I OK let's have a stab at making a movie. Johnny Handsome. so named because he ain‘t. returns alterplastic surgery looking like Mickey Rourke (Jesus. talk about out of thelrying pan into the tire). Not only does he have to face up to the present. but he finds his past is creeping up on him too. See Film Index page 40.

l RIGHTIads. lookreally glum. that's smashing.

. Nouveau-hippymusiclrom a group to keep tabs on. it

; you’re not too busy

; droppingthem. tabsthatis. The Hypnotics will be

playing at Glasgow College 11 May. See Rock Listings page 55.



Captain‘s Slog star date May 3. We seem to be heading toward Mayfest at a speed beyond our control Scottie’s accent has been playing up badly again and he’s confined to sick bay. Meanwhile. I‘ve sent Bones down to investigate the lie ofthe land.

A MERE twenty-odd years after the rest of the country experienced them. love- heads. drugs. kaftans and sexual freedom have all arrived in . . .(‘lackmannan Yes. a name that features but rarely in the hippy litany of love-ins. So. ifyou missed out on the ()(IS. either because you were too young or too stoned. now‘s your chance to find out what they were like. Those hip cats on Clackmannan District Council have chosen Hair. the Sixties musical par excellence to form the centrepiece of their Arts Festival.

A COUPLE of issues ago The List fearlessly lifted the lid on the macho pursuit ofseat sponsorship in the GFI‘. We are pleased to report that Tilda Swinton has braved this male—dominated world and forked out £350 to put her name on one a seat that is. Meanwhile. John Gordon Sinclair. currently filming Your Cheatt’n' Heart with said Tilda. also coughed up the dosh to get his name on a seat. Sinclair boldly. ifnot erroneously. had ‘John Gordon Sinclair— Sex Stud From Ilell' put on the plaque commemorating his gift. Well. everyone has to have a dream.

TI IE IIUGEI.Y ambitious and expensive Ship project is slowly trundling down the slipway after its official launch last week. The setting for the potentially riveting production will be the old l larland 8; Wolff yard in (iovan. Douhtless the play will re-create the atmosphere of the shipyards successfully. But the post—production scenes in (iovan‘s bars after the first night ( 15 September) will be drastically different from the old pie and pint days. Not many welders greeted each other over a (i and T shouting— .‘Dahling you were simply marvellous. ooh the way you welded that last plate. it just. well it was so real you know.‘ At the recent press conference in the yard Allen Wright. the Seve Ballesteros of The .S‘t‘otchman. put his finger on a more immediate problem. ‘Will the actors wear rnikes'.” he boomed from the floor. The platform party looked perplexed. ’I‘m sorry. I don‘t think we heard the question.‘ yelled one.

ACCORDING TO Luigi Chianti. The Lt'st‘s Italian correspondent. the local hobbies are outdoing themselves in an effort to make our southern brethren feel at 'ome. Sid and Doris and the rest ofthe English ‘ooligan element can expect to meet with phrases like ‘Oi. what‘s a your game then sonny'." or ‘You’re bleedin' nicked mate’ or. the favourite so far. ‘Unlucky. but Ireland were a better side.’ All of which. apparently. are being rehearsed parrot fashion by the Sardinian coppers for next month‘s World Cup.

WIIOEVER the W.H. Smith's employee was who reportedly asked what Gibbon wrote about in his Decline and Fall (see issue 1 In). it certainly wasn't the manager ofthe Glasgow branch. Well. we never said it was. This didn't stop his colleagues who leapt to the wrong conclusion. Shocker! It's all the more embarrassing since he has a degree in Classics. So lay off him or we‘ll send the barbarians round.

IT I IAD to happen sooner or later: a group ofyoung men have overdosed on Sunday Spur! headlines. (iwar. the tabloid poppers. area nineteen-piece rock group. They claim to have been discovered when their manager Sleazy l’. Martini crashlanded his plane in the Antarctic and came across their frozen bodies. Well. stranger things have happened -v like Laurie Anderson. for example. Nevertheless. (iwar should be worth catching at the Venue in lidinhurgh on I: May. As part ofthe entertainment they will hold mock battles during their set. (iiven the cramped space and the number of personnel in the band. fighting fora foothold on the stage should be fierce.

The List 4— 17 May 19903