I Andrew Lloyd-Webber negotiates his divorce settlement out at court. For the tull story seethe Sleepwalkers review in the Film section.


l Spectrum. an ottshoot ot sonic noise merchants Spacemen Three, have been causing havoc ot late with their liquid-tilled record sleeves. which have been bursting at inopportune moments and ruining neighbouring discs.

2 .Checktheirhopelullymore

solid pertormances at

Glasgow Cathouse and Edinburgh Venue. See Music listings.

I Not the latest sweepings trom the Blue Peterstudio, but a sculpture entitled Dark Fruit. by Peter Randall-Page at Edinburgh Botanical Gardens. See Art preview.


l l



‘I may have exaggerated a little bit when I said that 80 per cent ofthe top 100 women are fat pigs. What I meant to say was the 75 per cent of the top 100 women are fat pigs.‘ Defeated Dutch tennis player Richard Krajicek scores a double fault with his female colleagues.

‘England’s greatest problem by far is the servant problem. Solve that, and everything else falls into place.‘ Auberon Waugh proves that he still has a firm grasp on current affairs.

‘It’s the Great Danes scaring the German Rottweilers, while the British Bulldogs watch from home.‘ TVcommentatorJohn Motson is barking up the wrong tree when it comes to football metaphors.

‘There’s just one balloon missing, but we never expected Scholey to turn up.‘

A former steel worker jokes over a black balloon release to mark the closure of Ravenscraig.

‘People make love to those they are not meant to be kissing, and the queen ofthe night is reduced to rolling around with a donkey.‘ Canadian theatre director Robert Lepage brings Shakespeare 's A Midsummer Night’s Dream down to base level.

‘Jimmy Hill is to football what King Herod was to babysitting.‘

Tommy Docherty finds the words that thousands of Scottish football

fans have been searching for.

The List3-16July 19923


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