I I takes the road to Glasgow

The; run up to you in the street and press money into \our hand, everyone gets ten weeks had holiday, Elxis has a nice seiii. in Bearsden, shopping is the national bastiriie, trolence and corruption iia\e been totally t‘liitllttlit—‘(i nobody feels pain, the tabbies don't hate to ask you directions, they don’t serve Boddr'ttitons and they hate Doc to." i'.'."o phoneboxes

sltir'tpetl hatk into the ‘eather‘ette, a spent force

Daylight Robbery

Four Essex housewrves. One has a son who has nit ketr her last "30 for drugs; another has been abandoned by her husband, left only with piles of debt, a third has a strangely sexual reaction to wrtnessmg a robbery; the fourth has fal'eri l)l'(‘(‘l‘(llli No problem there, you say. There isn't until the other three ask her to be the rietaixtav (ll'l‘.(‘l' tor a series of raids to steal their way 0th of trouble. Does it workl‘ Does it her Mir lielle (,ollrris, Ernily Woof, Geraldine Somervrlle and Lesley Sharp star in H :atest (ir‘rft'i. feriiale—led crime

»\s regular readers may have surmised by now, I lite in

(itasooix when (iltliOLlth-‘(l 'm intentions to lea\e the grey- ";red delights ot lslanthestei,


Daylight Robbery starts on Scottish, Thu 9 Sep, 9pm

The Dope Priest

Singing nuns, kosher egg racketeers, chicken farmers and the West Bank’s most popular female drive-time DJ are among the tast of Nicholas Blincoe’s fourth novel. Born in Rochdale, Blintoe has been a welder, van driver, Journalist and white rap band riieriiber'. Hrs previous books, Acid Casuals, Jello Salad and Manchester Slingback, have hardly

had a bad revrew between them and Blrncoe’s people are rnsrsting that hrs newre wrll reinvent the political thriller.

The Dope Priest by Nicholas B/incoe is published by Sceptre on Thu 9 Sep, priced f 70.

6 THE lIST 9—23 Sep 1999

.“lChOlas bllncoe

my ‘r‘ierids’ were illlt‘d with ‘.lSl()l‘r‘s of the new life would for'tie in sunr‘rer clrrnes So where you heading, Gii’ Barcelona“ New Vorx-c‘ ‘ltir‘dor‘"' and nrxarrely Jersey " Gasgovr. attua‘y The sound of a thousand pins ttirnbirriti down the Penrwnes (‘il‘()("(l around tl‘e t‘tirit"‘t>s of a

Strangely, they smelled a rat lurking in the Utopian pile of rubbish l'd jtlSl spouted, but I was past caring My bags were packed, I'd practised my frying skills and all of Mrs Mills’ recordings had been nienior'rsed trio relation, l hasten to add‘

‘But Scotland's so cold"

In Glasgow, Elvis has a nice semi in Bearsden, shopping is the national pastime, and they have Doctor Who phoneboxes

S"‘O'§("\‘ Deansgate bar

'Gasgov. 7' Sct tiand7' they "eoretl, "ta'tagrng to make it sound ~<e i had suggested S'Tt.":5"(/i worrci res to me ot the more "eri‘ote Balkan states '\.‘. hat o" (‘d-‘I'T are you do 'tg no there ‘o"“ S;."\.ey no the StiS{)l(_‘()"-S tied eyes, l ("okeci o" the nevi-‘omc: know edge that my t'r‘ ends were strll in a dost-co o“- a state East \t'triessed n Ar‘ Garnett 'But as the City ot C _i?tt;re l "ep' ed weak y, as fire " faces too< or‘ the appearance 0‘ a niarke: town S"Cl) front or‘ half day closing

The truth was, I was moving to Caiasgou. based sotefy On One drunken weekend spent in an East End dine while up Cinl‘OllSIt‘aing against the Poll Tax Oh, and a ridiculous holiday romance wtii one Ally from Lenzte iHeilo if you're "eadrvig May your bones rot from the inside and scabs form in noticeable places Why dldlli yOu ('all7‘

Cbiiously l wasr‘ i going to teil the.m that thOugl‘ ! hate you «row that the St’ai"ClyOe region s entirely Labour-run, the pubs stay ooen at: night, there is a broad-minced approacn to the JSE‘ 0‘ soft drugs and flotirsshing film, TV and music notistry' Faces re'narned p ank was go "9 to nave to expand it’l wanted a leaiing present

shivered a pai as she brushed a stray icicle from her ear lobe ‘As Opposed to the near tropical delights of Chorlton7’ I shouted :nto a bracing North Easterly ‘And it's always "(illilllg,' a churn harruriiphed as we climbed into the thigh- length waders required to cross Platt Fields in the winter 'Yes, I shall dearly miss Our regular sunbathing sessions on the roof of the Universal Cata!ogue building,' l parried, by now shocked at the dOuble standards that were coming into play here

Nine years later, in a packed bar On AShIOl" Lane, a friend announced her intentron to up sticks to Manchester As my protestations floundered in the shallow waters of reason, the realisation dawned on me that I had developed the same kind of tunnel vision that enables yOu to live in any city other than Los Angeles without losing all faith in the grand scheme of things Love truly lS blind, even when the ObJECI of yOur affections is a city Gill Mills co-presents Radio 1 ’5 Evening Session opt-out, Session In Scotland, every Thu, B-10pm; co-hosts The Loafers on BBC Choice, Tue-Fri, 10pm; and presents Hot Pursuits on BBC Knowledge, Radio Scotland.