I Whatever happened to Zodiac Mindwarp And The Love Reaction? Well they didn't get religion, didn't clean up their act and didn’t become Jehovah's Witnesses. They'll be proving it at Glasgow Cathouse and Edinburgh Venue. See Rock listings.

I the Hhondda Stuii (or Manic Street Preachers as they’re better known) get all angry and intense and that sort oi thing at Edinburgh Music Box and Glasgow Maylair. See Rock listings.

I Robert Llewellyn drives us round the bend in his New Man lecture on Channel 4, The Reconstructed Heart. See TV listings.


You know how it is. You know you’ve got to go out and

find some Shortlist stories but hey, Cheers is on the box,

you’ve still got half a bottle of British sherry left, and it’s

happy hour at the chip shop. Tough decision, right . . .? Right.

THERE WERE many treats to be gleaned from the Scottish Sun‘s Road to Damascus-style conversion to the joys of nationalism. The Great Scots of History feature (William Wallace, Rod Stewart and Lulu). the long-overdue reclaiming of astronaut Neil Armstrong as one of ours, and the adding of ‘Prof‘ to every byline. The really disturbing news, though. was hidden away in the litany of Scottish comic talent, where it was suggested that Eddie Large was a Scot. For those of you too sensible to watch early Saturday evening TV, it should be mentioned that Eddie Large is a fat unfunny comedian with a distinct Oldham accent. Can he really be Scottish, and more to the point. wouldn‘t revealing the fact set back national pride several centuries?

MORE BAD NEWS for the Scottish Labour Party comes in the latest Jean Claude Van Damme movie in which the Belgian (don‘t laugh missus) martial arts expert comes up against his twin brother. In a blatant piece of pre-election propaganda the evil. conniving villain scheming in the background is called Nigel Griffiths. also the name of the mild-mannered Edinburgh South MP. who‘s never had any truck with


‘I want my daughter to go to Gordonstoun. They eat oatmeal there and have to get up in the middle ofthe night to go on runs.‘

Willi: J!

American actress Bette Midlersalutes 5 describes the reaction to her Cinematic

the values that makes the Scottish education system the en vy of the world.

‘I was despatched by one ofthe .seedier residents when I was twelve to place bets with an illicit bookie‘s at Loughborough Junction station.‘ Prime Minister John Major reveals the experience he brings to the job of

j handling Britain ’s economic growth.

‘There’s only one country any more that's all white and that’s Iceland. And Iceland is not enough.‘

David Duke, right-wing Republican nominee for US President, lays down his manifesto for racial disharmony.

Belgian kick-boxers ever. honest guv. Unreliable rumours suggest that Labour are hitting back with Norman Lamont: Prince OfThieves.

ASSORTED TECHNO twiddlers, thrash metal bands and anyone else who‘s ever strummed a chord in

anger, pin back your ears. The British Sausage Bureau (I won’t

warn you again, missus) has launched a quest to find the best British sausage song of the year, with prizes including a professional recording sesssion, a state-of-the-art keyboard and, for runners-up, a year’s supply of sausages. Past winners of the competition have included Don McLean‘s ‘Frying‘, Fiddler‘s Dram with ‘Day Trip To Banger‘, several songs by Linx, Pink Floyd‘s ‘Another Half Pound Of Wall‘s‘ and Los Lobos‘ ‘La Banga’. The winning song receives a public premiere in London at the end of March. Banger baladeers should submit a cassette and lyric sheet of their composition (which must be

unpublished) by 2 March. Entry

forms are available from: British Sausage Song Contest, British Sausage Bureau, 26 Fitzroy Square, London W 1 P 6BT. Your song could even match Rod Stewart‘s classic ‘Wurst Cut Is The Deepest’. (that’s enough sausage songs Ed)

‘It‘s the smallest scene in the movie, yet it‘s talked about as though it was the biggest screen kiss since Rhett Butler kissed Scarlett O‘Hara.‘ Eleven - year-old Anna Chlurnsk y

snog with Macaulay Culkin in new

' movie My Girl.

“If a frog had wings, he wouldn‘t hit his tail on the ground.‘

US President George Bush responds to a question about benefits for the country ’s unemployed. (Eh? Ed.)

‘I’m fascinated by the idea ofputting

two people in a room for twenty

; hours, finding out what they do when no one else is around and filming


i A ctress/director Jodie Foster reveals


how an Oscar-winning lifetime in the

movies keeps you in touch with what

the audiences want to see.

The List 31 January 13 February I992 3