I Standing Room Only (BBCZ) ().5()—7.2()pm. Kevin Allen and Shelley Webb present the football fanzine. with news. views and gossip from the fans point of view.

I Naked Sport: Be Like Mike (Channel 4) 0 l()pm. Michael Jordan is the biggest sports star in the world (playing that glorified netball game the Americans seem to love) making nearly $30 million a year. But is be seen as a sports star or a product placement opportunity '.’

I Northern Exposure (Channel 4)

ll) llpm. More outlandish adventures from Cicely. Alaska vv ith Slielly‘s mum turning tip arid asking Shelly to pretend she‘s her sister.


I On The Up (BBCI ) 8.30 9pm. Return ()f the feeble class-obsessed sitcom starring Dennis Waterman as self-made millionaire Tony Carpenter. having problems with his snooty wife and his loyal staff.

I Without Walls: New Nightmares (Channel 4) ‘) l()pm. The final programme in the techno-fear series looks at the fear of aliens. from l*l.(i. Wells‘s Il'ur (UT/1c ll'urlilv to James Herbert's RUIN.

I 40 Minutes: The Importance or Being Ernie (BBCE) 9.50 ll).3()pm. Whatever happened to lirnie Wise after the death of long-time partner liric Morecambe'.’ 40 Minutes looks at little Iirn's return to showbtisiness. and reassesses his role in the 46 year partnership with liric. Just a straight man. or comic genius in his own right'.’

I Movie Nightmares: Phase IV (Channel 4) ll) ll.35pni. A low-budget sci-ft thriller starring Nigel Davenport as a fanatical scientist in the Arizona Desert. coming into conflict with intelligent ants. Lynn Frederick's in there somewhere as well.


I I Lovett (BBCZ) l()~l().3()pm. The final episode of the offbeat BBC Scotland comedy. Norman is determined to win the

great marrow competition so he persuades talking dog Dirk to nobble the competition. 72*rry' And June it ain’t.

I The Golden Palace (Channel 4)

IO- 10.30pm. Blanche discovers Miles was unfaithful. but develops a new friendship with Rose in the Golden Girls spin-off.

I tViva Cabaret! (Channel 4)

l().3()—-l 1.20pm. Channel 4's blend of the familiar and the bizarre began well. btit it‘s a tricky feat getting the mix of music. weirdness and comedy just right.

I The Funny Farm (Scottish)

l l.4()pm—l2. 10am. Fred MacAuley introduces more stand-up comedy and music.


I Just A Gigolo (Scottish) 8.30-9pm. The brothers Brim continue their attempts to make a profit from the escort game. Tony Slattery and Paul Bigley star in the dubious sitcom.

I The Comic Strip Presents. . . Space Virgins From Planet Sex (BBCZ)

9 0.35pm. A fairly ludicrous sci-fi spoof from the Comic Strip team. Robbie Coltrane play an ageing alien who sends his vv’oiiienfolk to liarth to breed with its greatest minds and bodies. to ensure the planet Zeta 5 will remain populated. Dawn French. Jennifer Saunders. Adrian lidmondson and Miranda Richardson co- star.

I Sylvania Waters (BBC) ) 9.30" l()pm. It's Christmas in the Sydney suburb. Laurie and Noeline are bickering. and the heavily-pregnant Dione has broken her foot. l’hew. real life eh'.’

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I True Stories: Blast ’Em (Channel 4) 9.35 -| l.()5pm. An irreverent look at the life of the paparazzi. following brash young New Yorker Victor Malafronte as he chases major celebrities in search ()f a picture.

I The Full Wax (BBCI) 10- 10.30pm. The painfully embarrassing Ruby shows its her video diary and interviews fellow American dwarf irritant Danny De Ylto.


I Europe Express (Channel 4) S~8.3()pm. The continental news series with reports from Isabella Stasi Castriota. Stefan Rybar and Mieke Van Der Wey.

I Cheers (Channel 4) 9.30 10pm. Frasier. Cliff. Norm and Woody attempt to relive the drive-in experiences of their youth.

I Have I Got News For You (BBQ) l()—l().3()pm. The award-winning news quiz. with regulars Angus Dcayton. Ian Hislop and Paul Merton. If you miss it. there‘s an early evening repeat on B BCZ tomorrow.

I Roseanne (Channel 4) l() All).3()pm. A Christmas live snowstorm leaves the Conner family stranded at different locations without any way ()f getting home. Will the old family spirit prevail'.’ Nope.

I Billy (Scottish) ll-l 1.30pm. Billy; Connolly stars in the American sitcom as the loveable Green Card husband who‘s a whim with the wife's brattish offspring.


I The Main Event (BBC) ) ().3()- 7.20pm. A hideous-sounding new qui/ game hosted by the slimy Chris Tarrant. Families are filmed in their own houses taking part in a series ofcmbarrassing tasks and challenges. helped by shameless friends and neighbours. More shameful than Noe/iv Home l’urtv if you can imagine horror on that scale.

I Arena: Tales or Rock ’N’ Roll (BBCZ) ‘)—‘).4()pm. The true stories behind l_ou Reed's ‘A Walk On The Wild Side'. his celebration ()f assorted New York low lifcs drawn to Andy Warhol‘s liactory scene. I The Beiderbecke Affair (Channel 4)

9r l()pm. James Bolam stars as ja/l- fisated teacher Trevor. Barbara l~'ly ill) as his conservationist girlfriend Jill in the lifth part of the gentle comedy drama first shown on lTY. Jill and Trevor have an emotional crisis. while Detective Hobson has a policing crisis.

