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Steady graze: Rob Newman is at the Pavilion Theatre, Glasgow on Thu 19 Nov

Cellar. \\'..l. (’lii‘istie's. 0.30mi). £5. Fraulein liraser and the Kit Kat Boys welcome Sandy Nelson. Viy. .lill arid Terri Fox. who comes direct from London.

The Stand 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8pm. £5 (£4). l.uis Alberto headlines. stippotted by .loliii Gordon. Dayid Kay. Paul Graham and competed by Susan Morrison.

SATURDAY 28

Glasgow

Cosy Comedy Cafe State Bar (downstairs). I48 llolland Street. (‘hariiig Cross. 332 2l5‘). 9.30pm (doors open 8.30pm). £4 (£3). liiiglisliman Geol‘l‘ Whiting. l.ee Ness and more to be announced. plus open spots. (‘ompered by Billy Bonkei's‘.

Mischief Le Bar ('athedi'al House Hotel. 28 Cathedral Square. 552 35l‘). From 7pm. liree. See Tho I”.

Paisley

loke Box Mr P's liar/Diner. 42 Wellmeadow St. Paisley. 5(il 7| l7. ll).3()piii. l-ree. With Michael Redmond. (ieol'l Whiting and Benin lispos‘ito. all compered by Raymond \leariis.

Edinburgh

The Stand 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8pm. £6 (£4 uiiw aged conc only I. .lane Mackay introduces l.tiis Alberto. John Gordon. David Kay and Patil Graham guest.

MAY 29

Glasgow

Comic Club lilacklriars l'ndet'grotind. 36 Bell Street. 552 5924. Doors 8.30pm. show 9pm. £5 (£3.50). Geol‘t' Whiting headlines with support from Sandy Nelson. .lolin McGuinness and Mandy Stark.

Edinburgh

limeoin ()tlcelt's llall. ('lei‘k Street. ()68 2(ll‘). £ Ill. The Irishman from Australia returns with his loyeable laddish humour. See panel.

i Whose Lunch Is It Anyway? The ' Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. l-3pm. Free. Enjoy inspired improyisational comedy to accompany a meal or just drinks. courtesy of resident duo .lack Weatherall and Paul Graham. Comedy Off The Cuff Christie‘s Comedy Cellar. WJ. Christie's. 228 3765. 9pm. £4 (£3). Raymond Mearns competes Girl Guide Leader llM. Bayonette. Skank and Dave \‘Villiatns. Pint-Sized Comedy The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 7.30pm. £2.50 (£2). Hosted by Allan Miller. who is joined : by David Kay and The comedy

E MONDAY 30 Edinburgh

Red Raw The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 7.30pm. £l. It has all been changed around this week. l.iane lillis hosts a night of neryes - eight or so absolute beginners plus the occassional ' special guests.

Edinburgh

Brian Hennigan's House Of Fun The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8pm. Free to watch. £l to play. Team tip to play the BIG board games.

WEDNESDAY 2

Edinburgh

World Of Comedy Quiz Show 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. liree to

; spectators. £l to play Bill Dewar hosts the regular quiz. on all matters comedic. witli a cash Jackpot to be won.

THURSDAY 3

Glasgow

Cheshire Cat Comedy Club \Vaxy's. 2() Candleriggs. 552 87l7. 9.30pm (dt. it's open at 9pm). l‘ree. Weekly. Raymond Mearns comperes. joined by Gary Hague. Silky plus open spots.

listings THEATRE

The Laughing Bag

They make you laugh; we make them squeal. This fortnight, Scotswoman

abroad Marian Kilpatrick.

Square sausage or round?

As far as I'm concerned they're both a distasteful amalgam of brain, spinal cord and swept-up sawdust.

Cream cakes or chocolate biscuits? Oooh cakes! Nothing like a nice cream horn of an afternoon.

When was the first time you were funny in public?

In Primary Two, when I was playing Mary in the school Natiwty play. For a laugh I punched the infant Jesus, thinking the teacher wasn’t looking. She was and I was swiftly demoted to 23rd Shepherd. Everyone did laugh though.

Which politician makes you laugh the most?

Peter Mandelson. What's he hiding? What's the best day-job you've ever had?

In the cream horn factory.

And the worst?

In the sausage factory.

What gives you road rage?

Not haVing a car.

What's your most unappealing personal habit?

Having no sense of shame

You're a redhead with an Irish name. What special privileges does that grant you?

At any moment, I could be called up to play in the Republic of Ireland football

team.

You're a Scotswoman living in London. What special privileges does that grant

you?

I'm always the hardest person at any sooal gathering What's the secret to enjoying life in the big city?

Shed-loads of money and a good map.

Which TV personality would we all be better off without?

Oh, so many and Ainsley Harriot.

but for a kick-off Noel Edmonds, Ulrika Jonsson, Jerry Springer

Which musician or band should be starved of the oxygen of airplay?

The Lighthouse Family.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?

Mr Kipling, for sen/ices to cakes.

If Bill Clinton invited you into the Oval Office, how would you reply?

Yes please, so long as I can bring my mum

Who deserves an award for services to Scottish comedy?

Phil Kay and Hibernian Football Club.

And finally . . . why should we come to see your show? It's somewhere nice and warm to go on a cold November night and we’ll have a

laugh. (Compiled by Andiew Burnet)

Mar/an Ki/patri'ck can be seen in Cream Of Scottish With Gordon Brunton, jimmy Mooney and Craig Hill at the Brunton Theatre, Musse/burgh, Fri 20 Nov

Cosy Comedy Cafe State Bar (downstairs). I48 Holland Street. Charing Cross. 332 2|5‘). 9.30pm (doors open 8.30pm). £4 (£3). Compere Billy Bonkers introduces Canadian Tony Law. comic poet Viy Gee and Englishman Silky. Mischief Le Bar Cathedral House Hotel. 28 Cathedral Square. 552 35l‘). From 7pm. l‘ree. See Thu l‘).

Edinburgh

Christie's Comedy Cellar WI. Christie's. 228 3765. 0pm. £4 (£3). .loe l'leenan hosts Kevin Spence. Dougie Dunlop aiid Gordon Brtmton.

The Stand 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8pm. £4 (£3). Neil Shackleton headlines and is joined by Colin Ramone. Dougie Dtmlop and an open spot.compered by Joon Broon.

Tartan Tantrum Comedy Club The Canon‘s Gait. 232 Canongate. 556 448 l. Information: 558 8l78. 8pm. £5 (£4). l-‘oitnightly. l.ee Ness introduces a variety of acts to be announced.

IMAYHEM

Hilarious night of close to the bone antics performed by you and your

mates and a few

bottles of Rolling Rock beer.

IQ Nov-3 Dec I998 THE lIST77