I Mind The Baby, Mr Bean (Scottish) 8—8.30pm. Rowan Atkinson slapsticks his way round a funfair after he‘s left with a baby to look after.

I The Hunt For Michael Jackson (BBC2) 9-9.45pm. An investigation of the story behind the story of what Wacko got up to. I The 10 Per centers (Scottish) 9.30—10pm. The chaotic West End talent agency gets held up by a gun-wielding sci-fi cult fan.

I Sledge Hammer (Scottish)

1 1.45pm—l2. 15am. Cult Police Squad- style humour. This week Hammer is held under siege in his own precinct by a satanic cult.


I Assignment Petra and The General (BBC2) 7.45—8.30pm. An exploration into the mysterious life ofGreen Party founder Petra Kelly. who met a violent end at the hands of her lover. army general Gerd Bastian. Or did she?

I Without Walls: A Curse On The House of Windsor? (Channel 4) 9—9.45pm. Queen Victoria returns with John Brown to check up on the Albert Memorial only to find her offspring under threat from the Republicans. One of those seminal Channel 4 docu-drama-essays. it features David Starkey and Dennis Skinner.

I Goal: Blackmail (BBCZ) 9.50—10.30pm. Brought to you by the people responsible for the acclaimed Town Hall. this six-part series follows the closure of the Midland coal fields.

I A World Part (Channel 4) 10-midnight. Prize winning anti-apartheid drama from Chris Menges. starring Barbara Hershey as an activist who is imprisoned for refusing to name ANC members.

I The Trials Oi Oscar Wilde (BBCl) 11.45pm—l.45am. Peter Finch won a British Academy Award for his portrayal of the notorious playwright whose trial became one of the most infamous in legal history.


I The Phantom or The Opera (BBCI) 2.15—3.45pm. First in a two-part mini series starring Charles Dance as the hideously disfigured sewer dweller. Directed by Tony Richardson.

I The Oprah Winirey Show (Channel 4) 5—5.50pm. This time Oprah’s asking ‘What would you do if. . .’ and posing a collection of moral dilemmas. Shejs also asking 'How do you tell your family you’re gay and HIV positive?’ making for a wholesome session of entertainment which results in the audience whooping quite a lot.

I The Rock ’ii’ Roll Years: The 80s (BBCl) 7—7.30pm. 1989: the Fatwa is out on Rushdie. the Berlin Wall is coming down. studean are getting massacred in Tiananmen Square and Neneh Cherry is singing ‘Manchild'.

I The liieboat (BBC 1) 8—8.5(lpm. New nine-part drama series devised by Lynda La Plante. See preview.

I The Net (BBCZ) 8—8.30pm. Rajan Datar reports on the US government‘s

attempts to prevent the use of uncrackable codes in computers. whilst Ben Woolley gets to grip with the latest computer buffery. lfyou want to know how to draw better clouds with the latest graphics package. watch this.

I Screen Thro: Zinky Boys Go Underground (BBC2) 10—10.30pm. An explosive thriller shot entirely on location in St Petersburg's Metro, featuring a blind Afghan veteran who leads a gang of black marketeers via his sixteen-year-old sister.

I Naked City (Channel 4) l 105—] 1.50pm. Caitlin Moran and Johnny Vaughan present the music magazine show. now in its second series. See preview.


I Carry On Follow That Camel (BBCZ) 6—7.30pm. Phil Silvers. Jim Dale. Bernard Bresslaw. Kenneth Williams. Charles Hawtrey. ‘There‘s many a good fiddle played on an old dune.‘ Joy. Joy. Joy.

I Unforgettable: Desperately Seeking Dominic (BBCl) 8.50—9pm. Comedian Greg Proops sets off in search of total recall by ingesting ‘srnart drinks'. That doesn‘t work so he seeks out the world memory champion Dominic O‘Brien.

I The Disorderly House of Windsor (Channel 4) 9—10pm. The Royals seem to

. be taking a pounding from programme

makers over the week. but as this documentary points out. we are paying £100 million a year in taxes. And we still have to pay to get into her house.

I True Brits: The Minister’s Story (BBCZ) 9.30—10.30pm. New six-part documentary series delving into the murky world of Her Majesty's Diplomatic Service. See preview.

I Harry Eniield’s Television Programme (BBCl) lO—lO.30pm. Mr ‘You Don't Want To Do That‘ goes to the theatre and re-writes Hamlet. A man who gets funnier the more he gets exposed.

I Trouble In Mind (Channel 4) lOpm—12.05arn. Another in the Kris Kristofferson retrospective. This time he‘s

. a former policeman who runs up against a

sinister gang boss played by Divine. in an 80s filrn noir directed by Alan Rudolph. I Jonathan Ross Presents . . . (BBCl) 11.30pm-midnight. Mr Woss is talking to Billy Joel about selling 75 million albums and having an attractive (soon to be ex-) wife in the last of the current series.


I Hard Times (BBCZ) noon—12.30pm. Alan Bates. Bob Peck. Harriet Walter. Bill Paterson and Richard E. Grant star in this four-part adaptation of the Dickens classic.

I The Bill (Scottish) 8—8.30pm. Boyden and Garfield respond to a noise complaint at the home of an armed robber and find the floor littered with bank notes. But will civil liberties get in the way of a collar? I Crime Story (Scottish) 9—10pm. Dramatisation of the true-life case of Archibald Hall. a consummate conman who specialised in the role of bogus butler.

I 999 (BBCl) 9.35—10.25pm. More mishaps and mayhem reconstructed for the edification of all. The moral seems to be that if you want top quality emergency treatment then make sure there‘s a BBC camera crew nearby.

