I Beethoven (U) This schmaltzy but lovable story of a schmaltzy but lovable dawg did a storm at the box office. and it's packed with canine set-pieces that almost make up for the lack of any real plot. Sort of never mind the tail. feel the tale. Sorry. (CIC)

I The Adluster (18) Atom Egoyan's quirky and kinky tale of an insurance adjuster (Elias Koteas). his wife (Arsinee Khanjian) who works as a pornography censor. and his wife's sister (Rose Sarkisyan) who sits at home watching the offcuts from the films. This strange me’nage a tmis find their already peculiar lifestyle taking on further complications when a wealthy heiress and her pervy boyfriend hire their house for a sex movie. Not quite as tacky as it sounds. (Tartan)

I The Long Bay Closes

(PG) Terence Davies returns .

to the grimy streets of Liverpool in the sequel to Distant Voices Still Lives with all the Britfilm ingredients of worthiness. gritty realism and human emotions present and correct. Nothing much happens mind. (Curzon)

I Lady Boss ( 15) Packaged in a gloriously tacky gold- embossed cover. Jackie Collins‘s raunchy tale of the ambitious Lucky Santangelo obviously isn't that saucy with a ( 15) certificate. so frankly what‘s the point? The ‘sensational story of Lucky's struggle to stay on top‘ apparently. (Odyssey) I Baby On Board (PG) Judge Reinhold plays a New York cabbie who rather ill- advisedly has Carol Kane and her four year-old kid in the back of his cab. She's on the run from the Mob having just accidentally killed her husband's murderer. Madcap chases. comedy and romance ensue. although the film would have been immeasurably improved by blowing away the kid in the opening reels. (First Independent)

I The Broken Cord (PG) (CIC)

I Body Language (PG) (CIC)

I Dirty Work (15) (CIC)

I The Secret Passion Oi Robert Clayton (15) (CIC)

I Paradise (PG) (Buena Vista)

I Sleepwalkers (18) (Columbia Tristar)

I Sexual Response (18) (Columbia Tristar)

I lAlstress (15) (Columbia Tristar)

I The Lover (18) (Guild) I The Opposite Sex (15) (Guild)

I Over The Hill (PG) (20:20 Vision)

I A Triumph Oi Courage (PG) (20:20 Vision)

I Voyager ( 15) (Curzon) I Maniac Cup 3: Badge Ol Silence (18) (Medusa)

I Slots Burn (18) (First Independent)


I Mn Slstei's (15) (First Independent)


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I Celine Et Julie Vont En Bateau (15) He never really goes a bundle on a plot does Jacques Rivette. as anyone who‘s seen [1) Belle Noiseuse will testify. This is a slight fantasy about two girls who meet and begin to share each other‘s lives in every aspect. Yup. it‘s that dreaded ‘meditation on the art of cinema itself‘ schtick. (Connoisseur £15.99)

.‘1, I A T ..‘ r if " A' to". is ° l" t- .~ i. -‘ u

I La Fernrne Oe L’Avlateur (PG) (Connoisseur £15.99) I Le Beau Mariage (PG) Eric Rohmer on the other hand can always be relied on to soak his simple narrative (an student Sabine sets her matrimonial cap at reluctant Edmond) with cloying sentiment masquerading as lingering

poignancy. Delicate to the

point of emptiness. (Connoisseur £15.99)

I Matador (18) Opening with a rather gruesome sex scene. Pedro Almodovar‘s mixture of death. religion. sex and bullfighting is typically confused. camp and bizarre. although principals Antonio Banderas and Carmen Maura look just fine. A limited edition comes with Almodovar‘s book of essays The Patty Diphusa Stories. (Tartan boxed set £21.99)

I Son Of The Morning Star (PG) (Odyssey £14.99)

I Badlands (18) A cracking tale of under-age sex and serial killing. Terence Malick's disturbing but hypnotic story of murder in the endless Midwest stars Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek as Kit and Holly. shacking up in a tree house. twirling batons and killing people. A lot of people. In its original widescreen ratio the vast emptiness of the Midwest dwarfs the performers. (Tartan £15.99) I The htad Monkeyus) (Curzon £15.99)

I The Ballad Of The Sad Cafe (15) (Curzon £15.99) I ShakingTheTree (15) (Curzon £15.99)

I Rebecca‘s Daughters (15) (Curzon £15.99)

I The Arrangement (18) (Tartan £15.99)

I The Tenninal Ian (15) (Tartan £ l 5.99)

I The Ritz ( l8) (Tartan £15.99)

I Sir llenry At Ravllnson End (15) Great British Eccentric Of Our Time Vivian Stanshall’s surreal fantasy made flesh. starring Trevor Howard as the loopy lord. Probably works better on radio. but a brave stab at anarchy all the same. (Tartan £12.99)

I Global Warming (Wonderland £10.99)

I Chess For All With Nigel Short about to challenge Kasparov for world domination. chess fever looks set to sweep the nation. Or not. Short's old teacher offers some tips for those who can’t tell their rocks from their castles (yes. I know. I know). (Wonderland £9.99)

I Hancock's Last Rour (U) Or 75 minutes actually. The Monissey of the 50s. captured in a TV special. in typically maudlin form. (Wonderland £10.99)

I Stephen King’s World 01 llorror (15) (Wonderland £10.99)


A selection of television highlights. listed by day. in chronological order. Television Ustlngs compiled by Tom Leppin.


