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Trevor Nunn asks you to perform Wagner's entire Ring Cycle single-handedly.
Zenya llamada pays you considerable amounts of money to translate his latest epic, Pythagoras, Einstein, Hawking and M e. into coherent English and then to take the lead role. Talent points needed: 50
Your novelty Musical Spoons act catches
the attention of a top promoter who asks you to open for Mike Oldﬁeld's performance of Tubercqu SmelLr. Talent points needed: 50 You're givai just three hours to rewrite the jokes in the medical revue, Forget the Punctuation, That's My Colon. Talent points needed: 40
The president of a now disbanded Eastern European nation state casts you in Slwrvzzyk Zpo, a subversiver ironic. 12-hour. living- sculpture residency in a Stockbridge loft that no-one understands. You play the statue. Talent points needed: 40
Mike Leigh gets you to improvise the part of a lower middle-class housewife who sets up an unsuccessful hairdressing business in Abigail's Parting. Talent points needed: 40 Steven Berkoff asks you to swear a lot and act very slowly in a radical reworking of Ben Elton's Silly Cow. Talent points needed: 30 Brian McMaster gives you a last-minute commission to perform The Complete Shopping Lists ofCJ’. Taylor. Talent points
Right-on pressure group gives you the backing to do a one-person show that lambasts Shakespeare's failure to address issues of vegetarianism. the Third World debt crisis and poor student discos. You call it Willy or Won't Ile?. Talent points needed:
i A shady entrepreneur takes you on as the
funny wee baldy guy in a stage tribute to The Callus of Benny Hill. Talent points needed:
I llull Sucks Theatre Company gives you
the job of prompt for its camp nightclub lcomedy. Flouncers. Talent polnts needed: 2t ' The Retired Grouse-shooters Amateur Theatrical Society asks you to play the dead body in its Agatha Christie thriller. Murder at the Manor and Everyone's Corpsing. Talent points needed: 10
! BREAK A LEG
1 See a preview of any other performer's show, it's so bad that you remove 10 0t their Talent Points.
You must evai provide your own rubber ring I“ l and bicycle Talent points needed: 80
2 Due to a booking mix up, you and the performer on your left swap venues.
3 Thirty Romanain ballet dancers arrive on the doorstep of your accommodation. It seems there has been a double-booking but your landlord is untraceable. MISS a turn while you sort out your sleeping arrangments.
4 Say 'Luvvy, I don't want to sound a bitch but have you seen what [performer of your choice] is wearing?’ in a theatrical manner. +10 Talent
5 Send a performer of your choice to any Usto! square
8 Your picture is used for the front cover of The List. on the strength of which you are offered an available venue of your choice
7 During a routine visit by the Fire Inspector, your stage manager's fag end turns the entire building into an inferno. You lose your
8 Take out a remarkably inexpensive advertisement in The List. +20 Fame
9 Read a bad review of another performcr's show. phone all your friends and tell them. Remove 10 Fame points from the performer of your choice.
10 Due to a postal error. you and the performer on your right receive each other's playscripts. Swap shows.
11 Get a sponsor for a beer tent during the interval in your show. +10 to your audience numbers tor each week that you appear
12 Say ’Dahling, you look absolutely gorgeous’ in a theatrical manner. +10 Talent
TREAD THE BOARDS
13 Tour your local community halls and convince the rest of your company that this is how Kenneth Branagh scored with Emma Thompson. +20 Talent
14 Take classes in French mime, prove your ability by miming a 'toe-job' to the rest of the performers. If they think you’re up to scratch. +10 Talent
15 You train a team of parakeets to deliver press relases to all journalists in tum. +20 Fame.
15 Sue The Face for libelling you as a heterosexual. +20 Fame
17 Your temperamental director goes into a dryout clinic. Engage Princess Margaret as a replacement. +10 Talent. +10 Fame
13 Arrested while staging Ilaagen Dazs advert on Princes Street. +20 Fame
19 Offered job as new anchor for children's BBC. Say new anchor ﬁve times quickly to the performer on your right. +20 Fame. -10
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TRAVESTY THEATRE FAME POINTS NEED ED - 50
1 2 3
LANDING ON THIS . SQUARE MAY
20 Get caught in 'a silly accident' with a Tory MP on Calton llill. +20 Fame
21 Get a leading role as a tennis ball in a revival of the Traverse Theatre’s 605 play Balls. +20 Talent. -10 Fame.
22 Tum down the chance to be in the latest' Dove Soap ad. +20 Talent. -10 Fame
23 Leading lady has affair with David Mellor. +20 Fame
24 Innovative performance art tour of liast Lothian. +20 Talent. ~10 Fame.
25 20-minute profile on Grampian Television. -10 Fame
25 Poor reception for your musical The Jimmy Greaves Story. -10 Talent
27 Booked for Royal Variety Show. Rehearse your catch-phrase ‘Cor blimey! It's the Queen! '. -10 Talent
28 Bit part in new Gold Blend ad. +10 Fame
29 The local free paper says you're
completely hopeless. +10 Talent
30 Invent Lislo +20 Talent
31 Mixed reception for your all-nude
production of Cats, but the premiere cams
you the nickname of ‘old scmtum'. ~10
Talent. +10 Fame
32 Bit part as a tune in the latest Jason
Donovan video. -10 Fame
33 Your entire company spends the whole
aftemoon performing nan dance routines on i
the Mound precinct. ~10 Fame. !
34 Malcolm McLaren becomes your
publicity manager. Change your name to
Rotten, Vicious, Brillo, ()mo or Vim. +10
35 Kick out everybody with a Sarf London
accent. +10 Talent
36 You are arrested for High Treason when
you attempt to stage a version of On The
SHOW FOR A NEW ~
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