I Jo Brand Through The Gakehole (Channel 4) 10.30—11.05pm. Jo offers her own brand of exercise: ‘Drink a cup of cocoa and have a choccie biccie. Feel that burn.‘

I Three Days or The Condor (Scottish) l0.35pm—12.40atn. Robert Redford stars as the bookish library clerk who returns from his lunch to find everyone in the office dead. Gripping stuff directed by Sydney Pollack.

I Beavis And Butthead (Channel 4) ll.35pm—l2.05am. The Night Of The Living Brain Dead gets animated. Is it cool or does it suck?

I Fixed Bayonets (Channel 4) 12.05am—l.45am. Sam Fuller directs this claustrophobic study of men under stress during the Korean War. Richard Basehart stars as the corporal terrified of assuming authority.


I Bite The Ballot: Origins - An A—Z or Greek Democracy (Channel 4) 8—9pm. The opening programme in Channel 4‘s Democracy season begins with a mixed- mediajoumey through the events. personalities. conflicts. insights and principles that created the world's first democracy.

I The 39th Eurovision Song Contest (BBC l) 8—] 1. 15pm. Terry Wogan hosts the event from Dublin. with Frances Ruffelle and Lonely Symphony carrying the UK hopes.

I Notes From The Underground (BBC2) 8.30—9.30pm. First in a series of off~beat. entertaining and historical documentaries celebrating next week's Channel Tunnel opening. This programme explores the legendary secret tunnels of Moscow. home to drop-outs. fascists and Yeltsin‘s new poor.

I NYPD Blue (Channel 4) 9—10pm. Hill Street Blues with Homicide-style camera work. Moving. but might give you motion sickness.

I Bite The Ballot: Citizen locke (Channel 4) ll.OSpm-l2.05am. John Sessions and Saskia Reeves star in David Edgar's stylised television drama about John Locke. the reputed father of Western democracy.

I Kanal (BBC2) 11.15pm—12.05am. Andrzej Wajda’s terrifying account of the Warsaw Uprising follows those Polish Home Army fighters who sought refuge in the cities sewers. One of the most instense. gloomy and beautiful films ever made.


I Greenpeace - End ot An Era? (Channel 4) 7—8pm. Over two decades the enviromental pressure group has grown into a multi-million dollar organisation with offices in 30 countries and four million members worldwide. But has it grown too big. too bureaucratic and too conservative?

I The Knock (Scottish) 9—10pm. The brave boys of the Customs and Excise

man our defences against the tides of foreign filth overwhelming our noble nation.

I Once Upon A Time In America (Part One) (Channel 4) 10pm— 12.25am. Robert De Niro stars in Sergio Leone's epic study of friendship. betrayal. love and death among New York gangsters in the 1930‘s. I Une Femme Est Une Femme (Channel 4) 12.25—2am. Vintage Godard. so not a lot of plot but still pretty watchable for all that. Anna Karina and Jean-Paul Belmondo sing along in the shadows of the great MGM musicals.


I The Ben And Stimpy Show (BBCZ) 6.25—6.50pm. The very odd animated adventures of a cat and a chihuahua. in an American series often referred to as a ‘cult‘.

I Heartbeat (Scottish) 8.30—9.30pm. Another opportunity to catch the indifferent police and doctor marital drama.

I Battle UT The Bikes (Channel 4) 9—lOpm. Graham Obree stnashed the British Hour cycling record in 1992: this instalment in the Champions series follows his attempt on the World Hour record. A week later Chris Boardman will be making his own record bid. once again followed by a documentary team.

I Once Upon A Time In America (Part TWO) (Channel 4) lOpm—12.05am. Concludes the story of Noodles (De Niro) returning to the Lower East Side after 35 years of guilty exile.


I The Bill (Scottish) 8—8.30pm. More tribulations for the occupants of the somewhat ironically named Sun Hill Police Station.

I J’Adore (Channel 4) 9—9.30pm. Loose Ends" Monsignor Smug Ned Sherrin pours his adoration on the much scorned Sir Donald Wolfit. widely regarded as one of the most ridiculous theatrical knights of the century. Harold Pinter and Donald Sinden side with Sherrin.

I lesbians Unclothed (Channel 4) 9.30—10pm. Camille Paglia traces the cultural history of lesbianism and explains why she takes a dim view of many gay women. despite being a lesbian herself. See preview.

I Handgun (Channel 4) lOpm-midnight. Pseudo-feminist vigilante movie with Karen Young. who gets tooled up to take revenge on her rapist.


I Surrender (Scottish) 9.15—1 1.50pm. Micheal Caine and Sally Field become tied up together after a stick up: a misogynistic. nasty. vicious and deeply funny study of the love market subsequently unfolds. There‘s a break in the middle for the news.

I Frasier (Channel 4) 10— 10.30pm. The Cheers spin offcontinues. with neurotic psychiatrist Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer) still trying to get a grip.

I Naked City (Channel 4)

ll.05——l 1.55pm. Rap. indie. dance and ragga bands strum their stuff upon the stage. Hosted by Caitlin Moran and Johnny Vaughan.


I Moscow Gentral (Channel 4) 9—lO.30pm. This black comedy follows the campaigns of five candidates for the Moscow Central constituency in Russia‘s first free parliamentary elections.

I Bagdad Gare (Scottish) 10.30—1 lpm. More laughs amid the burgers and the dust in this US comedy set in a desert diner. I Man On The Beach (Channel 4) l.lS-l.50am. Short Hammer Thriller directed by Joseph Losey: a blind doctor and a French casino robber set out on the run together.

78 The List 22 April—5 May l‘)94