I Love llurts (BBCI) 9.30—10.20pm. Amusingly subtitled ‘If The Cap Fits‘ and preoccupied with contraception this week. Tessa (Zoe Wanamaker) is seriously considering bearing Frank's (Adam Faith) child. Don‘t do it. Tess.

I Arena: Edward Said (BBCZ) 9.30—10.30pm. A profile of the controversial Palestinian academic whose new book Culture and Imperialism continues his challenge to the barriers imposed by race. religion and nationalism and his argument that histories overlap. that all cultures are hybrid and impure.

I Cheers (Channel 4) 9.30—10pm. Lilith informs Frasier that she’s been having an affair. and he makes for the nearest window ledge.

I Roseanne (Channel 4) 10—10.30pm. A fifth series of the much-loved sitcom with Roseanne Arnold and John Goodman. The recession has hit the Conner household and Dan‘s bike shop has gone out of business. Daughters Darlene and Becky aren‘t exactly understanding.

I LOVB WOBKBIId (Channel 4) 11.05—11.10pm. 12.15—4.l()am. The nightmare couple. Richard Jobson and Nina Myskow host a whole weekend‘s worth of tacky. embarrassing and downright rude programming on love. sex and romance. live from the Love Studio in Soho (the Windmill Theatre actually). See preview.


I A Right m [on (BBC2) 7.05pm—l.45am. A full evening of Valentine-style programming. including reports on the Mills and Boon novel. a history of the Valentine card and a showing of Anthony Minghella‘s Truly Madly Deeply. See preview.

I Casualty (BBCI) 7.50—8.40pm. Holby General is the scene for more high drama as a schoolgirl romance has tragic results. and a young man is sexually assaulted.

I The Love Weekend (Channel 4) 8pm—5.30am. Richard Jobson and Nina Myskow host more Valentine-related smut. See preview.

I The Love Weekend: Dirty Dancing (Channel 4) 8.10—10pm. Swoon as Patrick Swayze seduces 17-year-old virgin Jennifer Grey with his dancefloor moves and body language.

are provided by punters. Tonight‘s show visits a cinema in Newcastle to cover Bad Lieutenant and Hellraiser III. while Laurie Pike provides gossip from Hollywood.

a Star Trek IV: The Voyage Horne (Scottish) 6.30-8.25pm. One of the more ludicrous of the Trekkie movies finds Kirk and Spock hanging out in 20th-century Califomia looking for a pair of humpback whales. Played mostly for laughs.

I Dancing: Sex and Social Oance (BBCZ) 8.20—9.20an An investigation of how dance around the world defines ideas of masculinity and femininity.

I One Foot in the Brave (BBCI ) 9.10—9.40. The suburban sitcom with Richard Wilson as the cantankerous codger Victor embarking on a disastrous day out boating in the Norfolk Broads.

_ .l \ ts,

I Last Tango in Paris (Channel 4) l().3()pm—12.55am. Bertolucci‘s study of a passionate sexual relationship between middle-aged American expatriate Marlon Brando and young Parisienne Maria Schneider caused something of a furore on its release but its frankness stops well short of explicitness and Brando delivers one of his finest performances. It may put you off butter though . . .

I Screen Two: Oead Romantic (BBCZ) l()—l 1.30pm. A romantic thriller starring Janet McTeer and (‘live Wood. She plays a sensuous literature teacher. Madeleine Sevem. who believes a new arrival at the school where she works. Bernard Hopkins. could be the Mr Right she has been waiting for. But one of her students is following her around and watching jealously . . .

I The SOIIlll Bank Show (Scottish)

1050-] 1.50pm. Architect Sir Richard Rogers looks at the legacy of Frank Lloyd Wright. particularly his last creation. the Guggenheim Museum.


I A Secret World of Sex: (BBCZ) 7.30-8pm. Steve Humphries's groundbreaking series using personal


I Football Italia (Channel 4) 1.15—3.30pm. More superior live soccer from Serie A with Napoli and lntemazionale probably providing the action from Milan.


i I Moriawatch (Channel 4) 6—6.30pm. The

l cinema review programme where the reviews I

reminiscences to convey a picture of sexual attitudes in the 20th century. The third programme looks at the immense stigma attached to being an unmarried mother.

I Bonjour La Clesse (BBC! ) X.3l)—-9plli. Nigel Planer stars in a new comedy series set

i in a public school. He plays enthusiastic French teacher Laurence Didcott who finds that school life is not quite as be imagined it.

I Alphabet 01 Britain: M is for M25 (BBCZ) 8.50—9pm. The slightly loopy Lucinda Lambton travels around Britain in search of architectural curiosities and delights. "There is a necklace ofjewels that is strung around London. otherwise known as the MBS.‘ she

says. Make that the very loopy Lucinda Lambton. ' I Cutting Edge: Undercover (Channel 4)

9—10pm. Radio journalist Sima Ray went

undercover for three months to investigate the treatment of Britain's lots est paid

workers. No. she didn't come to the 1.1.x!

office. instead working as a barmaid. cleaner

and shop assistant. she recorded her experiences with a hidden canieta.

I Read 0V8! Reels (Scottish) 9 Input. ’l'lic

relentlessly upbeat mixture of lhu’sv I’ulls I! J

The List lZ—ZS February 1993 53