

‘Nallo, l hearthatyou’ve had. . .’


‘I said, I hearyou’ve had complaints about the noise levels there.’

‘About what? Nose levels?’

’No, noise levelsi’ (shouting) ‘Noise levels.’

‘I cannae hear ye, the band’s on.’

As Fawlty used to say, ‘Let me explain.’ Byzantium Cate in Edinburgh’s biiou Victoria Street are making a song and dance about the noise levels at neighbouring Preservation Hall. They have succeeded in legally limiting the noise in the Hall to a mere 106 decibels, hardly enough to stir a bat. Already one band, Tour de Force, have relused to play in such hushed tones, and others are likely to follow. Steve Marriot, ex ol the Small Faces, is also ‘doubttul’ tor his gig on 22 Feb. The bar's owners, Coronation Inns, are making noises too and organising a petition. Believing they have a sound case, their appeal will be heard on Friday 23 Feb. Until then, noise meters are in lorce to ensure bands stay below the sound barrier. Anyone wishing to lend their voice to the Hall’s etlorts to preserve itsell as a live venue should make themselves heard lortlssimo.

The multi-supplemented Sunset Times is the best paper for an alternative view of Glasgow. In their TV preview they anounced that last Sunday‘s South Bank Show would feature the new play by Jock Tamson called ‘The Bairns’. Oh, that'll be the one written by Rabbie Burns based on the epic poem by Gerry Mulgrew which takes place during a Liz Lochhead Night Supper, eh?

Now, we at The List wouldn’t care to accuse anyone ol pulling themselves out on the wackybacky, BUT. . . the New Moves Dance Season claim that one ol their soloists ’Will make you miss your bus.’ 0h aye? Her and who else? What’s she plan to do, stand

about outside with a sewn-oil shotgun screaming atthe punters to getaway irom the buses? Or do they expect her to be so hypnotically good that the audience come out clutching their brows muttering ‘Oh, Christi What a stunning and tree liowing piece ol dance, Ah’ll nlver remember ma bus number allterthat. Sod it, Ah’ll walk.’ Even more ambltlously, perhaps she believes that the employees oi the City’s public transport will, clad in

Ieotards and tutus, join in an interactive and symbolic movement and reroute their buses away lrom the Third Eye Centre lor the evening.

But lair’s lair, it must be hard to ludge the quality ol the dancer involved, Wendy Houston, as the two press quotes provided by her read ‘Charismatlc’ -The Daily Telegraph and ‘Tacky’ -the Plymouth Times.

So what have we ever done to annoy the Brunton Theatre eh? Recently, turning up at a performance our valiant theatre editor was surprised to find that there were two tickets left at the box office in the name of, ‘Wank Fisher, The Liar‘. Fortunately, closer inspection of the spidery scrawl on the envelope revealed that they had got the name ofthe Magazine right after all. Wank, or rather Mark, returned reheved.

Waterstone's are inviting you to come and listen to the courageous Scottish nurse Susie Wighton who has

apparently been ‘awarded for her work

in Beirut relugee camps.’ Bloody marvellous innit. You slog your guts out in a war-torn city, return home and somebody otters you as an award! They neglected to say who she had been awarded to. She will be at Waterstone’s, Edinburgh on 20 Feb at 7.30pm, and at John Smith and Son, Glasgow, 27 Feb at 12.30pm.

A courageous student at Edinburgh has made a stand against the callous indifference of his fellows. The newly repainted ’Edinburgh Student’s Charity Shop‘ pays tribute to this singular contribution. At least, so one would surmise from the placing of the apostrophe. Either the

idea ofcollective action among students is completely dead or the sign is the work of the Business Studies Department, colloquially referred to as Satan.

The Valentine’s Day club at Tollcross, Bluebaiis1990, could be in big trubi First they had the temerity to bill themselves as ‘leatured in The List’ when we barely spared them a word, then they put on their handbills, ‘Prolits to Edinburgh Rape Crisis Centre’. Strange, thought the Rape Crisis Centre, we never heard anything about lt- and they still haven’tl Despite the lact that nearly 1000 people paid 23 each to get in. So, unless the club gets in touch soon we may have to send the

I Rottweillers round.

The List 23 February - 8 March 1990 3