I WOW, so this is Manchester, and look.

they're all wearing the

. same gear as us, oh. too

much. Eric Roberts and Cheech Marin have a Rude Awakening alter 20 years in that well-known Central American state of Managuador. Yes. this is Cheech without his Chong. See Film Openers page 19.

I C'MON SON you've had enough! No just one malr lor the road eh? Gene Hackman tries to persuade Tommy Lee Jones thattor him, the bar is over. The Package opens at Edinburgh and Glasgow Odeons and Cannon Partrhead from 8 June. See Film Openers page 19.



Yo, check it out. You wanna story? I gotta story, I’m not asking £5 I’m not asking £3. All I‘m asking is £2.50, oh alright then, 80p. Alright man. er. officer, I’ll just move along now, aye, and I will drop this ridiculous New York accent.

EVERYBODY’S GONE surfing. surfing doon in Fife. Yes. those brave chaps at Shaver’s Weekly are preparing to invade the beach resorts of Fife. The Costa del Fife. once renowned for its quiet picturesque towns and now known as a place where you can visit towns that are quiet and picturesque, will soon be the lucky recipient of a Specially organised pilgrimage by the ‘Naked Man‘ and his friends. Unperturbed by his recent brush with the law at a celebrity bash in London. where Edinburgh‘s fun-loving Mr ‘No-Clothes‘ had to undergo the indignity of ‘donning some clothing including a bizarre head-piece’. he is on the trail of another surreal day out. Apparently appalled that the former kingdom has not been receiving its quota of reveller-full charabancs, Shavers Weekly are inviting all to join the throng that will be hitting Fife later this month. Meanwhile, watch out for an unusual ‘Swap-shop‘ which they will be setting up at the Edinburgh Meadows Festival (2—3 June), a sort of adult version ofthe immensely unpopular Saturday morning TV show in which Noel Edmonds resolutely remained fully dressed. much to the reliefofviewers.

TED BAKER. the shirt shop and a halfin Glasgow. are bringing out a new line specifically for the summer. Nothing unusual in that. except that these are T-shirts featuring the English World Cup team of 1966. ()h aye, that‘ll go down a bomb in Glasgow. unless Terry Butcher is a regular customer though his taste appears to run more to heavy metal than mere nostalgia. The T-shirts will be retailing under the title "The Spirit of66‘ and will have such doyens of the swinging 60s as Nobby Stiles on the front of them. So how come they're not planning a series depictinglim Baxter sitting on the ball in 1967. when we became the first team to defeat the English World Cup-winning side‘.’ Or maybe they intend to bring out a series of T-shirts with the current Scottish World Cup Squad emblazoned on the front. providing they don‘t make the usual ignominious early exit. of course.

STUART MCDONALD. man of letters and of the Funny Farm. has at last brought out his first book. The

Adventures ()fE/tdill Swift. After several years making a name for himselfby pulling letters out ofa hat he has succeeded in stringing enough ofthem together to make a highly entertaining children‘s book. The illustrations for it are provided by the inimitable Harry Horse. but, the 64,0(deollar question. is. . .does this mean that McDonald will no longer be performing his letters in a box routine, or. perish the thought. that he might introduce some changes to his stage act?

OH GOD! Disaster for Scotland! Scottish Music has surely reached its nadir with the release of Scotland, Scotland by Rabble FC and featuring Andy Stewart. In comparison to this We’re on the March With Ally '5 Army was a work of sheer musical genius. ‘Troosers‘ or no. Andy Stewart seems to be incapable of capturing the mood of a nation. Though the ditty does have an interesting use of rhyme, for example, ‘Sardinia' and ‘beer‘. and perhaps in deference to the expectations of punters concentrates on England‘s potential failure rather than Scotland‘s success. Fortunately. it‘s not the official anthem chosen to try and make a bit on the side. er. inspire a bit ofpride. That dubious honour has been given to Fish and is by all accounts not too bad. Not that anyone around here seems to be a fan ofsuch ditties. The England World Cup Song which has the boys and girl from New Order chiming in is. whisper it. quite melodic and. though it pains any true Scot to admit it. fairly low in the cringe stakes. Aye. but just wait till they lose all their matches. ken. then they won‘t be so proud of it.

AND WHILE we're on the subject of ltalia 90. according to Martyn Lewis ofthe BBC the late Ray McAnally was our recent goal hero against Malta. Dead Film Star in Late Goal Shocker! Presumably he meant ‘Rambo‘ Mclnally. former (‘eltic and Aston Villa striker. and not the much-missed former character actor. Mind you. in one of his last films McAnally did play alongside a youngster called Gordon Strachan. Oh right. that'll be what confused Mr Lewis.

The List 1— l-lJune l99il3