perceptive (albeit potentially dubious) study ofadolescent sexuality charting the effect 14-year-old Celine Beauvallet has on her Italian uncle and his family when she comes to stay.


I Standing Room Only( BBCZ) 6.50—7.4(lpm. Simon O'Brien introduces a new series ofthe TV soccer fanzine. In the first edition. a hopefully sober George Best reminisces about his career.

I Evening Shade (Channel 4) 8.3(l—9pm. Burt Reynolds stars as ex-pro footballer Wood Newton taking a job as a school sports coach in a small town. Tonight half the team spend their evenings polishing up their algebra.

I The Mary Whitehouse Experience ( BBC2) 9—9.3(lpm. Steve Punt. Hugh Dennis. Rob Newman and David Baddiel with their blend of Essex-style humour.

I The Old Devils (BBC2)9.3()—10.30pm. The final episode of the Kingsley Amis adaptation features secrets of the past emerging. while Alttn Weaver celebrates the completion of his ‘great Welsh novel'. I Panorama (BBCl) Ill—10.40pm. David Dirnbleby interviews the Labour leader Neil Kinnock ten days before polling day. Some of the longest sentences since Judge Pickles retired.

I Northern Exposure (Channel 4)

10—! 1pm. The cult American comedy drama series continues. DrJoel Fleischman tonight inherits ll) acresof land and a team ofchantpion huskies from a hermit patient.

I Ex-S: Annie Lennox (BBC!)

10.40—1 1.1(lpm. Aberdeen-born Lennox talks about her relationship with ex-partner Dave Stewart. her new solo career. the music industry and motherhood. The programme features footage of Lennox performing material from her new album. Diva. See Music section for more Lennox.

I Sport In Question (Scottish) 10.45—11.45pm. Archie Macpherson presents the sports discussion show. tonight introducing guests Billy McNetll and Jack Adams.


I The Scottish 500 (Scottish) 6.30—7pm. The good citizens of Lanark question politicians on their economic policies. with Colin MacKay seeing fair play.

I KYTV (BBC2) 8.3(l—9pm. The satire on satellite TV featuring Angus Dcayton. Philip Pope. Geoffrey Perkins. Helen Atkinson Wood and Michael Fenton Stevens. Tonight they turn their attention to the European issue.

I Without Walls: J'Accuse (Channel 4) 9—9.30pm. Author Michael Dibdin enlists the help of Ruth Rendell and Joan Smith to launch an attack on the supposed Queen of Crime Agatha Christie.

I Medics (Scottish) 9—10pm. A new series of the medical drama about the hard-pressed staffat Henry Park Hospital. Not a patch on Casualty.

I 40 Minutes: A Soldier's Diary (BBC2) 9.50—l().30pm. A first-person account of


2 I The Jack Dee Show (Channel 4) v 10.30-1 1pm. The final show ofthe ; low-keystand-up series. featuring musical

'the policing of the West Bank. Israeli

Yishai Shuster's diary reveals his increasing doubts about the validity of occupying the territory and the day-to-day tensions of dealing with the Palestinians. I nesnick: Lonely Hearts (BBC!) l(l—1().5(lpm. The haggard Tom Wilkinson stars as the latest in a long line ofgrubby misanthropic Detective Inspectors. The difference here is that the action is set in Nottingham and our hero has a fondness for messy sandwiches. See preview.

I A Nightmare On Elm Street (Channel 4) lO—l 1 .45pm. The first of the series. starring Robert Englund asthe fearsomely-fingernailed Freddie haunting the nightmares of teenagers and killing them while they sleep. Wes Craven's first stroll down Elm Street was probably the best.

I Film 92 ( BBCI) 1050—] 1.20pm. Barry Norman reviews Deceiver! -— a new Goldie l lawn thriller. and reports from the ()scar ceremony in Hollywood.

I The Food File (Channel 4) 8.30-9pm. The food issues programme presented by Drew Smith looks at the notion that flavour is not just a matter of taste. but of smell as well.

