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I ‘You've got it easy Corit baby.’ suggests Leslie Nielsen, ‘When you get to week two of the Mr Fat Bastard diet, things get really severe.’ A leaner, litter Leslie returns to your screens in The Naked Gun
2%: The Smell 0i Fear. See
Film preview, page 23.
I ‘lt’s no good. love. l'ii never master the Sid James laugh. and you just haven't got the physique to be Barbara Windsor.’ Abortlnp the remake oi Carry On Groping. Juiien Sands and iriend came up with illpht Sun instead. See Film section. page 28.
SHORT .
lIST
(Sponsored this week by Danny’s Hot Dog ’n’ Burger van of Pollokshields) Breaking off from one of Danny’s yummy burgers (with .
relish, onions and extra lard, mmm mmm) and having a , quick slurp of Irn Bru (a bargain at only 35p with free straw), the Shortlist writer bangs out some more
innuendos and rumours. How much are the Caramel Wafers again?
A WARNING OF THE hideous things that can happen to reviews when read over the phone cropped up in Allan Campbell‘s Scotsman review of the recent Charlatans gig. The paper would have us believe the band closed with a rousing version of John Davidson's ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart‘. Hipper copytakers would of course have tumbled to the fact that Allan (slurring perhaps after a couple of post-gig pints) was trying to say Joy Division. Perhaps the doddery old Scorman will have the decency to apologise to Joy for attributing her work to another.
WITH ALL THE SUPERSTARS strutting their stuffat Wimbledon. it can be easy to overlook the struggles that go on at the grass roots (geddit'?) of the Scottish Lawn Tennis Game. A recent survey in Scottish Tennis magazine offered some moving insights into the dedication. commitment, and punishing training
schedule Scotland‘s top players put in while striving to reach the top. Take the in-form Heather Lockhart as an example. Her favourite food is ‘everything’. her favourite drink Irn Em. and her favourite TV programme Rab C. Nesbt‘tt. Despite this rigorous copying of Martina Navratilova‘s training regime. Heather has not always enjoyed unsullied success. Under the category Worst Defeat. she admits ‘Losing to Lindsay Nimmo at. Solihull, when I fell over the net at match point up.‘
MURIEL GRAY’S CURRENT TV show questioning much of modern ‘art’ seems to gain supporting examples by the hour. One questionable item that came to our attention was included in a Scotsman review. ‘Installation work by the artists Heather Allen and Helen Maria Nugent has transformed the female and male toilets of the gallery into a commentary on femininity and masculinity with the enforced self-absorption ofthe female conditioned through cleansing rituals to the power bestowed on the male symbolised by the penis.‘ gushes (l?) the reviewer. The List suggests you choose somewhere
in Glasgow to be caught short. or at least demand a Scottish Arts Council Grant before ‘performing'.
THE FRINGE PROGRAMME HIT the streets a week ago. and already the missives from desperate Fringe groups seeking attention are clogging up the lobby. The Totally Naff Tarts (who they?) enclosed a box of rather stale and crumbly tarts (the comestible variety) which doesn’t augur well for their show. being performed at . . .ahh but that would be just what they wanted wouldn‘t it. Actually. these promotional artefacts can come in useful. An Archaos device of a couple of years ago. a severed head on a spring inside a box (yes indeedy). was the first thing that greeted a miscreant who broke into our offices some weeks ago. So disturbing was this apparition that the burglars failed to get away with any ofour multi-million pound equipment.
. RAB C. NESBITI‘WRITER Ian ! ; Pattison seems to have a grudge i
against a certain Scottish Sunday
' newspaper. ifthe script ofthe i
Nesbitt stage show is anything to go
by. At one point our drunken hero throws away the wrapping of his fish supper with the words. ‘Scotland On Sunday. whit a bliddy stupid name fir a paper.‘ Later on. in a courtroom 1 scene. a judge harangues Nesbitt. ’ accusing himof being an appalling ' Scottish stereotype of the worst order. In reply. Nesbitt wearily asks ifthe judge happened to write for Scotland On Sunday. The source of this vendetta is a mystery to Gregor . Fisher who plays Nesbitt. His guess ; was that. back in the mists oftime, ! maybe an SOS journalist had spilled Pattison‘s drink at a party or something. Surely not'.’
IN A LATE BID tojoin in the trend for product placement and corporate sponsorship. we are pleased to announce that this section is henceforth up for grabs. Would you like to see your product tastefully inserted into the copy in this section ofthe magazine? It can be arranged. Simply put details ofyour bid (cash or commodities) in an envelope and
send it to the Shortlist writer. care of '
other then the Transmission Gallery | the usual address, 5
The List 28 June — l 1 July 1991 3