THOSE POST- VALENTINES BANDS IN FULL
According to our Manual 0t Musical Trends. it 1990 was the year of terrace chic, funky dnimmers, working- class heroics and the north not being grim at all. then 1991 saw the south rise again. attitude replaced by escapism. laddishness by androgyny. The independent charts were hijacked by ghost-riding youths heralded as the anti-Farm. Eltects pedals, rich parents, University degrees. Home Counties- domiciled semi-detached suburban Mr Tarquins- these are reputedly the kids who picked up a guitar because ol My Bloody Valentine's ‘lsn’t Anything'. In fact, some ol these bands predate that album, and actually picked up their guitars because they heard ‘Psychocandy'. And in the llurry ol hyperbole and coddling that has accompanied the release at ‘Loveless' something else is being overlooked - the likelihood that some ol these groups will go on to make better records than My Bloody Valentine. While the crap ones disappear. The List separates the good. the bad and the
I Ride The first band to cotton on to this MBV surrogates business. Ride are also the best equipped for longevity because they‘re a bit handy in the songwriting department and can blow away all competition live. An assertion belied by their limp Top Of The Pops debut which made Sonia look like a vital performer and struck a blow against
shampoo manufacturers everywhere. Capable of producing two more albums ofinspired axe-wielding, at which point they will either transmute into The Wedding Present or make a disastrous diversification into world music and go on to breed horses in Pembrokeshire. Valentine debt: 6/10.
Lush I Lush Lush like a drink or 30 and they like to shout about it. So frequent are their appearances in the indie gossip columns that their names are typeset on the page in advance. Recently appropriated the title King Liggers to counterbalance the effort of producing something fragile and sublime in the studio all day. Frontwomen Miki and Emma are renowned for giving the most boring interviews on the planet. In ten years‘ time they may have succeeded in releasing their debut album and will still be saying things like ‘We‘re in it for ourselves— if others like it. it’s abonus.‘ Valentine debt: 5/10.
I Slowdive The whipping boys (and girl) ofthe post-Valentines set because they fit all the clichés — sheltered. unadventurous. escapist — and have so far proved unable or unwilling to articulate any defence for faithfully replicatingThe Cocteau Twins'
V ictorialwzd eve ry time they set foot in a studio.
Fronted by the unbearably smug romantic coupling of Neil llalstead and Rachel Goswell. Slowdive are popular with bedsit- ridden adolescents because their studied whimsy is so innocuous that neurotic listeners can create a protective cocoon from it. Not a wheeze live. However. at least two of their songs are magnificent enough to justify their existence. For the moment.
Valentine debt: 8/10.
I Chapterhouse By far the prettiest of the Class of91. Contrary to their often bombastic claims. (.‘hapterhouse bury their vocals under layers of crystalline chords and swishing fronds of liquid guitar (copyright: Pretentious Music Journalist) not because it is an allegory for the
intrinsic ambivalence of our nebulous existence but because their lyrics are crap and they can‘t sing. Recently made some half-arsed attempts in the press to dispel their big-girl's-blouse image by encouraging rumours of blowjobs and porn films. No one believed them. But their debut album Whirlpool was terrific. Could be quite a success story iftheir record company bribe Gallup. Valentine debt: 7/10
I The Boo Radleys Geographically and visually. but not musically, distinct from their contemporaries. That is. The Boo Radleys are from Liverpool and are not pretty but they do use a lot of groovy guitar effects. Have been known to slag mercilessly others oftheir ilk which. some would contend. is akin to
cutting off your fringe to spite your acne-covered forehead. Howeverthe Boos have an inspired grasp on the old melody versus noise debate and would win hands down should the rest ofthe scene challenge them to bare-knuckle fighting in the streets.
Valentine debt: 8/10.
I Revolver No one knows why Revolver have been included in the post-Valentines scene as
they have more in common with the Airhead/Dylans School of Insidious Pop Dross than the Sonic Cathedrals and Shimmering Shards League. Arrogant teen frontman Mat Flint has been outrageously described as prettier than Brian Jones when he is at best a pasty moon-faced cherub nursing his puppyfat. That‘s not his fault but writing sappy indie tunes of marginal worth is. Long-term success and a pivotal role in altering the course of pop music as we know it are well beyond their
grasp. Valentine debt: 6/10.
I Moose Moose never wanted to be part ofthe whole caboodle in the first place. For starters. they‘re older than the rest ofthe set (apart from Curve). and they‘ve always preferred’Johnny Cash to The Cocteau Twins. Completely misread the whole androgyny angle of the scene when they made a video in drag (which also made the mistake ofbeing humorous). Probably good for about one album of Lee llazlewood covers, then will disappear up their own backsides. Valentine debt: 3/10.
I Curve Somewhat out on a limb, Curve are fronted by a raunchy female with a traumatised past (not least her involvement in a string of dodgy musical projects) and sound nothing like all those other groups. In fact. they‘re not influenced by MBV at all. but by Siouxsie and the Banshees. fir . . . not sure what they're doing here in the first place actually. Valentine debt: 0' 10.
The List 6— 19 December 19919