I No Place Like Home (BBC2)9— ér.3()pm. Christine Lahti and Jeff Daniels star in a gritty depiction ofthe problemsof homelessness. Daniels plays Mike Cooper. laid off from the local steelworks and unable to find the deposit on a new flat after the run-down apartment block in which he lives burns down.

I OED: Simon's Return (BBC!) lit—10.50pm. Simon Weston and two other former British soldiers return to the Falklands and on to Argentina to meet some of the people who fought against them ten years ago. The purpose is. asone of the men puts it. to ‘put the Falklandsto bed‘ in their minds.

guest Leon Redbone.

I Enter The Dragon (Scottish) l().4()pm—12.30am. Martial arts bollocks starring Bruce Lee as a high-kicking expert hired by British intelligence to stop opium smuggling.


I The Big One (Channel 4) 8.30—9pm. Whose Line Is It. . . regulars Mike McShane and Sandi Toksvig continue their get-on-with-it sitcom. James is suffering from writer‘s block and Deddie unwisely offers to help.

I Harry Enlield's Television Programme (BBC2) 9—9.30pm. Harry's back for a new series featuring most of the old favourites plus some new characters. includingthe Victorian Rude Gardeners. the Thirty-Persons and Leslie Norris the lackadaisical barman.

I True Stories: Hanratty- Murder 0n Deadman's Hill (Channel 4) 10—1 1. 15pm. Thirty years afterthe hanging ofJames Hanratty for the A6 murder. True Stories i

reopens the case of the murderon Dcadman‘s Hill with disturbing implications for British justice.

IThe Full Wax (BBC!) 10.30-1 1. Ruby interviews The Drcamboys. Britain's answer to The Chippendales. and introduces us to the delights ofa cameraman‘s bottom. Doesn't bear thinkingabout . ..


I Surprise, Surprise (Scottish) 3—9pm. Cilla Black easily outstrips Jeremy Beadle as the most objectionable person on British television with her fake bonhomie. that ludicrous accent (‘I lello ottr Clur from ()oodersfield') and her smug Toryism. This diabolical woman returns with another tacky series. springing surprises on innocent members ofthe public.

I In Sickness And Health ( BBC!) 8—8.3llpm. The tired old bigot AlfGarnett finds that his ill-gotten wealth is cattsinga few problems.

I Cheers (Channel 4) 9—9.3tlpm. Woody's

trip to England turns him into a name-dropping snob and heis shunned by the bar regulars.

I Arena: Last Supper- Frank 0n Frank (BBC2)‘).3(l—1(l.3(lpm. American photographer and filmmaker Robert

Frank looks at his own life in Harlem. New

York and expands on his theory that ‘everyone carries a gallery of people in their minds'.

‘4~‘ .l 0* \Yl. .‘ ‘vlu t.‘ -»‘I‘y.‘

I Roseanne (Channel 4) HF 10.30pm. Roseanne witnesses a robbery at the home of her snooty neighbours. and is in a quandary about whether to report it.


I Grandstand (BBC!) 12. 15—5. lllpm. Featuring live coverage of the world‘s greatest steeplechase. the Grand National from Aintree (4pm). Seagram won it last year and although his form has been erratic this season. he knows his way around. and I would suggest a quid each way could prove rewarding.

I Right To Reply (Channel 4) 6.3(L—7pm. Sheena McDonald hosts another collection of complaints from the Video Box. and studio discussions.

I Any Which Way You Can(BBC1) 6.55—8.45pm. Hamfisted action comedy starring Clint Eastwood and another lumbering ape.

I Brighton Beach Memoirs ( BBCZ)

8,— l()pm. A delightful Neil Simon Jewish comedy about two families in pre-war Brooklyn. Think of Radio Days and you‘ll get the picture.

