Everything you wanted to know about the Edinburgh Festival, but were too pissed to ask

Fantasy Festival

The section where we get to programme the Festival to our own dubious ends, creating unlikely combinations of characters and performances which are bound to end in tears.

FANTASY FESTIVAL IS a totally original Now stay With this one. The San

idea, made up by us and not nicked in Francisco Ballet is performing Bizet’s any way at all from Messrs Baddiel and Symphony In C, which, according to Skinner’s Fantasy Football. Much. So the International Festival programme here it is, your favourite stars appearing ’culminates in an awe-inspiring finale in shows which you wouldn’t for 48 dancers unmatched anywhere in necessarily imagine them appearing in. ballet for pure excitement'.

Stunning, eh? This is, of course, bollocks Put

BELLY Sadowitz in the line-up and we Starting with something almost serious, guarantee that you’ll see some real before slipping down the inevitable path exotement. Thrill as he fills his tights to vacuous inanity, a straw poll around with his finely tuned athlete’s body; the office has revealed that two of us marvel as he daringly challenges the would like to see comedian Frank non-vocal tradition of ballet with his Skinner appearing in the International innovative use of swear words and Festival’s verSion of Chekhov’s The cheer profusely as he makes the Cherry Orchard. Anton ’Laughing Boy’ conductor’s baton disappear up the Chekhov, as his mates called him, prima ballerina’s nasal caVity in one of reckoned that there were elements of his spectacular magic tricks. Now, that’s humour in his key play but generations entertainment,

of directors have, in our humble opinion, failed to bring this out properly. Skinner’s HOT COLUMN

the man. With his top comic skills, he’d We’ll knock it on the head there,

have no difficulty in maXimising the belly before the more lubricious elements in

laughs as the brother and sister the office get hot under the collar and Ranyevskaia are forced to sell off their start fantaSismg about the erotic assets to Lopakhin, dancer, Shakti. Should any readers think up any more unlikely

STUFFED TIGHTS combinations, then drop the Diary a Sticking with the Internatiogal Festival, line. Depending on the success or lack but movmg yet further beyond the of success of the Bribes, please column, I bounds of reason, consider, if you can, there may even be a prize involved. But "AW" the Sight of magiCian, comedian and given the results so far that's looking scary bastard Jerry Sadowitz in a tutu. doubtful. Sadowitz disguised unconvincineg as a ballerina

admirable goal which saved world with his show. He has

ready to advise on how to protect your wallet from the ravages of the casino croupier. One such man is Paul Zenon, who the Diary met recently in a bar. Zenon is appearing every night at the Spiegeltent in a show which blends con tricks and comedy with magic.

Zenon became interested in the seedier side of sleight of hand at the age of eight when he fleeced his young chums with a fake raffle tickets scam. By the time he'd reached his late teens Zenon was a proficient 1/ from Melbourne who are enough trickster to travel , "1 / ,r hip appearing at the Spiegeltent. around the Med on the back M ‘3" w 'y They were keen to set up a , v t- of gullible tourists, an Paul Zenon: place your bets little cross promotion with The Rhonda Sisters get their marching orders

12 THE LIST IS~-ZI Aug 1997

recommendation to see a show can you get?

PVC Party The Diary just happened to ! be having a drink in a Royal l Mile hostelry recently when our gaze was arrested by the i sight of two women, scantily I clad in PVC mini-skirts and with what appeared to be i l l l l

him from the drudgery of also been banned from :

fruit-picking which every casino in Denmark. All i l COD Man bedevilled so many of his fine qualifications for a trip , When the chips are down, back-packing peers. to a casino in Edinburgh. : and the Diary’s chips usually Nowadays, as well as his Suffice to say that our little I are, it's handy to have a Fringe act, Zenon has over a group left the casino with l card technician standing by 100 TV appearances up his more money than when we i your side, a man who is sleeve and has travelled the entered. What greater '

bells covering their nipples. Upon closer inspection, it turns out that the twosome are in fact the Rhonda Movement, a somewhat unorthodox percussive band