ITHIS FORTNIGHT'S Page Three pin-up features the handsome threesome known as Tad. an American term denoting a small quantity ordegree of something. Enough said. Primal. hard-core rockers Tad play Edinburgh Fri 15; Glasgow. Sat 16. See Rock Listings page 34.

l HARRRR! JIM LAD. latch methaltharpoto' mustarrdllteel like a blto' ham. Long John Heston stars in the latest revamp of the RLS classic Treasure Island. Can he be digging lorburied Oscars. ordld Ben Gunnjust have too" much toasted cheese before bedtime? Treasure Island opens at Cannons and UCls in Glasgow. Edinburgh and Strathclyde on Fri 15. See Film Openers page 14.



Stately Ross Parsons came from the word processor, bearing a suitcase of leather on which a coat and a scarf lay crossed. A green baseball jacket. ungirdled, was weighed gently down around him by four ounces ofgobstoppers and a return bus ticket to

Saltcoats. He held the suitcase aloft and intoned: Look after the Shortlist for a couple ofii'eeks. willyou?

Gl .ASGOW A R'I‘S Establishment in Roving Reptile 'l'errorl Seeretive Serpent Stalks Third Eye (‘entrel Yes. Sauchiehall Street‘s home of the unexpected is playing reluctant host to a nine—foot performing python. which made an un rehearsed exit during a show on Monday 4. and has yet to reappear. 'I‘he scaly adventurer is one of a troupe of five employed in slither-on roles for Marina Abramovic's show. Boat Emptying. Stream Entering. Ms Abramovic has since moved on with her depleted entourage. Meanwhile. experts from Glasgow Zoo have been called in. and believe the fork-tongued escapee to be at large under the building's floorboards. 'I‘hey stress that it is ‘not a dangerous situation. but those requiring reassurance might hear in mind that the fugitive. haying been fed three weeks ago. won't suffer from hunger pangs for several months to come.

'l‘l lA'l‘llME of year has come around again when The List receives a deluge ofpress releases concerning themselves with the climax of Scotland's farming calendar. 'l'he Royal Highland Shows public relations officers had sent Us (and presumably every other publication from The Train .S'potters' (int/t1 Gazette to (‘ertatn Irrelevant and .\'ave/-(ia:ing Reflet (ions Published For Reasons ()f Vanity By' Aged Academies) some nineteen different press releases at the last count.

They cover a variety of topics. but one or two ofthe headlines did rather take our fancy. ln third place came the intriguingly bland Name Sought l’or Stock .‘l [tent/ants' A eeommodatt'on; while French .S'a/ers .llake High/and [)ehttt took second place by dint of its pun-potential. First prize. however. must be awarded to [ivoti't' Names In The l’ou/try .llarqaee. even if the sub-heading does introduce a note of bathos with .S'potisors/iip By' ('a/or Scot/and.

GEORGEH. FIX l l' for you at the Glasgow Film 'l‘heatre's l'tindraising auction on Sat 23. when those individuals yy hi) dig deepest in aid of the cinenia's second screen

dey elopment will go home w ith such desirable commodities as a pair of Muriel Gray ’s ear-rings. caiiy asses

by Steven Campbell. Peter l lowson and James (‘osgrovo a pair of Shoes With (ioltlen .N'oses made by Vanin is Sanity. an original Batman picture by Grant Morrison. and pieces of cinema memorabilia from the Scottish Film Archive. The auction will be hosted by George Wyllie. Vying for most bizarre lot are two items: a day filming with the NB team. and a ‘textual installation' by Douglas Gordon. which the artist will . . .erm . . . instal in the lucky buyer's home.

READERS ()F The List‘s now-defunct [)iary may recall an item last February regarding the inauspicious re-dubbing of the Balmore Double Glazing advertisement. The Greenhouse Effect has. it appears. further damaged the double glazing trade; for the already shoddy advertisement has undergone another unhappy transformation. The hapless young ‘double glazers‘ (who must by now be almost of retiring age) are still to be seen miming gamely to the original. George Formby-derived soundtrack. But whereas the second version could at least boast a reasonable degree of lipsynch. even this has been abandoned in the latest mutation. which begins to resemble those badly dubbed East European children's programmes the BBC used to put on in the 1960s. It's the actors' mums we feel sorry for.

RUMOLIRS REACH L'S ofculture under threat again from the forcesof philistinism. this time in the form of opera. It seems that a certain civic body has been pursuing the purchase of a large venue in Edinburgh. with a view to mounting ‘operatic performances'. Following a failed bid to take over the Playhouse

(whose Preservation Society stood firm against the incursion). the

unidentilied organisation has laid

. siege to the very heart olSeotl-and's

cultural heritage. the Empire Bingo Hall in South Bridge. limpire's

central management in london

assert tersely that they have ‘iio plans to sell or close the limpire'. so w here

will the eiitiepienetirial assassins

strike ne\t‘.’ l'lie (aiiiioii l‘ilm (‘entre. perhaps'.’ Or maybe l-astei

Rtlitti .

'l‘he l.!.\l 15 - ZSJune 19903