While Boss Parsons attends a convention of Guinness-drinking Jimmy Saville impersonators on the Emerald Isle. Andrew Burnet casts a square eye overthe new video releases. and says 'How

then. now then' from time to time to keep everyone's spnnsup.

I THE COOK. THE THIEF. HIS WIFE AND HER LDVEB (18) 120 mins. Peter Greenaway's


masterpiece of designer beastliness features an absolutely superb Michael Gambon as despicable

Spica. the Thatcherite philistine ("What yer

wanna read books for? Ain't

no money in it!') who owns

a sumptuoust plush i restaurant run by French

chef Richard Bohringer.

When one of the diners

(Alan Howard) begins an alfairwith Spica’s wile (Helen Mirren). the results

are more unpleasantthan anyone could anticipate.

Also recently released are Greenaway's earlierlilms

The Draughtsman‘s

Contract, A Zed And Two Noughts. Drowning By Numbers and The Belly Of

An Architect. Bit of a shame

to squeeze them into the

small screen. though.

(Palace. rental) l

SCDUNDBELS (PG) 110 ' mins. Michael Caine and Steve Martin reprise David Niven and Marlon Brando's roles in this Fransz revamp of 1964's Bedtime Story. The story's . essentiallythe same odd-couple comedy yarn. in whichtwo con-men (suave Caine and rough. tough Martin) battle it out fora healthy patch in the South of France. decide to settle it with a wager and both end up losing their hearts and more. Despite its success. it could have been better. and neitherolthe stars really pulls the stops out. But ifyou‘re aftera laughto go with your carry-out curry. you could do worse. (Virgin. rental)

I EVIL DEAD 2 (18) 84 mins. Joylully sicktollow up to Sam Baimi's Evil Dead debutleatures Bruce Campbell asthe survivor. struggling with the unnamed forces which inhabit the deserted house

to which he and his buddies

camelora weekend inthe country. Wonderfully inventive attemptto

l l l


I The Labour Party Conference ( [313(1) Lid-3.50pm. 1055—1 l .ZSpm. Live coverage from Dunoon of the Party‘s annual Scottish conference. with commentary and analysis from Brian Taylor and Iain Macwhirter.

I Whicker's World Hong Kong 813 [3(‘1 ) S. Ill—9pm. Jesus Makes You ha! is the title of this episode. which looks at a groupof young Christians who try to rehabilitate heroin addicts by getting them tofind salvation in religion. Whicker also hasa chat with l long Kong‘s erstwhile official hangnuut

I A Bit Of Fry and Laurie ( 1313(2) 0—9.3(lpm. Stephen and l lttgh return for another series of the comedy sketch show. I Arena: Fred Zinnemann-A Director's Life (BBCZWBU-10.30pm. The directorof. among many other films. High Noon. ()klahoma and-1 .llan For A ll Seasons talks frankly about his work.

I High Noon ( BBCZ) l l .Ztlpm— 12.50am. l’red Zinnemann's tnost famous film. oft-repeated but still enjoyable. stars Gary Cooper as the sheriff who. on the day‘that he is to retire and marry Grace Kelly. learns that his arch-enemy is cominginto town on tfte l3 o'clock train. looking for revenge.

I Move Over Darling ( l3l3(‘l)

lll.25--l 1.05pm. The last programme in the week-long series has a studio audience. including almost halfof Britain‘s-ll women MPS. debatingwhat future women can look forward to in working life.

I Scrubbers (C4) 1 l..‘~(lpm--l.l5am. The first film made in l'.ltglislt by Swedish actress and director Mai Xetterling. Scrubbers was eo-wrilten with Roy Minion. who scripted the banned Seton. and takes the lid off life in women's prisons. l'neompromising. hard-hitting and ‘enhvened w ith moments ofcoarse humour".


IJawstl3l3t‘1)7.2tt 9.20pm. The first and most watchable of the series. starring Roy Sehcider as the police ehiefyvho wants to close the beaches of Amity aftera girl is attacked by a far-from-pathetic shark.

I Broadcast News (Sky .\loy les)

(S'— ltl. ltlpm. The committed news team of Holly l lurtter and Albert Brooks are at loggerheads with dense and one-dimensional newsreader William Hurt. btit llunter finds herself unaccountany attracted by hisplastic

smile. James I .. Brooks. fresh from the Oscar-winning l’erniy of]:mleurment. directed.

I Missionaries: Battleground (1313(2) MlS-r-Sfifipm. The battleground in question is l’apua New (iuinea. where there isone missionary for every l.-1()(l ordinary inhabitants. l)illerent branches of Christianity take different approaches to eonyef‘ting the locals. but the whole process is described by presenterJulian Pcttifcr as ‘an undignilied scramble for sotlls'.

