l RECENT GRADUATES oi the Edinburgh College at Department. John Sparkes and Gordon Kennedy demonstrate their tine-tuned social skills in a new television series trom Absolutely. the 67 percent Scottish comedy team. on Channel 4 trorn Fri 17. See Television Preview, page 81.

I STEVE MARTIN DEMONSTRATES his braille pocket calculator in LA Story. a tale othedonism. taddish fetishes and innovative inventions set in wild Western Caiilornia. See Film Preview. page 32.



Despite a traumatic heart murmur and against the advice of his doctors, the Short List writer staggers on, knowing that his deputy is even more incompetent than

Dan Quayle.

THOSE WACKY funsters from Glasgow. independent producers Big Star In A Wee Picture got themselves plastered all over the Daily Record last week with their latest jape. The duo ofStuart Cosgrove and Don Coutts apparently took along a Pope lookalike in cardinal‘s robes to bless the crowd at Ibrox. a scam that didn't go down too well at the loyalist end. Cosgrove claimed the ensuing events were filmed for a sicko version of Candid Camera, with other stunts including taking a lesbian to an all-male golfclub. and a goat to a Freemasons‘ meeting. All this seems highly unlikely, but no more remarkable than the latest no-holds-barred production from Scottish Television. Day Out With Dana features said former singing star going for a sail on a schooner on the Firth of Clyde, and chatting to Aberdeen footballer Brian Irvine about his religious convictions.

Budget restrictions are obviously biting hard. Whether Dana will turn out to be Cosgrove in drag remains to be seen . . .

YAWNS. BLEARY eyes and a distinctly wearisome atmosphere would have been perfectly understandable at last Wednesday's launch ofthe Edinburgh Festival Programme. It took place at the ungodly hour of7.45 am. which for many theatrical and arty hacks in Edinburgh is only about five hours after they‘ve finally been wrestled down the steps of the Doric Bar. protesting loudly that they hadn‘t quite finished their pint. No doubt there was plenty of hot strong coffee on tap and the usual white wine and nibbles were politely avoided. The reason for this early start was carefully explained. Director Frank Dunlop apparently had an important appointment in London at mid-day and had to catch the shuttle in good time.

NICE WORK ifyou can get it. Those former Kelvingrove Am Dram boys Forbes Masson and Alan Cumming have discovered their forte at last. after years of flirting with camp cabaret and hard-hitting

drama. Their adverts for the Scottish


Power and Hydro-Electric share offer have proved a rich seam, yielding a rumoured £75,000 in readies. Mind you, privatisation isn‘t regarded as the coolest thing to plug in some circles. It would seem unlikely. for instance that the lads will be cast in any future 7:84 or Wildcat productions in the near future. given the political commitments of those companies. That should give them something to mull over while wondering how to spend their cash. (Maybe they'll buy some shares. . .)

ANYONE THIS publicity-hungry deserves our support surely? We speak ofcourse ofthe now-legendary Joey Mantoni, the man who is making a superhuman effort to send up the Fringe. Hype. fact and fiction intertwine confusingly here. but the man who originally proposed a show whereby audience members would pay £250 to sit completely naked throughout his performance has been the recipient of a welter of supportive letters ofa facetious nature appearing in various outlets in the Scottish Press (The List being no exception. we can‘t be accused of being spoilsports). The Old Ginger Beer Factory. Tavistock. Devon seems to be a particularly fertile source for these epistles. Latest news is that Mr Mantoni‘s show will go ahead. although the only venue available would appear to be a

double-deeker bus. We say come back Zenya Hamada. all is forgiven.

HAMPDEN PARK might not be entertaining the Old Firm at this year‘s Scottish Cup final. but there will be some colourful songs all the same. Dundee United fanzine The Final Hurdle (witty enough to steal stories from on a semi-regular basis) has been thoughtful and provided supporters with a llampden llymn Book. Such famous ditties as ‘Jim McLean's Tangerine Army (repeat ad infinitum )' are given full lyrics and arrangements. but our favourite is the one addressed to rival Motherwell manager Tommy McLean. "l‘ommy. 'I‘ommy. Shut Your Puss' is the title (and indeed all verses and chorus). Serve the Dundonians right if they get hammered.

The List 17—30 May l99l 3