Trust those folk at Jose Cuervo, not content with offering a bottle of their rather scrumptious Golden Tequila to the best letter each issue, they’re now throwing in a radge T— shirt as well! Whoop-de-

- doo! Get out those crayons and get writinO.

Nurse care

The sports listings may be the poor relation of their film/music counterparts. btit they at least deserve to be accurate. After his third consecutive erroneous reference to ‘nurseries‘. can someone please tell Tom Lappin that these races are not run on British race courses until late summer/autumn? For Tom's information. nurseries are handicap races for two-year-olds which could not feasibly be run in early season as the handicapper does not yet have sufficient form on which to allocate weights to the young horses in question.

Now that I‘ve got that off my chest. I'd like to belatedly agree with the persistent Justin Monpelier re. Momus. I like del Amitri. but how could Nick Carrie‘s pop intellect be excluded from your list of cultural essentials in favour of his cousin‘s sidebums?

Any chance of a tequila award for diversity of subject matter? Failing this. I'll be your horse racing correspondent in return for an annual payment of a single bottle accompanied by the latest Momus album. How about 37 Colin James Speirs Wharf Port Dundas Glasgow Not this fortnight. Colin.


He’s Back!

Since my last appearance in Issue I49. a lot has happened (tuost of it bad needless to say). I write from a dank. dark cell because of an ‘incident' in the Filmhouse foyer which ‘got out of hand'. Queueing for Betty Blue with my blind date (like something from the pages of HP. Lovecraft) a guy behind me in line started throwing the term ‘post-modernism' around with ignorant abandon. l was just about containing myself when he abbreviated it to ‘po- 1110'. I then made an intellectual decision to lose the head. Next time you hear a l.istie-type say it —- or other pseudo-intellectual shibboleth like deconstruct and structuralism ~ make

them define it properly. upon penalty of

a Glasgow kiss (see Deconstructionalism).

In the footballing world. Rangers failing to make the European Ctip Final more than makes up for Scotland's 5-0 thrashing by the racially inferior (not a gut-bucket in sight) Portugese. Like most true-blue Celtic fans I was becoming inured to Rangers' incotnprehensible and seemingly inexorable tnarch towards the final (The European Cup being all we have over the Huns). Watching the Bruges match at lbrox on TV with Father Flyte. the Syringe. Baby Albert. Eat Saul and the family alsation Roy in the Ballochmyle Bar. l remained seated when Van l)ick llead was clean through on the Goram. ‘lle's going to miss.‘ I mantraed - and so he (lid. Rangers Vs CSK Moscow I watched in surprising calm. thanks to 20mg of Diazepam and 12 DF 118s. btit l was sick with reliefafterwards.

Finally. I remember buying the first issue of The List. with Clint Eastwood on the cover. I said it would never last (not enough happening tip here) btit l was proved wrong again. lix-l.isties I recall with affection are Alan Taylor and his East Life column (especially one piece about vomit on late-night buses for some reason). Stuart Bathgate. whose funniest ever line was ‘No' (but I guess you have to have seen it in eontert) and Tom Lappin. who is still fuming out the good TV reviews (l recall one of his cracks about K.Y. Jelly).

Happy 200th birthday. And remember.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Which proves nothing except I want a Big Mac with everything on it when I get out of here on Friday and a stiff drink.

David M. Bennie

Cell 101

Thought Criminals Unit

HMP Saughton


'()h no. not Bennie again.’ ' seasoned letter readers ery out as one. ‘Couldn 't he take his sister 's adviee and shut it." Anyrate. she was much the/unnier of the two . . . ' W'll take no notiee Mr B. and when you get out ofyottr Illllt‘ll deserved penal servitude. you just pop up to our offices where a bottle oft/1e golden brew and a psyehedelie 'llshirt (lll‘llll.

g": é


The new look?

These days. whenever I switch on my TV at lunchtime. the news isjust so dispiriting. For some time now I've been thinking. wouldn't it be wonderful to have a lunchtime news programme. which doesn't have any depressing news on il'.’

So you can imagine my delight when I discovered Scottish Television's new look ‘Scotland Today' in the early afternoon. Very little hard news. jtist lots of soft. fluffy stories about fashion. holidays and showbiz; and vox pop features on important issues of the day. such as what do people wear in bed.

And the female presenters! ‘F‘ factor in excelsisl Carol Smillie. I‘d give her l() out of ll); Katie Wood. I‘d give her 9; Zoe Muir. I‘d give her 8. And Kirsty Young. I'd give her I.

Justin Montpelier (‘0th Bank Road Edinburgh.

Strictly personal

Have the Personal adverts changed my life‘.’ Not really although they are the first thing I turn to. But there's one


question I've always wanted answered: what. specifically. is a ‘professional smoker‘ a ‘professional female' or even a ‘professional' gay or lesbian“? Are these people who earn their living from smoking. or their gender and its orientation? l think we should be told. Yours in pedantry.

Mandy Wilson

St Vincent Crescent



No doubt this issue of The List will contain details of the Lothian Environment Festival. but there is one company who aren‘t taking part: ScotRail. Not content with reducing the space available to cyclists. they are now proposing a £3 flat fare for all large items. including bicycles. as you reported in The List l99.

A combination ofbike and train is by far the fastest and most ecologically sound method of travel over long distances and the stupid decision to discriminate against bike commuters with this charge goes directly against attempts to green-up Scotland. If we are going to reduce the number of cars clogging up our cities. then the bike/train combination must be encouraged. Anyone interested in positive action against ScotRail should contact Spokes. the Lothian cycling campaign on 031 313 2! 14.

()liver Brookes Sciennes Edinburgh.

Post Script

Address your letters to:

The list Letters at:

14 High Street.

Edinburgh EHl lTE.


()ld Athenaeum Theatre.

17‘) Buchanan Street.

Glasgow G1 2J2.


Fax them to: ()31 557 8500.

W) will not print yourjidl address or phone number. but you must inelude them. Deadline is the Friday lie/ore publieation. Keep them pithy. as long letters may he ('lll. l he hes! letter next issue will win a bottle ofJose ('uervo Gold Tequila.

[)atmne and blast.’ : Jean-Claude (left) has nowhere to run but The


Counting Clues/z Murray‘s Magic on stage Velvet revolution: The Underground go mainstream

PLUS: Peter Gabriel. Wild West. lnspiral Carpets. Aztec Camera. Royal Lyceum farces. Photographing Children. Naya Theatre and loads more .

T I \ ORDER Youn cow now:

92 The List 7—20 May I993

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