I Duncan McCrae l BB( ‘l luau ll).ll5pm. John (irieye introduces newly -discoy ered footage of the Scottish actor playing perhaps his most famous role the skipper

Scrubbers, Fri 9.113me of The Viral Spark. See also Sat 17 below. I Arena: A Pretty British Altair— Powell and Pressburger (BBCZ) 9.40— 10.25pm. The partnership of two of British cinema's most famous sons is examined in this 1981 film. showing again as a tribute to Michael Powell. who died last month. A seriesof Powell films begins after the programme with A Matter of Life and Death

( l(l.25pm~12.()5am) and I Know Where I'm Going ( 12.05-1 .4tlam).

I Harper (Scottish) 1 1.50pm—2am. Private dick Lew Harper (Paul Newman) is hired to find a missing millionaire. He getslittle help from the rich man's family. and a good kicking from an unknown assailant. Screenplay by William Golding. and a strong supporting cast which includes Janet Leigh. Shelley Winters and Lauren Bacall.

I The Black Cat (Scottish) 12.35—1.5()am. A honeymooning couple meet Dr Verdegast. who. all too predictably. ison his way to meet a sadistic devil-worshipper. Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi star (but not as the couple) in this intermittently entertaining adaptation of an Edgar Allan Poe story.

I The Raven (Scottish) 1.50—2.55am. Also based on Poe. and with the same two stars. this is less accomplished. but. in its wilder moments (screeching. organ-playing and torture). funnier than The Black Cat.


I Hope and Glory (Sky Movies) 8—ltlpm. John Boorman‘s autobiographical 1987 film. set in the Second World War. where children like him found war-torn London an adventure playground and air raidsa great excuse for skipping lessons. Until. that is. his whole family evacuated tothe grandparents' countryside home.

I 48 Hours (Sky News) 9.3()— 10pm. In a programme entitled ‘Sex Under Seventecn’. American anchorman Dan Rather and his team look behind asurvey revealing that over halfofthe teenagersin the L'SA (the country with the highest pregnancy and abortion rates in the Western world) have had sex by the age of l7.

I The British Academy Awards(BBC2) 8.55—9.55pm. Live from Glaswegia. the annual recognition of artistic and technical excellence in film and television.

I Circles of Deceit (BB(‘2)9.55—1 1.10pm. Domestic strife and deceit are the themes of this Screen Two film. which stars Edward Fox and Jane Lapotaire as separated husband and wife. Fox. an artist. finds a new lover. but when his paintings begin to display likenesses ofhis estranged spouse. his new lover decides to screw things up a bit.

I The US Grand Prix (BBCZ)

l1.1(l—l 1.45pm. The first race ofthe 1990 Formula One championship from Phoenix. Arizona. presented. as ever. by

merit r A


Murray ‘dispassionately eloquent‘ Walker.

I The South Bank Show (Scottish) ll.l()pm—l2. ltlam. A full film version of the DV8 Theatre Company's silent dance epic. Dead Dreams of Monochrome Men.


I Plunder (BBCZ) 4.30-5pm. Emma Freud offers Melvyn Bragg the chance to select his favourite TV clips from the archives. His choices range from I. Claudius to the Alt versus Frazier fight.

I Horizon: Hurricane! (BBC2)8.1()—9pm. Remarkable film in which a plane goes into the eye of l lurricane Gilbert. and tracks it as it crosses the Caribbean en route to the USA.

I Panorama: Who's Afraid of Germany? (BBCl ) 9.30—10. lflpm. Poland. forone. David Dimbleby chairs a discussion about European fears that a reunited Germany could destabilise the rest of the Continent. I The Executioner's Song (BBCZ) 9—10.30pm. Two-part biopic. scripted by Norman Mailer after his Pulitzer Prize-winning book. of the notorious Gary Gilmore. remembered not so much for the murder he committed as for his insistence on going through with his execution by- firing squad. Tommy Lee Jones stars as Gilmore. and Rosanna Arquette plays his lover. a 19-year-old mother of two.

I " “Trmu I Anyone For Polo? (C4) 9— lllpm. Melissa Llewelyn-Davies. who usually makes documentaries about remote tribes. turns to one of the world‘s most expensive games. and contrasts two polo clubs. one run along traditional lines by Lord Cowdray. the other. set up by rock promoter Bryan Morrison. somewhat less convenuonal


I Radio Days (Sky Movies) 6—7.4llpm. Woody Allen‘s affectionate look back to the l940s. when radio rather than TV

76'l’he List ‘) ~- 22 March I‘M)