I You turn up at a party. hIde the lager in the washing machine, and while your back’sturned, some geezeralways nicks yourstash. The otherguys stare ln dlsbellel butJim Morrison (Val Kllmer) reallsesthls Is The End. Crazy guy, crazy attitude. The Doors is on general release this week. See Film é Index, page 35.

I Obviously not a tan at “Family Tles'. James Woods gleelully delaces posters of mean and crazy Michael J. Fox, who plays a wimplsh actortrying to toughen up by partnering rough ’n' tough NYC cop Woods in a new comedy/drama buddy movle. The Hard Way, directed by John Badham. See Film review. page 36.

‘Our frank and open conversations, they get me nowhere . . .’ claims MOrrissey, but then he never had to try and write the Shortlist did he . . . As frankly vulgar as

we can get it.

WONDERFUL timing from Sportsprint Publishers of Edinburgh, who, a couple of weeks ago, sent us a review copy of More Rangers Greats by Dixon Blackstock, who had devoted the introduction to a hagiography of the man with the ‘tache, Graeme Souness. Blackstock gushed about the heroic achievements of the man, and the glorious future stretching ahead for the club. We were avidly reading the hyperbole at much the same time as Souness was finalising the deal that would take him from Ibrox to Liverpool. Funny old game innit?

FUNNY OLD game (slight return). Art lovers of a sporting bent will have noticed that the latest addition to Scottish National Portrait Gallery’s Hall of Fame is one Daniel McGrain, former Celtic and Scotland full-back. Tough-tackling

McGrain has been captured on canvas by Humphrey Ocean wearing a kilt rather than the requisite green

and white hoops. The frame though is made up of football studs. which rather begs the question from which of McGrain‘s flouncy forward victims‘ kneecaps were the studs surgically removed?

AN INTERESTING new development in the world of theatre comes to us courtesy of the Edinburgh Queen‘s Hall Diary. Advertising the show ofour sparky cover star Ruby Wax. ticket details are as follows: ‘Prices are £7.50. £7 (limited view) and £5.50 (no view)‘. Extending this policy ofcharging people who can’t even see the show, it would seem that ifyou are having a quiet drink in a nearby bar at the time of the show you might find yourself having to stump up for a £5 ticket, and it would seem reasonable to assume that even ifyou stay at home watching EastEnders it‘s gonna cost you at least three quid. Now that’s marketing.

WITH DARLING Dicky Demarco threatening to head off to pastures Polish or Hungarian or somewhere

at the drop of a Josef Beuys portrait,

headline. if the hamster-munching

theatre‘s financial affairs are such that. like Spurs, they could be forced

Italian club Lazio in order to make ends meet. Starr cancelled his recent

I‘ currently in the hands ofthe

the race is on for the coveted mantle of leading Edinburgh over-the-top gallery director. Scoring early points in the competition is Emily Ash of the Ash gallery. As part ofthe recent Jim McKevitt ‘happening’, a strange procession of weirdly-clad figures carrying burning torches assembled on Yellowcraigs beach as part of something called the ‘Carrickfergus Spiral‘. Alarmed locals, primed with reports of murky goings-on on Orkney, jumped to the conclusion that something satanic was transpiring, and where were the goats and virgins please? Hasty reassurances all round. Meanwhile it seems Ms Ash shares Demarco’s fondness for things Eastern European. In the visitor’s book of a notable Edinburgh Polish restaurant she wrote a pithy comment. Rather than saying ‘smashing grub’ or ‘lovely‘, her words of wisdom were in Polish.

‘FREDDIE STARR bought my theatre‘ could be a distinctly likely

comedian succeeds in his bid for the Glasgow Pavilion. The famed

to sell a talented midfield player to

Pavilion dates when the theatre,

receivers. was unable to guarantee the comic and proficient Hitler-impersonator a cool £70,000 up front. Freddie holds no grudges and is prepared to splash out around half a million so that the theatre can continue its fine tradition ofgiving English comedians a tough time.

SENSITIVE PROGRAMMING is much in evidence in these satanic times up north at the Orkney St Magnus Festival. The opening event at this orgy ofcultural activity is a play by George Mackay Brown with accompanying music by Peter Maxwell-Davies. The title? Witch. Whatever next, Tim Rice and

Andrew Lloyd Webber‘s The | Marietta Higgs Story?

The Lia‘s- ‘16 May 19913