Nothing seems to be going right for GILL MILLS in this week's List diary of debauchery. But just because you're paranoid . . .

I‘m coming to the conclusion that some kind of strange force-field surrounds me, enabling the best laid plans to crumble at the merest touch. Fortnight should have begun with Flight 4410 to New York and a jaunt to the C Ml Conference, America's equivalent of In The City. Fortnight actually began on Flight 4412 to London Heathrow and a meeting with the frighteningly bleached and newly indie PM Dawn. Console myself with thoughts of imminent trip to the MTV Awards as personal aide to Jenny McCarthy's bust as ’the Dawn' grind down my inner ear bones with turgid noisemongering. The Scottish contingent beat a hasty retreat to Chinatown and test Wan King's claim that they really are open 24 hours.

I console myself with thoughts of imminent trip to the MTV Awards as personal aide to Jenny McCarthy's bust as PM Dawn grind down my inner ear bones with turgid noisemongering.

The force-field continues to exercise its bizarre influence over the much-hyped Sean Lennon interview, as his tour bus blows up on the way to the Beeb, resulting in a very shaken pop star having only five minutes for a chat. After one-and-a-half minutes, I'm glad, as his NYC nasal whine begins to axel-grind its way into my consciousness. Pop along to see him confuse the audience at the Air gig and marvel at the Gallic duo’s ability to out-bland over- cooked cauliflower.

Retire to the theme hotel and bed in the

Grumbleweeds Suite. Had requested the Band Of Gold apartment, but Bev Callard got there first. Bump into Mary Anne Hobbs checking out of the Stanley Baxter Suite and spill my complimentary cup- a-soup over her luggage. Needless to say the interview the following day was a storming success. As Big Breakfast stand-in Peter Kay edges nearer

the door, I consider keeping force-field theory to myself. Producer agrees. Really quite firmly. Eventually find a sympathetic ear in Scouse songstress Sonia, but realise field is still wreaking havoc with my luck as she offers to sing for me. Am overheard by that Wild Thing himself, Reg Presley of The Troggs, who was busy expounding his crop circle/alien abduction rumours. Outlook gloomy as he proceeds to confirm my very worst fears that a) I was born on a bad ley line and am therefore damned to eternal misfortune and b) he’s completely barking.

Afternoon continues apace as I meet the only man ever disqualified from The Krypton Factor for cheating. As my version of luck would have it,

A s ,

Gordon Burns was in the building to confirm the story and, for brief moment, I truly believe I have found someone less lucky than me. Realise this is a fallacy, as trip to MTV Awards is cancelled due to slurry on the pitch. Or some such nonsense.

Misfortune tally maintained as news arrives that the landlord wants to move back into our flat. Great Western Road treated to sight of a red-haired maniac screaming into a mobile as BF tries to hide in a nearby litter bin. Call plumbers and cancel plans for installation of a jacuzzi. Toy with getting a subscription to Property Weekly. Reserve laminated shoebox opposite the flats-for-rent window.

Relate story to Pete Wylie, who reminds me that adversity engenders strength. Fresh from a back brace, he spoke with the wisdom of a hardened stoic after a kamikaze encounter with a fifteen foot drop and some dodgy scaffolding. End fortnight refreshed, safe in the knowledge that there’s always someone worse off than yourself.

Gill Mills is on Radio Scotland, Suns, 7-8pm; co-hosts Beat Room on BBC Choice, weekdays, 1 1.30pm; and co-hosts Loafers on BBC Choice, Tile—Fri, 11pm.


Start scribbling, because the best letter each issue wins a bottle of Smirnoff Blue

Frank exchange

I was absolutely ama/ed by Jason Donovan’s performance as Frank N. Furter in The New Rocky Horror PK ture Show. Some (ritics haven’t given him the light of day, but me, being an actual fan of the film for the past few years, thought he. was incredible! l ! It I thought no one but Tim Curry could fill the platform shoes of Frank N. Furter, but Jason was wonderful. Well done to all the cast and crew of the show! It was one of the best shows I’ve seen in a while. And it's good to know that there are a lot of Rocky fans here in Edinburgh who still go to the trouble of dressing up for a good time! i l'

Paula Wilson


Park lame

Stop this South Park madness now' What is so funny about a (artoon featuring badly drawn, mildly misbehaved kids in Nowheres‘wlle, US of A? It's like the Krankies With swearing?

dribbling is encouraging grown twenty- and thirtysomethangs to endlesst re( ite South Park lines

You’d av0id these bastards who (an ie( ite every Monty Python sketr h for the friendless, Virgin nerds they are, so why is it hilarious to sgueal like

It’s bad enough haying you lot in the

Basque in glory: Jason Donovan in The New Rocky Horror Picture Show

Pete's best

film I’ve seen all year

Where has Peter Mullan been hiding? My Name ls loe is the best more real than _‘ anything that's usually on at the multiplexes, serious and funny at the

come from nowhere? I thought I remembered him from Brave/leart and, sure enough, watching the Video, there he is being sarky about Mel Gibson’s height before the big battle. If this is the quality of actor working in Scottish theatre, then I might iust have to get along to the (IV, the Arches and the Tron a bit more than I've done in the past.

Catriona McLean


Editor: join us in the Peter Mullah fan club, Catriona, and enjoy some Smirnoff Blue to toast a new star. Make sure you (atrh his first film as (l/I‘ec tor; Orphans, next February

Letters page . The List Magaiine 14 High Sthee Edinburgh LHl 1Tb e-mail: editor@|ist.co.uk fax: 0131 557 8500

same time How (ome lwan M( (iregor is in every set ond mowel read about, but Peter Mullan has

media endlesst telling us it’s tool to intellertually slum it berause it's, uh, ll()lll(. But what's worse is that your

C artman ? Frank Vernon Glasgow

Please include your name and address

10 THE “ST 1‘) Nov 3 DH 1998