In her latest List Diary instalment, Radio Scotland DJ and party-fiend GILL MILLS wakes up in hospital after a night on the town.

In my experrence, comrng round reekrng of alcohol rs only one step away from atvvakenrng wrth the pungent aroma of general anaesthetrc clrngrng to your nostrrls, I'm not sure rI rt’s the company I'm keeprng or an rnnate deSrre to EAT MORE HOSPITAL FOOD, but thrngs here are gettrng a lrttle out of hand.

Surprrsrngly, I can't remember much about what happened, but reports are comrng rn of eprOrts that wouldn't be out of place on a sarlor’s stag nrght. Havrng only Just been re-admrtted to TGI Fridays after a nrght out wrth Ewan Macleod, I can now add the Drovers Inn and the whole of Inverary to my no- go lrst. Oh, and the head llllerGS unrt at Leaven Vale won’t be askrng me back erther. But I’ll spare you the detarls. After the fortnrght I’ve had, a guret weekend rn the country should nave been lLlSt the tonrc

Two weeks back, nursrng a hangover the SI/C of the Cerrtrai Belt, l stuttered my way through a brref chat wrth Babybird, clesprte a feelrng of paranosa that grew rn drreCt proportson to the black eye that was swellrng up as we spoke. Compeiled to rrse above rt

I can now add the Drovers Inn and the whole of Inverary to my no-go list. Oh, and the head injuries unit at Leaven Vale won't

be asking me back either.

and drown my sorrows at that warlrng-wall-of-a- band Mansun's grg. Decrded to enjoy a prnt of my own mornrng water rather than go backstage. Week perked up consrderably when I had a chat vt'rth Ken and James Supernatural, although I don’t blame Ken for feelrng mrft'ed at hrs recent cartoon

rncarnatron on the new srngle sleeve renderrng hrm as a bloncle Davrd Raopaport's stunted brother Slumped In the Hilton reception rnarnlrnrng Gatorade after a rrdrculous nrght at tne Placebo grg, l detaried my New Best Theory there are only so many nrgltts a grrl can spend admrrr'rg stuccoed walls whrie gnawrng on. l'har trger prawns and downrng the egurvalent of Luxerr'tbourg's annual alcoho' r'rtake. In defence of my regular’ attendance, I argue that the opertrng mob: of any bar rs the only trnre you're gor'rg to see the torlets (lean ltr’lanaged to push my way througl‘ the Ferrar'r's and get rnto the 62 openrng wrth our dash ng l‘osts The Montrose Avenue lvlarvelled at the presence of Bez, rock's greatest lrgger. In a band ‘.'-.*|IlTOUI ever contr'butrr‘g anythrng, wrrtten a book \vrthout putting pen to paper for rr‘cludrng the letter 'g' anywhere rn the maritrsc mph and non booked to DJ, armed \xvrtn a (la/ed expressron and a rnate \wrtl‘ a record bag You have to rarse a glass to l‘rm What degree 0" force yOa use rs up to you Asked Tony


Wilson for the money I thrnk he owes me -— strangely he looked blank. Unlrke the cheQue I woold Irke from hrrn

Once agarn being forced to do sornethrng tn exchange for my 'nc)"thly crust, lstragg ec: to my old haur‘t, 555 Malmaison, to gwe Saffron Republica t'te Tatest news. A‘ter sharrr‘g mutual la" \‘r’obbre and Bax/cocks gOSSIp heaoeo‘ dona'r‘ to the Beat Room and had the opoortur‘rty to 'l‘<‘r."~.(‘l at top Gladiator Lightning's baby's torso forearms rand behnd Horse a‘ter reachrng the cent as on that she was probably harder than crghtrmg, and "early as b:g In my new capacrty as Z-lrst (elebrrty, l was whrsked well, the plane had propellersl down. to London for another faceless party redeemed only by the fact that I managed to sprll Alan Yentob's drrnk and rnake poor gags about swrngometers to Jon Snow, Bun‘ped rnto Mani from Primal Scream who was \J-xaxrng lyrrcal about the Joys of Dlrng and that salubrrous nrghtspot Rico's in Greenock. Next week Bono plays the Tuxedo Pr'rncess. Well, stranger thrngs have happened rn Glasgow


Start scribbling, because the best letter each issue wins a bottle of Smirnoff Blue

First placed

ait.'.ays been one to get along early enoug?‘ ‘or a grg order to see the support band The. tab'v, that's 'r‘et th 'r‘nxeo resafts, but rare v “as 1 been so orth‘rph. e as when caught Ultrasound sapport.ng Pacebo at the Barron: a"d 3 g T.r‘.y or ee

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Ally oops

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g o" (at:o" o‘ t“e atter‘y d!‘.<l("t‘( A//y l/erea/ Two >r)rsodes \.‘.'ere enoag" ‘o" we the soecal e“e( ts t"at tt‘e prc)(;r'a"""e's mrakers cannot wr te aboa‘. e'rot-o'r

are proof

\‘1 tl‘out resortrtg to ve actor‘ lon.‘ & Jer'y- s"‘s 'l"e story "‘es are out there’ ["7Tl1el" treat'r‘eht ot' sexua. rwarrassr".er‘t s solver: mth a snot o? K;l"(} t'tr or someone) ‘ace tur'i'r‘g “‘to a (a'too" dog 0" sor‘letlr rig As

my desk


8 THELIST 22 1):: 1) '.::. '998

a woman, It lvlc('o=st than M( Bea. I)("'( ."e(: or‘

Iona Johnson

Ultrasound; Sim does matter

'T‘tl( lkl‘tllU" “(WP

Tough words

titers page, but the "ens

It's "ot o‘te'r l'n‘ rno‘rett It

More ls Joe “as been “.t . d , k l Please InCIUde your name an strbt t es by ts Ar'e" ca" (I str'bators

"ea' y "at: me throw. 'tg rhysei.‘ at the ‘.'.a‘s \"."‘ate‘.e" happened to at.t":e"t'c 3.77 Po" "1y on"; part, (ouzon't "take l‘eao nor tall o‘ 't.'.hat Fa", Low" ("Nana s hea i rnook, Huey, was bangvig on about It hrs lta. ah/A'ne" can pators on a rece"? Jo Silo-.7 T‘izs (:ron't, hounexer, vr‘ake 'ne "ace to" the 888 page o" Teetext lt "ay 't‘ere‘y (o'r‘rr'r‘. fo' goon that Ame" cans and B" ts \‘u hexe" sneak the same an yuage Paula Duncan


[clrfor r’ st/ooose should be glad that My Na't‘e ‘s Joe is gettrng released I" Arne/«t a at a/l ',",’I'7ar‘e‘.’er; Sevreo“

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