The posing ones
If you’re heading for the gym this January there are some people there you might want to avoid, warns Ellie Carr. Meet the Little Misses and Messrs Fit, and get a measure of their vital statistics before you take the plunge. Illustrations by Shaun McLaren.
g." Little Miss Leotard
Appearance High-top ponytail, full make-up at all times. golden tan. Huffy. Habitat Driving back and forth front her local ﬁtness emporium in a sporty wee hatch. Behaviour Loves to exercise but doesn‘t much like to sweat, ruin her make-up or ruffle her hair. Takes the lift to class. Fancies Mr Muscles. Wears A winning combination of co-ordinating high-leg, high-neck leotard and tights in pretty pastels.
Diet Strict. At the start of the week. But trades s it all in by Friday for carry-outs. tortilla chips
and nigh“ 0m With the girls — WhiCh is her Appearance Disgustineg gorgeous, Elle MacPherson redeeming featurc- lookalike with legs to her professionally-waxed likes Her Spon)’ halCh- Diet CORC- Anyone Who armpits. Perfectly-toned body. radiant complexion says She's '05! Weight Chef’s Workom Video- and tumbling just-stepped-out-of-the-salon locks tied L00klng in mirrors and ShOP'Wil‘dOWS- back effortlessly in sporty ponytail. Despised by all Dislikes Looking in mirrors and shop-windows. Anyone in her (“her women because She's ﬁt and beautiful. step class who’s skinnier than her. Ms Supermodel Workout. Habitat The gym, before work. so She 8mm the day
with a healthy glow (what‘s wrong with Ready Brek?) High-intensity ﬁtness class after work. where she stands up the front, never looks tired. and still looks gorgeous at the end when everyone else is beetroot and knackered. Stylish bars and restaurants. Ski-slopes.
Behaviour Exuberant. elegant. charming. chatty and well—informed — but. er. not really very interesting. and no fun on a girls' night out as she doesn't smoke. drink or get chips on the way home and always gets eight hours' kip.
Wears Tastefully trendy designer ﬁtness gear. Any brand-name trainer over £70. Anything Elle and Cindy wear in their supermodel workout videos. Diet Swears she eats like a pig but is only ever seen nibbling apples and sipping Evian.
likes Being compared to Elle or Cindy. Working out. Looking good while working out.
Dislikes Anyone who's more ﬁt or beautiful than her.
Appearance Whippet-like (he says) sprinter/long distance runner/all-round athlete who could have gone professional if only he'd started younger.
Habitat Track; park: open road: gym; roughest mountain terrain. Anywhere he can push himself to the boundaries of human achievement really. Behaviour Has been known to run to work (five miles). regularly gives up lunch for a session in the pool (50 lengths) and always rushes home for a couple of hours on the treadmill before retiring early with a copy of Athletics Weekly. Doesn't drink on Hogmanay so he can do the New Year‘s Day Triathlon in Edinburgh.
Wears Aero-dynamic trainers with go-faster stripes. No-nonsense shorts and vest in Teflon-
coated. sweat-proof fabric. Stopwatch. " " “ o . Anything Linford Christie wears. I V Diet A healthy one high in carbohydrates. low in fat. low in alcohol. tea. coffee and other
harmful toxins that could take the edge off his personal best. Performance enhancing drugs if necessary.
likes Winning. Talking about trainers. Chariots Of Fire - the ﬁlm 130d [he SOUNdlrfle- A . Dislikes Losrng. Missing training. Anyone tn the running club who s faster than him. .
Fancy burning off that turkey in the luxury of one M M I of Edinburgh’s most prestigious health clubs? . - r Prepared to spend 1997 pampering yourself with saunas, steam baths and beauty treatments? Well, now's your chance. Those superﬁt people at The Edinburgh Club, 2 Hillside Crescent (0131 556 3 8845/0051) are offering a perfectly-fonned,;_full' . year’s membership to their facilities - including ﬁtness room, cardio theatre, personal f programming, exercise classes, spa facilities, ibisrm and creche -— to the lucky reader whocan answer the following question: ’ ’ '«
Appearance Beefcake with arms so big they don't touch his sides anymore. IOO per cent sunbed tan. tattoo that says he loves his mum and another featuring a girl who looks like Jessica Rabbit. Habitat The gym. Beefcakes‘ comer in uptown clubs at weekends. so he
can show off his muscles to the boys and girls. Behaviour Parading round gyms. clubs and bars so
he can show off his muscles to the boys and girls. ' Looking in mirrors. shop windows. etc. Checking out anyone with bigger pecs than him. Wears Stripy weightlifter-style leotard for
displaying those deltoids to full effect. Getting fit means exercising: Chunky gold jewellery. A girl who looks 1) Every day for‘at least an hour. . ~. 'W like Jessica Rabbit. 2) Three times a week for twenty minutes at a Diet A calorie bonanza of steak. pasta, ice- time. . " '- cream and bulk-building high-performance 3) Once a week for ten minutes. . . - dim“? _ Answers on a postcard by Fri 24‘Jan. . likes Hrs muscles. Bodybuilders Weekly. Arnie. Mark them nil-.533 mp, 11'. m’q‘tmﬁg, Dislikes Girls who don‘t fancy him. Going home to 3"...” Sam“, 8“ "E. _- x v -‘ ;-1~‘~r-si§:,9'~.:_y;.,;,.i;;:,
find the fridge empty. Gyms without mirrors. Arnie.
28 The List 10-23 Jan I997