TV REVIEW Channel hopping

The kids in tellyland are certainly not alright. Everywhere you look they are up to all kinds of mayhem, mischief and miscreance. In Killer Net (Channel 4, Tuesdays), the bright, young things have been caught in the sticky world of the web where downloading the awesomely unsexy Sexy Sadie leads to hyper-real murder, and they have to put up with dim-Witted rozzers saying things like 'what’s on-line mean?’ There is a creeping menace which makes this naive drama compelling, but it remains flawed to its very core. Killer Net is neither as horrendously awful as some critics would have you believe, nor is it as important as Lynda

Dawson’s {freer} writer Kevin . Williamson tries too hard. His words took dynamite on paper, but evaporate en contact with the air, meets ééite media stettents’ job

gsresgsects an graduation.

La Plante likes to think. Just in case you haven't got the pomt that, in Lynda's view, the Internet and technology in general is A Very Bad Thing Indeed, we get the closing image of a monitor being chucked from a very tall bUilding (in profound slo-mo, naturally) and exploding into many little bits on the ground. Subtle would not be the word.

Somewhat less bludgeoning is Close Relations (BBCI, Sundays), the hyper- sexed family drama where young Imogen (the splendidly/appallineg named, Honeysuckle Weekes) has the hots for a young blacksmith. We know they'll soon be hammering and tonging it as Ms Weekes has already told the press of her embarrassment at the prospect of granny seeing her doing the deed on screen.

The trials of the three sisters, Prue (having an affair with her married boss before swiping his job), Maddy (simultane0usly falling in love and out

Teenagers in love: Dawson's Creek

of the closet) and Louise (constantly in a state of high harrassment) took a backseat this week. The xenophobic tendencies of the dad (Keith Barron) appear to have been forgotten when he falls for a black skinhead nurse. Barron’s performances in this kind of thing almost make you forget Duty Free, and Close Relations is an impressive drama which is good enough in itself, even Without the delicious promise of the first three in a

bed session on British small-screens. There was nothing but menages a trois in Dawson's Creek (Channel 4, Saturdays). Dawson (James van der Beek) was attempting it with Jen, who admitted that she was not the snivelling virgin he had suspected; then he caught his mum munching on a TV anchor’s gums. Meanwhile, Pacey was somewhat implausibly caught on camera, implausibly

banging his voluptuous teacher against an

implausibly giant oak. The only one not at it was Jen’s dear old gran, though perhaps being a dead-ringer for Germaine Greer had something to do with it. The main problem is that writer Kevin Williamson tries too hard. Lines like 'I firmly believe that secrets destroy' and ’All this subtext is making me tired' may have looked dynamite on paper, but they evaporate on contact With the air, much like media students' job prospects on graduation.

In the brand spanking new Beverley Hills 90210 (Sky 1, Sundays) no-one is anything less than a perfect phySical specimen. All the vacuous girls sound like Minnie Mouse on helium rush, while the guys are automatons With deadly fringes. When the lovely Kelly is shot to pieces, and lying dangerously ill in hospital, surrounded by the most delectable set of medics you've ever clapped your peepers on, the gorgeous Brandon vows revenge with so little menace that it would send shivers up and down nobody's pet piranha. Beverley Hills 90270 lacks bite. (Brian Donaldson)

Annie Nightingale Radio 1, Sun 31 May & Sun 7 Jun, 4am.

The World Cup isn't the only reason to keep an eye on Paris this summer. Since the phenomenal crossover success of French acts Daft Punk and Air, the coolest dance music is Gallic

bred. To celebrate this fact and tie in with footballing festivities, Annie

Nightingale is broadcasting direct from the heart of the scene. Her show on Sunday 31 May comes from Paris's trendy What's Up? bar and will showcase the turntable talents of France's up-and-coming DJs, including Erik Rug, DJ Deep, Cyr K, new ffrr and Grand Royal Signing Doctor L, and Sutra the Godfather of French house.

Nightingale's second show comes from the Elysee venue in Montrnartre and features live sets from better known acts such as l Cubed, Dmitri From Paris, Da Free Funkateers and Red Snapper, who have just released a new record 'Bogeyman’ featuring remixes from David Holmes and Two Lone Swordsmen.

'I'm going to Paris to solve the extraordinary mystery of what this scene's all about,’ enthuses Nightingale, who was the first UK DJ to broadcast tracks by Daft Punk. ’lt’s a very identifiable sound it’s funky and a lot of it is very funny. But you try to find out who these people are and they disappear into these shadowy figures and more pseudonyms. Then you discover that it’s one half of Motorbass under a different name!’

review TV & RADIO

Sexy boys: French crossover act Air

The French scene is very strange. Despite boasting a veritable production-line of new talent, a lack of club culture and a bizarre radio policy means that the dance crew get little encouragement or acclaim in their own country. They must look to Britain for recognition.

In addition to the Annie Nightingale shows, Radio I is broadcasting The French Connection at 10pm on Sunday 31 May, featuring tracks from Air, Etienne de Crecy and Laurent Garnier At 10.45pm on Sunday 7 June, Tim Westwood presents Rap De La France, a look at the thrivmg French hip hop scene. (Peter Ross)


It's all been pills, thrills and bellyaches in Soapland this fortnight.

Nice Chester, shame about the drug habit: Lucy Benson in Hollyoaks

There's been enough pill-popping in Chester soap Hollyoaks recently to merit a remake of Valley Of The Dolls. Nice girl Lucy Benson's downward spiral into prescription drugs hell has been easily the most addictive storyline compared to the cold turkey tedium of the rest of the programme. Power struggle at the student magazine! A country and western night at Parkersl Wondering if the son from Butterflies who isn’t lanky Nicholas Lyndhurst, will leave his wife and shack up with young Kate!

These plotlines seem all the more mundane given that Lucy, all goggle-eyed and hyper, is furtively downing the uppers like opium-laced Smarties.

Of course, the viewing public have expected her to overdose since boyfriend/dealer/hammy twat Rob first appeared with a bulging sackful of drugs, but Ho/Iyoaks writers would have been mad to kill Lucy off jUSI because she’s had one pill too many. Kerrie Taylor's strong performance is the most watchable in the show. If Lucy does pop her clogs, there’ll always be a place for her as a drug-addled diva in the latest sex and shopping mini-series.

Someone who’ll never rise that far is freckly market trader Bian-kaaah Butcher in EastEnders. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth when Ricky walked out after assuming Bian-kaaaah was having an affair with lad-about-town Lenny.

The truth was less serious. Bianc- kaaaaah got bladdered at a party a couple of years back and had a duvet kind of love With Lenny. Oh, and she might have caught Hepatitis B from him. What other dark secrets is he hiding beneath that permanent polo shirt?

Ricky and Bian-kaaaaaah got back together with the obligatory ’I luv you', ‘I luv you, too' moment on the sofa. There were so many dying goldfish impressions, you wished they'd both caught something terminal. Then at least you could flush them down the loo where they belong. (Dawn Lindsey)

28 Mav 11 Jun 1998 THE U8T87