Now I'm not one to quibble. If a chap has the nous to make lots and lots of money. make soft porn. and still be talked of in the same breath as Orson Welles and manage to get Ingrid Bergman as a mother-in-law good luck to him. But why must I constantly be confronted by him in the pages of Tlte List?
We all know (don‘t we) that David Lvnch has the talent of Daffy Duck on an acid trip and has had all ofonc idea in the last decade (getting embroiled in the underbelly of small-town America was done years ago anyway).
I reckon he bribed some fashion gurus in one of the hippest. happening London joints to walk around saying ‘l.ynch is just soincisive and original” and Bingo — instant access to Fort Knox. Now everyone is too afraid of being branded a style mongol to stand out from the crowd and say what is glarineg obvious to all ofus. DAVIDI YNCH IS MORE BORING 'I’I IAN A PAIR OF (‘ARPE'I‘SIIPPERS
\‘es. I said boring. Not daring. not exploitative. not repellent. not loathsome. .lust plain DULI... Off with his ear and can we now lock him up where he belongs — in a small-town. mid-American rest home for the terminally self-obsessed.
Peter Shaw Woodlands Road
('i l as‘gow.
Not being one of the List readers lucky enough to win a ticket for 'I‘aekhead on Wednesday ll) October. I duly spent £26.40 on four.
()n arriving at Barrowland after an hour‘s drive from Penicuik. we found to our confusion all the doors very locked. and all the lights very switched off. Other ticket holders came to the same conclusion. What we would like explained is why neither Regular Music nor 'I'()( "I'A saw fit to pin tip an apology or an explanation for this debacle. or give details of a refund or possible rescheduling. In the end we went for a Big Mac and then to the pub. miles better than a night out in Penicuik. Sarah Mclnally
So you have a new competition in The List — a competition with a difference.
You print the answer in one issue and the question in the following issue - very ai'ant-garde!
But don‘t worry. I spotted it. The answer was contained in Philip ‘finger on the pulse‘ Parr's review of Bold (iirls by 7:84.
The question must be ‘How many times has Philip Parr been to West Belfast?‘
92 The List 2(i()ctobcr 8 November l‘Nll
The David Lynch backlash starts here. For some reason. you didn‘t agree that Twin Peaks is the most wonderful thing to happen to TV in decades. or that
Wild/It Heart is dead hip. Well all right, one ofyou didn‘t. The best letter next issue will win twoJose Cuervo tequila slammer glasses. Write to The List. Old Athenaeum Theatre. 179 Buchanan Street. Glasgow GI 2J2. or I4Iligh Street. Edinburgh EH1 ITE.
(‘lue: the answer rhymes with ‘Attila the Ilun‘. Myles na (iopaleen A Different Kind of l .cith Walk Edinburgh.
What a burst oflaughter when reading A. Dworkin's etymology of her own name in your last issue. Certainly. ‘Andrea' comes from ‘andreia'. the (ireek word for bravery. or literally ‘what is typical ofman'. Most unfortunately for liberal feminists. the Greek for man/male is ‘andras‘. Please. Ms Andrea. trace your roots better next time: there's a man lurking in your name.
Dionysios ( ioutsos
As an ex-nurse who is slaving her guts out working in a casino complex in the middle ofa cultural and sandy desert to save enough money to return to my beloved Europe. I would diagnose David M. Bennie as either an eccentric genius or an outpatient who hasn't been taking his medication as indicated. I receive copies of The List. The [furopean and Guardian Ifurope to keep an fail with what's happening on your side of the puddle. If they are fictional. put The Syringe. Father Flyte. Baby Albert etc in a comic strip -- ‘Boy Bennie and the MCPs’.
I think maybe your star correspondent didn‘t get an overwhelming response to his call for pen-pals because his copy is a wee bit intellectually intimidating; also I harbour vague suspicions that he might have Republican political views — but as long as he‘s funny. who gives a shit? Can I write to him Go your magazine when I arrive in Europe?
