l1 ' I. front of house

Publicity Shot Of The Week

That a picture is worth a thousand words is an excuse that newspaper photographers have used as justifi- ciation for their outragous invoices

since the invention of the Guttenberg press. Exactly which thousand words this image conjurs up we will leave to your own imagination. What caught our eye was the comic malevolent look on the face of the youthful Strangler as well as his apparent dastardly hunchback. What we want to know is why his victim's face is so contorted when the rope isn't pulled tight. Does no-one teach young people how to strangle properly anymore?

i Hitchcock’s Bollocks (Fringe) Pounds, Dollars and Cents, Roman Eagle Lodge (Venue 27) 622 7207, until 23 Aug, 8.30pm, [4 (£3.50)

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and managed to string the two gullible gawpers along for a full fifteen minutes. Shurely shome mishtake, as no one remarked.


One of the more entertaining sights at the festival is the antics of the staff of the fudge- making shop on the High Street. One member of staff is often to be found on the pavement outside trying to entice people into the shop to watch a fudge-making demonstration and then to buy some of the sugary delight. The large number of tourists who don't have a sufficient grasp of English to understand the salesman's patter is

szrususr 6-13 Aug 1998

making his job more difficult than is perhaps necessary. Like generations of British before him, the salesman has adopted the technique of abbreviating his pitch and shouting more loudly in order to make himself easily understood. This leads to the surreal sight of befuddled tourists being surprised by a wild-eyed figure who pops up beside them and bellows 'FUDGE' in their ears. Why pay to see performers?


Front Of House had its tummy turned recently when faced with the latest creation of Carl Djerassi, inventor of the female contraceptive pill and playwright. There we were enjoying a quiet, post-lunch slumber under

the desk when we were alerted to the fact that Djerassi had had postcards made up which depicted giant sperm rising above the Forth rail bridge as well as a band of them attacking the floral clock in Princes Street Gardens. Miraculous as procreation may be, the thought of

Huge sperm: very unpleasant

400ft sperm slopping from a sea of baby gravy and bothering the smooth running of the 3.15 from Kirkcaldy quite disturbed our digestion. Back on dry land, you can catch Djerassi’s play An Immaculate Misconception at St Columba's by the Castle until 31 Aug.

Tee hee Le

Earlier this year, Hung Le visited Vietnam, a country he fled 23 years ago in a leaky prawn trawler. Now resident in Australia, his show feeds off the meeting of two cultures and regurgitates the funny bits.

Q) Which is worse: the food here or the food in Australia?

A) Australia will never make smoked sausages With salt and sauce like the Scots and they go really well With two minute noodles, Which is most important.

Q) What struck you most about Australia when you first got there? A) Greeks Nine year-old kids with hairy chests, hairy shoulders and moustaches . , , and that‘s just the girls.

Q) What strikes you now?

A) Skinheads With big sticks.

Q) In the interests of integration, has anyone set up a Vietnamese Australian rules football team? Or are the Vietnamese too bright for that?

A) There Will be one, they'll be called ’The 0095', but commentators might have problems With names like Nguynh, Ngoc and Phuc‘. 'The ball bounces and it’s Nguynh knocks it down to Ngoc and Phuc Mee. It's a big sausage roll (goal).’

Q)What's the best thing that the combination of Australian and Vietnamese culture has produced? A) Chicken feet risotto, Spaghetti parma-china.

Q) Word association time. What do the words 'dog's dinner’ mean to you?

A) The fattening up of somebody.

Q) Pauline Hanson, right wing, anti-immigration, Australian politician: is death too good for her?

A) I don’t Wish death on Pauline Hanson because she gets me a lot of work. I call her my material girl. Anyway with her hair colour and my red head, I’m sure I’m her bastard son but she's denying it. She's an Egyptian fish? livmg in de-Nile.

Hung Le Noodle Frontity (Fringe) The Honeycomb (Venue 739) 226 2757, unti/31Auq, 7pm, £7 50 (£6.50).

Hung Le: crackers, preferably prawn