I TV Heaven: 1969 (Channel 4) 8—1 1pm. Frank Muir remembers Galton and Simpson's/in Extra Bunch Of Daffodils. Randall And Hopkirk Deceased and a documentary following Johnny Cash In San Quentin.

I Fine Cut: My Crazy Lite (BBC2)

10—1 1.35pm. French filmmaker Jean-Pierre Gorin allows Los Angeles gang members to give their own justification and explanation for their violent lifestyle.

I Court TV: America On Trial (Channel4) llpm-midnight. More scenes from recent US trials. illustrating American pointsof law.


I Scotsport (Scottish) 5—6pm. Jim White introduces soccer highlights from the

the Californian lawyers who are usually so

1‘ and on through most of the bleeding


Premier League plus snippets of action from England and Europe.

I Forever Green (Scottish) 7.45—8.45pm. John Alderton and Pauline Collins continue to do their hit for the planet inthe sickly environmental comedy drama.

I The South Bank Show (Scottish)

10.45—1 1.45pm. Melvyn Braggintroduces a profile of the acclaimed social realist film director Terence Davis.


I The Final Scottish 500(Scottish) 7.30—8pm. The concluding debate in the election discussion among the voters of the typical Scottish constituency of Clydesdale. Continued after the News at 10.45pm.

I Cutting Edge: Coppers (Channel 4) ‘)-—1(lpm. Cameras followed l lackney's constabulary for a month to see how they cope with a flood ofcomplaints and accusations. Seven officers have been dismissed for beating up a man it! a pub. there are complaints of assattlts on suspects. perjury and the corruption of senior officers. A policeman's lot is not a happy one.


IThe Producers (Channel 4) 10—1 1 .4upm. Mel Brooks's first. and probably funniest. film. Zero Mostel stars as a producer determined to clean up. by staging an over-backed flop musical based on the Third Reich. The ‘Springtime l-‘or l litlcr' number has become legendary.

I Medics (Scottish) ‘)—l()pm. More traumas. both medical and personal. for the staffof Henry Park hospital.

I Resniclt ( BBCl) 10— 10.50pm. Second part of the Nottingham detective series with our hero on the tracks ofa killerwho chooses his victims frotn the Lonely Hearts columns.


I The Food File (Channel 4)S.3t)—9pm. Drew Smith presents the sixth episode of the dietary series.

I Inspector Morse (Scottish) 8— 10pm. After his recent sojourn in Italy. Morse is back on home soil in an episode entitled Absolute Conviction. Back-up is provided as usual by the stolid Sergeant Lewis. played by Kevin Whately.

I Spitting Image Election Special (Scottish) l().3(l—l 1.10pm. A last chance for a few shoddy and unfunny sketches at the expense of the party leaders. Makesa change from Vincent Hanna though.


I Taggart (Scottish) 8.3(l—lllpm. Mark McManus stalks the mean streets as the happy-go-lucky. wisecracking. easy-going copper in ‘Rogues Gallery".

I The Big One (Channel 4) 8.30—9pm. Mike McShane and Sandi Toksvig continue their domestic squabblings in the literary sitcom.

I LA Law (Scottish) ‘)—l()pm. More from

busy sorting out their own lives that they have little time for clients.

I Comic Strip: The Red Nose OtCourage (BIECZ) 1030—11.? pnz. As soon asthe polls close. those scurrilous comic L‘llilg‘ITIy‘s present the true s: n'yofJohn Major. .-\dttan Iidntontlson piays the man with the big upper lip. trying to balance the tile of a t.:ce':ss bureaucrat with his evening role l:‘: ..‘.e circus. Things go wrong when the glamorous leader ofthe Labour 5 Party Glenys Kinnock (Dawn French) falls in love with him in clown mode. Expect more satirical barbs later on in ' Election Night from the Havel GotNett-s i For You team. I The Election Count ( liv ery bleeding channel) All through the bleeding night

weekend as well. Survival kit: a case of Scotch and about 70 videos oftrashy Hollywood comedies.

The List 27 March? 9 April 199239