The Laughing Bag
They make you laugh, we make them squeal. This issue: Donna Krachan
Square sausage or round?
Neither. I'm vegetarian because when I was wee l was told there was bits of dog’s arse and donkey's toby in sausage meat.
Describe your first experience of being funny in public.
Puberty — I grew one tit before the other and skinny — rib jumpers were in fashion at the time.
How do you cope with hecklers? I I I imagine the fucker being shagged ; from behind by Peter Stringfellow whilst giving Paul Daniels furious head. Phil Collins watches, singing ’You Can't Hurry Love'.
Have you ever performed while drunk or chemically enhanced?
Both — I once scoffed half a bottle of whiskey before going on stage With some dodgy looking highlights.
Where will you be on Jan 1 2000?
Lying starfished in my own pish.
What five items would you take to a desert island?
I wouldn't go to a desert island. Sun, sea and sand are shite. I've got ginger- haired-person’s skin. I also look fuckin’ stupid in a bikini: I’ve got an arse like a spacehopper and wee tits. I'd look like an aubergine.
What’s your favourite Biblical character?
What's worse, a mime or a juggler?
Juggler because you see them all over Edinburgh during the Festival juggling with fire and they never set themselves alight.
What would be the title of your autobiography?
‘At Least l Wasn't Christened Philma.’ (Compiled by Rob Fraser)
I Donna appears at Reg Anderson ’5 Comedy Explosion, Tron Ceilidh House on Fri' 79 Feb, and headlines at The Stand on Thu 25 Feb.
COMEDY LISTINGS: sun 28 FEB continued Stirling
Tommy Tiernan 8: Jason
ByrneMac Robert arts centre. 0| 786 46l08l. 8pm. £9 (£6) As stand ups go. notches don't come any topper. See Frontlines.
EmptylestersCoiiier Theatre 935 Hyndland Street. 357 3868. Booking also: Ticket Centre. Candleriggs. see Ticket I.ink details page 58. First night for the Comedy Unit's residency. Mark McDonnell 8; Steven McNicoll star. Laugh Out Loud IfAttache. 27 Waterloo Street. 22l 32I(). 8.45pm. £2.50 (£2). Dougie Dunlop. Robert Knox and Aileen Hendry appear at this still in its infancy night.
Red Raw The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. Doors 7.30pm. £I. Liane Ellis welcomes eight comedy newcomers and guest closing act Bitter Benny. That‘s TEN acts for a quid. il'you'i'e counting.
An Audience With Tam Cowan Collier Theatre 935 Hyndland Street. 357 3868. Booking also: Ticket Centre. Candleriggs. see Ticket Link details page58. Sell explanatory title for the second Comedy Unit offering. Philip Differ chairs an encounter with the ‘()n The Ball’ pundit.
Brian Hennigan's House Of Fun The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8pm. £l to play. free to watch.
A Healthy Measure Coitier Theatre 935 Hyndland Street. 357 3868. Booking also: Ticket Centre. Candleriggs. see Ticket Link details page 58. ‘Chewin’ the Fat‘ star Karen Dunbar stars.
It's A Scream The Curlers. Byrcs Road. 338 651 l. Doors 8.l5pm. £4/£3 New comedy night for Glasgow. with Allan Miller supporting Valentine Fly Guy and Janey Godley compering.
World Of Comedy Quiz Show The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £1 to play. free to spectators. Bill Dewar hosts a hilarious night ol‘ comedy trivia. Play to win great prizes and a roll-over jackpot.
Cheshire Cat Comedy Club Waxy‘s. 20 Candleriggs. 552 87 I7. 10.30pm. Free. Raymond Mearns says howdy doody to Craig Crookston. Skank and Gary Hagen Cosy Comedy Cafe The State Bar. I48 Holland Street. 332 2159. Doors 8.30pm. £4 (£3). Billy Bonkers welcomes Richard Allan as headliner with support the.
Christie's Comedy Cellar WJ. Christie's. 228 3765. 9pm. £4 (£3). Joe Heenan will host some excitineg unconﬁrmed guests.
The Stand 5 York Place. 558 7272. Doors 8pm. £4 (£3). John Gilick cracks wise with Martin l‘tll'b}'. teen starlet Graeme Thomas. Martin Pumy and newcomer Alison Monroe. Joon Broon welcomes them. and quite possibly your good selyes.
1,9 Man 1- Sat 6 March I~ omedy Unit AT
Mon I at 8.00pm B E R,
Mark McDonnell 8. Steven McNicaII in:
EMPTY J ESTERS
Tues 2 at 8.009'“ An audu‘aﬁr'lifle1
0f BBC Scotland's "0n the Ball / Off the Ball” Chaired by PHILIP DI FFER of “Only on Excuse?" plus SPECIAL GUESTS
Wed 3 & Thurs 4 at 8.00pm 8. Fri 5 at I0.00pm Karen Dunbar
°‘"“‘°"""" A HEALTHY MEASURE
'Chowin’ the Eat" in Fri5&Sot60t8.00pm
Ford Kiernan, Greg Hem .hill Stars ofBBCScotland's 8‘ Pau' 'IeY
"Chewin’ the Fat" in
Sat 6 at 10.00pm BOB DOOLALLY'S FOOTBALL MEMORIES
Tickets £8 (£5 conc.) from Box Ofﬁce 014] 357 3868 (4 - 8pm) or Ticketlink 014] 287 55”
82 TIIEUST I8 Feb—4 Mar 1999
COMEDY CLUB REVIEW
The Stand The Stand, Edinburgh, Fri l2 Feb
Sr ‘is‘ ‘3‘? There are certain comedic conventions which should be respected. These rules and regulations which govern the deployment of comedy are there for the benefit of all of us. The first commandment of comedy, the cardinal rule, is that old chestnut ’Thou shalt not bring a guitar into a packed comedy club unless you want to empty it’. Countless would be comics have committed this error and ended up condemned to Hell for trying to attain the sinful state of wackiness.
So, it's a blessed relief when Sandy Nelson proved that rules are there to be broken. Thankfully forsaking
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Parrott: he knows why the caged bird sings
musical whimsy, he went for the throat and mercilessly butchered everyone from Oasis to Alanis with a series of spot-on spoofs. Everyone has been at a party where somebody insists on picking up an instrument and ruining everyone else's night, if only they had half the wit of Nelson then the world would be a better place. He could give musical comedy a good name if he's
Braving the open spot was Fin MacArthur armed not with a guitar or even a routine but five minutes worth of one liners. His quickfire approach means that if a gag misses the mark, and they did reasonably often, then it's not long to wait before the next one appears.
Mark Bratchpiece had the unenviable task of being the opening act and almost pulled it off. A lame running gag about timeshares should have been strangled at birth but he had much better material up his sleeve when it came to talking of his native Lanarkshire. His tales of West Coast Buckfast debauchery could have slain the Edinburgh audience but weren’t quite sharp enough. They don't need much of a polish though.
Headliner Parrot needed no polish whatsoever. More confident than a condom vendor at an orgy, the man could talk for Scotland. However, while a good proportion of the capacity crowd lapped it up, jokes about how blowjobs make men happy and cocaine makes you talk lots didn’t ring this reviewer’s bell. Tell us something we don't know. (Jonathan Trew)