I Drop The Dead Donkey (Channel 4) ll) l().35pm. An immediate repeal for the last series of tlle llewsrooll) sitcom. so tlle topical jokes have the feel of being only slightly warmed over.

I The Second Heimat: A New Generation (BBCZ) 9.20 ll.2(lpm. lidgar Reitl's massive saga of growing up in the big city continues.


I A Year ln Provence (BBC) ) 7..)()-sp(n. The BBC\ lttlest shocking l'olly continues its run with John Thaw and l.indsay Duncan well into summer and looking more haggard by the hour.

I Heartbeat (Scottish) 7.45 8.45pm. Nick Berry stars in the bland 50s drama about a loveable Yorkshire copper pounding a rural beat. and resisting the temptation to say "l'lia‘s nicked. lad'.

I The Alleyn Mysteries ( tint ‘l )

8 9.40pm. l’atrick .\Ialahidc plays Ngaio Marsh's cultured Scotland Yard sleuth in another feature-length sub-.lloivi' whodunnit.

I Popeye (Channel 4) () l().45pm. A distinctly dodgy attempt to turn the spinacli-gu/lling cartoon character into the hero of all action musical. Robert '/'/i(' l’luvi'r Altman is the unlikely director. and the film functions neither as knockabotit kids' sttiff nor sophisticated adult satire. Its vaunting ambition. though. does have a strange appeal.


I Naked Sport: Fields or Blood (Channel 4) 9 lllpm. The series looking at tlle business interests behind .-\merican sport heads for Texas where football (the Yank version) is a religion. The Dallas Cowboys take on the Washington

Redskins with the coaches' reputations. not to say lives. at stake.

I Riders (Scottish) l()pm. More sport. as Jilly Cooper's tale of upper-citist

legov er (horses and each other) situations continues.

I Film 93(BBCI) l().l() lll.4(lpm. Barry Norman chases tip the latest releases including Summers/iv vv ith Richard Clerc.


I Maiden Voyages (Chantch 4)

8.30 9pm. The women’s travel series focuses on l-‘rances Wharton. a single mother from Manchester who sets otit for the Northern Australian outback on a motorbike. battling through desert and

jungle in the rainy season. Strcvvtli.

I Coltrane In A Cadillac (Scottish)

8.30 0pm. Robbie Coltrane ftilfils a lifetimc’s ambition of driv ing across the [SA in a Cadillac in this documentary series which derives plenty of its tone and style from Michael l’alin's glmmii/ I'lli' World In Iz'i'glilv' l)(i\'v' series. See preview. I Taggart: Gingerbread (.s‘eniiish)

‘) lllpm. \lark .‘vlc.'\lanus stars in the concluding part of the current threeparter. A new story featuring the craggy one begins nest week.

I The Stepiord Wives (Channel 4)

ll) ll.4(lpm. Bry‘in l’orbcs‘s adaptation of Ira l.ev his novel about a sleepy Connecticut tovv n. \v here the vvoltlenlolk are all domesticated automatons The atmosphere ol sleepy menace is slightly marred by the melodramatic climav. but it‘s an effective thriller all the same.

I A Cinema Near You (Scottish)

ll.5l)pm l3.3l)anl. .\llan Campbell introduces Ille ()ccaslottal look til the lttlesl cinema releases and news from the local lilllt) scene.

I Sharpe (Scottish) S lllpm. The first part of a new drama series adapted from Bernard Cronivvcll‘s best-sellers about the adventures of a rifles officer during the Napoleonic Wars. Sean Bean plays Sharpe. leading his picked squad of rillcmen in undercover missions against the l’rencli in Spain.

I Eat Your Greens (Channel 4) Sit) ()pm. Sophie (irigson oflei's more tips for ways to cook and serve home grow it veg.

I Richard Eyre Season: Just A Boy’s Game l BBCI) 0.35 ll).45pm. The first in a season of classic TV plays produced by cclelu'ated theatre and 'l'\’ impresai'io Richard l'.yt'e. .liiv/ gl Hm. 'v (iii/tic. written by Peter .\lcl )ougall. stars I'TilllIle‘ Miller as a pub hardman. trying to enitilate his grandlathcr's v iolcnt reputation. See preview.


I The Dirt Detective (st—nuish)

(v.30 7pm. Craig l'erguson hosts the

offbeat archaeology programme.

I Mulberry ( liliCl ) S S..i()pm. ls'arl

llovv man stars in the second series of the Ulllt'l'hvtil‘ltlly sitcom. as the son of Death. trying to make the last days of Miss l'arnaby (( ieraldinc \lcl:vvan) a little more pleasant.

I The Comic Strip Presents . . . Jealousy (BHCZ) ‘) ‘).4l)pm. 'l he Comic Strip team look at a perlect liiai‘i‘iagc under threat In)!” the green-eyed tlttmslet'.

I Sylvania Waters ( But ‘ll

Wail) lll.l()pm. lhc lly on the-wall documentary series follow ing siv months in the lives of the Baker Donalici's. a not» so-typical lainin from Sydney.

I True Stories: Lovers On Trial (Channel 4) 9.30 llplii. The tale ()l two lovers in Belgium. .\laric l.ouisc (iossct and Christian l'ei'nande/. vvliose affair led hill) to murder her bullying. perverted husband.

I Married With Children (seouish)

l().45 ll.l5pm. Dysfunctional family fill) with America's appealmgly appalling Bundys.

The n.) :3 an}. .\la_v idle—75