Royal Shakespeare Company in the early 805. She is politeness itselfwhen interviewed; helpful and open. Then there is the TV Wax; the woman we all know and fear, who could cut a heckler down to size at 50 yards and feels that if it offends, it should be shouted about. But surely one of these dual lives is dominant. Continuing on her favourite subject, the States, the carefully crafted soft centre begins to harden. ‘They’re just so serious all the time, I had to get out,’ she froths. ‘Otherwise, why else would you leave they’ve got late-night shOpping.’ I point out that Scotland also has late-night shopping. ‘Bullshit. I lived in

Glasgow for three years and almost got stabbed to death on my way to that shop. I really liked it when I was there, but it was like a slum.’

I comment that I had moved there from Edinburgh and the culture now oozes from every pore. Her sneer is almost audible. ‘Oh wow, you’ve really travelled haven’t you?’

I think the real Ruby Wax has just stood


Ruby Wax, Queen’s Hall, Edinburgh, on Thurs 9 May, and Glasgow Pavilion on Fri 10 May.


Today, Ruby Wax seems every inch the glittering star ol stage and screen she undoubtedly is. But the road to the top has been strewn with innocent victims. One ol them, comedian Norman Lovett, knew Ruby in the early days. Alter remaining silent on the subject lor several months, Norman agreed to tell The List the lull sordid story at the real Ruby Wax. . . Now read on.

You want to know what I think about Ruby Wax. Well one ol the main reasons I lelt London to come and live in Edinburgh was to get as lar away as possible lrom the woman. When she arrives here to do her gig at the Queen's Hall, guess who won’t be there, guess who won‘t even be in Edinburgh. I'm taking the lamily as tar _ away as possible when Ruby Wax hits . Scofland.

Let me tell you a lew things about Ruby I bet you didn’t know. When Ruby Wax walked into my liie some live years ago, she was desperate. ‘Give me the secret oi comedy’ she pleaded. ‘Who are you?’ ! said. Alter only ten seconds I diagnosed her problem. ‘You're not lunny’ I said. ‘Make me lunny’ she begged. ‘Look, I‘ll try buti can't promise anything’. A lew weeks later she had her own series on Channel 4, Don't Miss Wax. That's when the problems really started.

Comedy timing should be like a rally in a game ol tennis. Ruby couldn’t even get the bail overthe net. She had trouble getting the racket out at the case. I played the part ol a hapless lloor manager in her show, a wimpy stooge. As the series progressed, Ruby began to get the odd ball over the net. Her conlidence grew and so did her ego. She was beginning to turn into the monster we all know and hate today. She treated me the same all set as on. My dressing room suddenly changed into a phone box on Tottenham Court Road. I drew the line when she insisted I wash her underwear alter each show.l was sucked, chewed and spat out like a piece ol gum into the gutter.

I taught that woman everything she knows. When I lirst met her, she didn’t even know what a knife and lork were lor. We went out to lunch and she just started cramming the load into her mouth with her hands. It was the most revolting sight I have ever seen. She spoke with her mouth lull and within seconds i was covered lrom head to toe with pizza. I took an umbrella with me


, i'm overthe worst at it now, but I’m not taking any chances in case she tries

7 to get me back. So do excuse me

because I've got a suitcase to pack.

I’ ll

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