BENINDTHE SCENES CONT electro-magnetic fields. which alter according to planets' relative positions. and which affect everything on Earth. from the weather to the stock market. One of the more esoteric theories suggest that a soul chooses the time and place of its incarnation.

But one thing remains clear to all practitioners: astrology does work. ‘Sceptics tend to be people who haven’t studied it at all.‘ says Mrs Milne. "I‘hey're exhibiting a closed-mind attitude. perhaps because of fear ofwhat it may reveal. But I haven‘t worked with anyone yet who hasn't been able to recognise something useful in it. in terms of directing their energy and correcting their problems. In practical terms. it's an ideal tool for determining suitable careers.‘

So what makes a perfect astrologer? Do you have to he possessed of ESP to make sense of it all? ‘Well. there‘s a diploma course that you can take.‘ explains Mrs Milne. ‘so it's purely academic in that way. What you will find is that the intuitive people have the better interpretative skills. But we have people here who are strong in ’7 different areas.‘ 7. .

to St Stephen Street in 1987. It no acts as a base for ten consultants. , who share administrative duties ahd running costs. the latter being offsht by the unlikely sideline ofselling second-hand jazz records. I

Consultations begin at £10 for 30“ minutes. though a normal session 3 wbuld be an hour (£20) or perhaps tWo (£35). These can be geared to \ specific issues such as career. i preventative health. relationships or". spiritual guidance. There are also I workshops and correspondence courses for those wishing to investigate the techniques a bit further. Alternatively. the Centre will draw up computer charts (fill—20). based on the subject‘s time and place ofbirth. ‘The time is documented on the birth certificate in Scotland.‘ says Mrs Milne. ‘which helps us a lot.‘

For ‘SPECIFIC QUESTIONS about the IMMEDIATE FUTURE‘. the pamphlet recommends a Tarot consultation. but Mrs Milne is adamant on the subject of reading the future. ‘ASIrology teaches you that life goes in cycles.' she explains. ‘but I'm quite happy to say we haven't got to th " point where we can predict 'ev ‘nts. I think it would be too * ative for people to handle.’

\around eight years ago. and moveF

reli l. to brave the unpredictable elen ems. . A

80 The List 9 22 March I990

.e ., . - i \l\ T‘Th’eAstrology Centre was founded i

ith that I leave. feelingan uneasy

I /



.0? 77'


1! .‘o



.3 s".

‘. ‘fu 'h‘ofifi

An eye for a p


Ii guide-lines? It has been rumoured that in 1974. when the regulations were drawn up. those ruling the country from a southern aspect, were uncertain about the nature of this mutton miracle. It must be one of those eggy things covered in bread crumbs. they whispered to each other. We'llsetita120%. Despite confusion over what many natives called a mince pie. which was now legally authorised only as a Scotch pie, the 20% rule sneaked through the 1984 Food Labelling bill as well. So what makes up the other 80% ? Do you really want to know? ‘Pastry primarily. plus water and rusk filler.‘ says the PA.

Still. according to dictician Marion Morton. it is perfectly safe to eat a Scotch pie once a week. It is the animal fat in the pastry which is harmful. ‘The number ofcalories provided by fat for the average diet should be about 30%. but in the Scottish diet it’s more like 40%. This partly accounts for the high rate of heart attack in Scotland. The meat is good sound lamb which in the food chain is better. Ifyou want to produce a pound of beefyou‘ve got to put in a tremendous amount of grain and so on. Whereas lamb are grown on marginal mountain land in Scotland. not land which could produce more food if it was arable.‘ So fear not and eat with impunity. Out of a random selection our panel favoured the Crawford’s pie with the City Baker‘s falling in a close second. though judge for yourselves from their response.

Never mind Rothschild, we want mince pies! clamoured The List’s team ofextras as they gathered, open-beaked, for the pie-tasting.

Four and twenty pie-men regurgitate stream of consciousness tasting of the Scotch pie.

‘Most bits ofanimal are considered as meat.‘ ruminates Martin Godfrey. Public Analyst. ‘apart from what‘s known as non-permitted offal.’ In a quest to discover the secrets of the Scotch or mince pie. it seemed pertinent to look up the Public Analyst. not an extrovert psychiatrist who takes his couch to Waverley Market. nor an academic who studies national behaviour. but the man who divulges the scientifically tested contents of whatever he is given to analyse. For a fee ofcourse.

There‘s more than meets the eye lurking under the familiar pill-box lid. By a curious quirk of nature. the , cotch pie. as opposed to an

rdinary meat pie. is legally bound to

ontain 20% meat. whereas a meat (fpie must have 25%. Why. you may well ask. should two pics with ostensibly the same purpose and ingLedients. be given different



‘This the nicest looking of them.

It‘s firm but falling away at the sides. with rather pallid meat in the middle. Can you get mad sheep disease?

No. but you'll get Scrapie Bottom. Well. it’s pretty tasteless.

Yeah. it doesn‘t taste like it should taste.

What should it taste like?


It‘s a bit like bland sausage meat and nothing else.

Bland. but not too greasy.

Yeah. looks good from the outside, like a sausage roll.‘


‘It doesn’t look very appetising.

It looks gross.

And greasy.

It‘s also very, very squashy and hard to cut.

Aahh but inside it looks like real mince.

Ehm, a lot tastier but also greasier. There’s a slightly soapy taste though. Yes. definitely soapy. and too greasy.

Do you think its Slippy because of Fairy Liquid?

I think it‘s less tasty than the first. But the meat has got a little more salt and pepper in it.

This is really tasteless and very greasy.‘