Do you guys realise we philistinc
Printed by Scottish ( ounty
Yanks want to increase the size of the goals for the next soccer — sorry. football — World Cup? God. it would be like basketball. But Scotland would still lose 98-97 to Costa Rica. When did San Marino become a country? Good luck Scotland. see you soon. by the way.
Bolshevik Sue Blanco
You can write to Mr Bennie do this address wheneveryou want. When you come over we might arrange a candle/it dinner for two. but we'll have to warn him that you 're not allowed to wear ( ‘eltic tops to The Rogano. Mean while. here 's his latest I letter.
ADVERTISING (cont): The List student guide was better than ever. compromised only by the interview profile of Robbie Coltrane. To quote (‘oltranez-‘When l was a student. people were throwing bricks at policemen. Today the attitude is to make a lot of money and buy a Porsche. That's not the way anyone should live their lives.‘ All this from the man currently starring in the Persil advert on TV. At least Porsche owners stop at one car; Coltrane has a collection of vintage cars. Like many celebrity radicals he will betray his socialist principles at the drop ofa hat (if it's stuffed with enough fivers). Thank you and good night. Robbie. . .
Talking ofslitn. beautiful and clever people. Andrea Dworkin (see last issue) anticipated criticism about her not having a sense of humour by asking: ‘Well excuse me. but does Dostoyevsky have one?’ Well. Ms Dworkin. like all great writers. he does; even Raskolnikov has a few funny lines. Why do the femmes fatales of feminism regard seriousness and wit as being
mutually exclusive? I'm tempted to suggest that humourlessness is a characteristically female trait. but I realise that because All Men Are Rapists (if not Baby Eaters) we can‘t dish out self-righteous criticisms of the opposite sex; we‘ve just got to stand there and take it — right between the testicles.
IfI had interviewed Naomi WolfI would have asked about her source data for the statement that ‘By 202*). virtually all women will hate their breasts.‘ Given a free choice. I‘d interview Sarah Dunant. but if you 3 baulked at the expense ofsending 3 me down to London. Alison (‘raig of Radio Forth FM would be a most ' acceptable alternative. Any chance ofa signed photo or an exlusive interview. Alison?
Why has Barry Dubber erected a teepee on the central reservation of Leith Walk outside my flat?
David M. Bennie
You tell us. David. .lli/tus ten cred pointsforﬂtiling to pay due homage to. or even mention. the sex goddess ofb‘ritish literature. .‘llaggie (fee. But wait — here's another woman with a few wordsforyou. . .
Birds of a leather
I claim my Jose (‘uervo 'I'-shirt for spotting David M. Bennie in The Glaswegian. What won't this man do to see his name in print? Praising the virtues of(}lasgow‘s architecture for a tenncr is understandable. but when he was slagging it off otin last month in The List. it‘s money obtained under false pretences.
Just for the record. David is not my kid brother — he's my big brother. which is actually even more embarrassing. If the wee .‘vlinogue doesn't release a new I.P in time. , what would you like for your (‘hristmas this year instead— the Stock. Aitken and Waterman symphonies‘.’
'I'ell Avril Mair not to be fooled by his sarcastic references to the Amphitheatre. I can exclusively reveal that his regular(ilasgow night clubs include the Savoy Centre. Mr D’s and the Plaza Ballroom. Whereas I would wear my Jose (‘uervo T-shirt with pride to Fury Murry‘s.
Lynn (i. Bennie i (.ilencorse Street j (‘arntyne (ilasgow. i
Winner oft/us issue 's prize/or the best letter— would you believe it. (1 Jose ( 'ueri'o tequila T-shirt. And. as a bonus. because your brother also had a letter published in the most recent issue of I’unch. you hereby replace hint as this magazine 's letter- writer in residence.
l’ress. Sherwood Itidustrial listate. Bonnyrigg. \litllotlnan
l'el: n.‘~l hm 34m