Blowin’ inthe wind

If you were to roattt the world over you would find good reason to blame tlte lturnble cow for a surprisirtg variety ofhurnart dilentmas. but to accuse it of being the ‘largest single contributor to the damage to the ozone layer' (The List 158) is simply untrue. The claint tltat bovirte farts are chief amongst tlte cocktail of pollutants causing the breakup ofthe protective ozone layer highlights a commonly held misunderstanding that the (ireenhouse effect (in which tttethane-laden farts certainly play an important part irt warming the atmosphere) and damage to the ozone layer are one attd the same. They are not. The ozone layer. wltich is 15 to 30km up. is disrupted by the cltloritte atoms itt (‘FC's which whisper itot front cows bots' but aerosol carts attd leaky fridges.

Your mistake. however. tempts me to speculate: if the ozone layer continues to break up. grazing cattle w ill be batlted in harntful ultra violet (l'V) light front the sun. As this UV light is very effective at damaging genes w e could see the evolution of numerous mutant species ofcows. (‘ould it be that these will be so radically different front those we know today that they will indeed disperse aerosols front their backends. 'l he odds are stacked against it but. let's hope natural selection favours a shade of‘alpine fresh‘ or 'flot a| bouquet‘ we‘ve grown to love.

If you w ant to find out ntore about howgenetic engineering is shaping our lives. watch out for the 1992 Science l-estival programme in the new year l)rSimon (iage [Edinburgh Science Festival [Edinburgh

Natural gas

Did you kttow that the single tttost destructive threat to the ozone layer is the hot air produced by so called iournalists writing on 'green' issues'.> 1 refer. of course. to the ruminations of your correspondent Philip Parr on vegetarianism. (Backlistfl‘he List 158).

lartt particularly concerned by Mr Pan‘s statement that: ‘The single largest cotttributor to damage of the

ozone layer is the fartingofcattle‘. Bullshit - to coirt a phrase. Flatulent cattle produce methane. This does not attack the ozone layer. although it is an effective ‘greenhouse' gas. Nor is this so-called flatulence factor the largest contributor to methane levels in the atmosphere.

Although the West‘s desire for beef has doubled the cattle population over the last forty years. tlteystill only contribute about 100 tttillion tons of methane every year. This compares with the contributiott ntade by paddy fields of 150 million tons a year. No one is sayittg that we ought to stop eatirtg rice. Nor. to my knowledge. has the contribution of the millions of bttlfalo who used to

84 The List 27 September— in October 1991 “Print—cil- fty' Scottish

The evenings are drawing in. Soon the clocks will go back. Can nothing be done about it? Try writing to The List. You won‘t change a damn. but you could win yourselfa bottle ofJose Cuervo Tequila! How about cuddling up to that on a cold. lonesome night!

roattt freely across North America ever been calculated.

Much tttore worrying is the increasing level of production of carbon dioxide aitd our diminishing ability to recycle it back ittto oxygen as the raittforests are burtted. \Ve collectively use far tttore carbon dioxide-producing energy than is necessary. If we go on like this the greenhouse effect will becortte tttore than a science fiction.

Molly (ireen



(Philip Parr writes: congratulatitms to you twoforspotting the de/ilu'rate mistake. It pays to keep your eyes. if notyoar nose. open.)

Nocturnal arrangement Sir. may I enquire irt what manner it was that you carried out your tests into the nocturnal dress of the so-called fashion victim? For several issues now you have carried advertising for your very own T-shirts which claims that ‘in tests. nine out of ten fashion victims admitted to wearing their groovy List T-shirts in bed!‘

Now I would feel it unkind to

charge you ofcltarlatartisttt. btit would it not be true to say that there are very few fashion victims who would deigrt to spend much less than the princely sum of fifty pounds on a 'l'-shirt'.’ .\'ow I noticed that your shirts are sold for the riot unreasonable price of £7 (plus a certain extra for postage). a sum which to my knowledge no self respecting victittt would ever contemplate partittg with for anything tttore than a sock. Nor do your shirts eonte replete with such essential accessories as iron-on motifs arid the like.

So is this test of yours valid. artd if it is. would it not be possible to employ myself as your next tester oftlte nocturnal habits of the fashion victim'.’ I ltave many hours of observation to my credit and a bedside ntanner which I could put to good use.

Sean (‘onnor Livingston.

e Eequilu

give anyone arty advice. it should be singing lessorts for Fish. who‘s recent ; vocal exercises make the crying

; about handle but TWO ((‘ome - ortlll).

3 serves me correctly The List said

. around five past midnight. This . ntistake was forgivable (‘always 1 check before . . .‘).

Take a cold shower. young man. We have no intention ofrei'ealing our sources. But your audacity is witty. so we have elected to of/eryou this

week 's bottle ofJose ( 'uert'o Tequila for best letter. Please contact 010‘ office. where your bottle awaits.

Tears of a clown

Laugh'.’ I altttost cried! Mark Kelly of Marillion asked Paul (iascoigne how to kick a ball straight? (The List

158). He might as well ltave asked the lads frortt Status Duo for the : low-down on free jazz. The only thing to rittg true about the whole exchange was that (iazza could not turn his orgatt on. if (iazza wants to

wonder’s sound like Pavarotti. Mark llastie Leitlt.


Never again will I be able to trust the '

most noteworthy publication ever to be blown along Argyle Street. ()ne mistake in six months I cart just

The first was understandable. Why"? Well it was a Big (ieorge & The Business gig. if my memory

()pm. attd (,ieorge beirtg his usual punctual selfstrolled on stage at

However the ntost recent faux pas

. has sertt the tttost loyal farts iit - Scotland ittto utter confusiort.

Page 58 Sports Listings: 'l‘uesday l7. Dumbarton v Arbroath. Boghead. Duntbarton. 3pm.

Has anybody told the clubs this‘.’ Will the players get time off work‘.’ What happens when the thousands turit tip at 7.3(lpm'?

Does the first trairt frortt Arbroath leave itt time to get to Dumbarton by 3.(lllpm'.’

Does anyone care'.’

Well. I do.

Alan .‘ylclnnes

London Road



Address your letters to: The List Letters at: ()ld Athenaeum Theatre. 17‘) Buchanan Street. (ilasgowUl ZJZ.


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We will not print yourfull address or plume number, but you must include them. Long letters may be cut. The best letter next issue will win a bottle ofJose ( 'uervo Tequila.

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