I Francis ‘don't call me Ford' Coppola reacts badly to the news that he has only finished third in the Beard Of The Week contest. Apocalypse Now is remembered in a new documentary. Hearts 0t

- Darkness. See Film preview.

I 'Mr Oldman. whydya shoot the President. ya Limey bum?‘ OurGary plays Lee Harvey Oswald in JFK. Oliver Stone's version of One Day In Dallas. See Film

- . I I preview.

I Strewth strikalight itsa pearly queen innit. Actually no. it's called Between Ourselves. and it‘sa photograph by Mari Mahr irom the Portfolio Gallery exhibition. See Art listings


Bored. depressed. run out of lager? Never mind. the List think-tank has scoured the streets for riveting stories to keep you happy. We didn‘t find any but we

have got several crates in the fridge. so there. '

BROWSERS OF confectionery stores might have noticed a new chocolate bar rejoicing in the name Time Out. which is also the title of a sort of London version of The List. This has naturally made us mighty envious and we are keenly anticipating the advent ofa List bar forthwith. The Time Out version is sadly derivative. being a sort of hybrid ofa Flake and Drifter. The List version would naturally have to be devastatingly original. packed with high-quality filling and attractively packaged at a reasonable price. Perhaps you have a recipe suggestion? Send ‘em in to the usual address. and we may even dish out a prize for the best suggestion.

SCOTTISH BANDS have been feeling the recession rather more keenly than anyone else this side of Ravenscraig of late. with another group being dropped virtually every week. We had thought that Simple Minds had escaped the worst of it though until we received the menu from Jim Kerr‘s recent wedding bash. Jim and new bride Patsy Kensit regaled their guests with fish suppers wrapped in copies of the Daily Record. washed down with a glass of (chilled) lrn Bru. Salt and sauce were optional extras. What the guests made of this is anyone‘s guess, although for Jim it no doubt made a

‘Melanie is my soulmate. It's like an inner calling . . . Besides. I had to marry her. She was knocked up.‘ Miami Vice star Don Johnson remembers the romantic wooing of wife Melanie Griffith.

"The difference between directing yourselfand being directed is the difference between masturbating and making love.’

Warren Beatty reveals why some of the films he has been in are a lot of w’ ‘k.

‘What we have done is listen to a lot ofScottish complaints. which is what they're extremely good at. asking English taxpayers for the monev. They are over-represented in ' Parliament and over-subsidised.‘ The Earl of ()ns/o w sh o ws that. when it comes to the closure of

Ravenscrai g. he doesn 't know the meaning ofthe word 'politics ’.


welcome change from the macrobiotic lentil bake he used to have to put up with from Chrissie Hynde.

TWIN PEAKS CONTINUES to exert a fascination. The Prince Charles Cinema in London will be screening the whole damn thing in wide-screen 24-hour format from 29 February—1 March. with addicts being sustained with regular doses of cherry pie and coffee. But with statistics showing that the series had a bigger following proportionally in Scotland. why has no Scottish cinema offered the same chance to follow Coop‘s capers from start to finish in one sitting? Peakies are encouraged to lobby their local arthouses with cryptic Jean Renault-style messages.

JUVENILE CORNER With Celtic boss Liam Brady keen to sign West Ham defender Julian Dicks. sports page headlines have taken on a distinctly Finbarr Saundersesque tone oflate. ‘Dicks to join Celtic‘, ‘Dicks deal imminent‘ and ‘Brady seeks Dicks to stiffen defence‘ have been some ofthe better examples. Over the next week. depending on how negotiations go. look out for ‘West Ham hold on to Dicks‘. or ‘Celtic grab Dicks‘. (Grow up—Ed)


"l‘hat‘s supposed to represent the human spirit. an evocation in pure sound. The effect isn‘t based on volume because I’m worried about losing my hearing.‘

Lou Reed describes the opening bars of his new album Magic and Loss. ret'ealin g the real consequences o fli fe as a rock 'n 'roll animal.

‘We were beseiged by these people. They came up with theories that Castro did it. that the KGB did it. and a couple even said he was aiming at Jackie and missed.‘

Oliver Stone. director o f I FK. dismisses a few ofthe less cinematic interpretations of the Kennedy assassin ation .

‘Part of my inner thigh was removed and placed in my top lip; I've got a Paris pout now.‘

Model Suzanne M i :zi defends cosmetic surgery. but who 's to say she 's not talking out of her backside."

'l'he [sis—t l7-- 3(lJanuarjr 19923”