, making a trunk call. Bahar

and Celeste are mocked tor their hip garb bylhe monkeys in the big-screen version oi Jean de annotl’a lovable elephant talea. See Film index page 21.

I TOM HANKS and Meg Ryan star in Joe Versus the Volcano. tlloogii they should concentrate on tackling their bamerflrat. Billed as a romantic comedy. the film opens to a wide release, 6 Jul. See Film index page 27.



‘There’s going to be one or two changes round here,’ barked the Brigadier. ‘Algy you change with Flora, Flora you change with Nobby. Right. That’s that sorted out. On with the Shortlist, or I’ll ground the lot of you.’

A ROLLING STONE gives no interviews. Instead, their publicity machine has sent out a CD containing quotes from Mick and Keith, the real pair that is, not the stars of Mr Wright’s radio show. In between the wavering speech of Jagger and the incoherent mutterings of Keith there are suitable gaps for the would-be questioner to interject their interrogative. This could lead to a bizarre set of interviews being broadcast across Europe , depending on what the journos choose to insert. For example: Q. How’s your bathroom extension coming on?

Mick: ‘We’ve used a lot of brighter colours. We are not using lights until it gets pretty dark and we’ve got one or two gimmicks thrown in.’ Even better are the transcripts of Keith Richards’ answers check this one out, kids: ‘Going through the motions putting it together and rehearsing you kind of there with it the rehearsing you know, getting all the people back together again, by the time you actually hit the stage you are in touring mode just automatically, just developing builds up.’ Oh aye, right enough Keith. That’s why a Rolling Stone gives no interviews who could dream up a question to match that?

THE EVENING TIMES may not be the most avant-garde newspaper in the world, but you’d expect one or two of the attitudes forged in the latter part of the 20th century to have reached some sections of it. Not so the Wednesday Sports column. John Traynor’s witty reply to a letter penned by a Mrs M. Lindsay of Glasgow read: ‘Very good Mrs L, now get on with the hoovering.’ Patronising? Sexist? You are the judge. Besides, what’s the matter with a bit of old-fashioned dusting? Just kidding.

LO'FHIAN HEALTH Board would indeed seem to be strapped for cash. A hospital in Edinburgh, which will remain nameless, but begins with Western General, recently postponed a routine operation on a patient because they ‘Couldn’t afford the price of a general anaesthetic.’ So what next? A return to whisky and leeches?

NEVER ONE to turn down publicity for a good cause, I swore to mention the fundraising activities of the British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection.

Well that’s that taken care of then . . . T-shirts and ‘Cruelty free products’ are available via their catalogue, many bearing the slogan: ‘Rats Have Rights’ - perfect leisurewear for the rodent in your life. For catalogue and further information, contact the BUAV, 16a Crane Grove, London, 071 700 4888.

THE MIGHTY MOGULS of the film industry are preparing another hype campaign for another movie based on the antics of yet another cartoon character. This summer, as you are probably already painfully aware, it’s Dick Tracy’s turn to be revived at a cinema near you. However, Weinerworld Video are stealing a march on the film world by releasing the four original RKO Dick Tracy adventures on video for only £9.99. In a complex set of negotiations Weinerworld snatched the video distribution rights for Britain and will rush release the quartet of films. In them, Tracy lives up to his first name by eulogising about crime prevention at the end of each episode. Perhaps some kind of Oscar nomination could be organised for the imaginative character-names in the movies: the bespectacled I.M. Learned, the academic Dr A. Tomic and the sinister L.E. Thai. Ah, they don’t make ’em like that anymore. Oh yes, so they do.

EDINBURGH’S Royal Mile is rapidly degenerating into a theme park for tourists. Yet another Living Craft Centre has opened up providing local residents with the valuable opportunity to learn about peat bogs or kilt-making. Though if you want to buy a pork pie or a pint of milk you're snookered. The List’s Edinburgh office is situated right in the middle of this fast encroaching Disney World, which may have something to do with the disappearance of computers and the emergence of quill pens and 18th century garb around the office. Only £2.50 a tour, roll up, roll up.

The List 29 June- 12 July 1990!