CLASSIFIED I saw you
O I saw you outside the Gallery of Modern Art, at Blink 182, and in my dream last night. You have long blonde hair and wore cream trousers. Your friend had long dark hair, but inside Blink, you were alone. Box No U/383/84.
v I saw you Mr Midriff. You, me and whipped cream will make the perfect threesome. Meet me in the Tron bar anyday. Box No U/383/85.
O I saw you gorgeous camp, defending your honour after cheesy pop. With that last punch, I could feel my heart pounding in time with your yells. Let your belly tell your head to call me. Box No U/383/85.
O I saw you girl with the long dark hair and fringe. I heard your accent. It sounded very sexy. Are you from Eastern Europe? I’ll meet you at the lceburgh anyday. Box No U/383/86.
U I saw you outside Partick Underground, wearing a smart blue Kappa shell suit, baseball cap and shining white Reebok trainers. I can still see the bold, gold letter ‘Tracy’ on you’re necklace. Please tell me your not a fem ned. Box No U/383/87.
Q I saw you former opera house guy at Theatre Royal. You used to be Vlad the Impaler. This sexy Glasgow guy would love to be impaled. Are you still the Beast of Ballet? Box No U/383/88.
O I saw you raven locked Shiona, light of my life, fire of my loins, my sin, my soul, my Sainsbury’s nymphet. Box No U/383/89.
Q I saw you by Ra Way, in Tinderbox wearing an Aberdeen football top. Ewe were drinking a tall cappucino and looking a bit sheepish to say the least. Box No U/383/90.
O I saw you in Oblomov MC, Friday 17th. Fairish hair and a passion for the classical things in life. I want to add a string to your bow. I think you may be th emanager? Do you wnat to spend 15 years in bed? Box No U/383/9I.
100 THE LIST 30 Mar—13Apr 2000
O I saw you Lizzy Hobbs, traitor! Who gave you the fuzzy felts? From a former friend (you owe me 25p). Box No U/3832. V I saw you working in the National Gallery shop . . . or was it the Portrait Gallery shop . . . or the Dean, no the modern Art Gallery — Och! it was one of them, anyway . . . Box No U/383/3.
O I saw you Alistair, sleepless in Easter Road after birthday party, Friday 7 Jan. You didn’t get my note in the kitchen, but thought you’d get in touch anyway. Box No U/383/4.
V I saw you and now I don’t. You, beautiful pizza chef at Mama’s and mouse jockey. Me, hardly Petrarch but besotted. Roll on July. I’m holding my breath. Box No 383/6.
Q I saw you on Morrison Street, Sunday 19 March. You were in a white car, you got out and went into chip shop. You were wearing jogging top and combats. We made eye contact a few times. I wanna make more contact with you! I was wearing black jeans and red fleece. 1 hope 2 see you again. Box No U/383/7.
O I saw you gorgeous queer gal last December, Basement Bar. We played hide and seek but I was too chicken to approach you so I just danced on a table. Do you remember? Box No U/383/8.
O I saw you dark, brilliantly beautiful eyed girl. Your name I think is ‘Harriet’. No 14 bus, Monday 13. You chatting to some American dude. Me, totally mesmerized by your huskiness. Remember me at all? Box No U/383/10.
O I saw you Lisa at Pivo, Friday 19. Wish you hadn’t left! I was hoping we could finish off that Spanish lesson - quiero ustcd is all 1 know so far. Hope you can get in touch, as you know I won’t let you down. From ‘Honest Bloke’. Box No U/383/11.
v I saw you handsome, tall, stranger on the Airline Bus 100 to Edinburgh on Tues 21/3. you were coming back from Spain. i liked talking with you and share your interests in prehistory and walking. I was not free that night, but would like to see you again, have another chat. Box No U/383/l2.
Q I saw you Hamish at the cafe, 27/6/99. 1 am deeply, deSperately, calamitoust in love with you! I will carry a torch for you forever dying for you! You are the only one who drives me crazy. You are forgetful, but don’t forget me. Please get in touch! Box No U/383/13.
V I saw you my Billy and craved you from the start. You’re my scrummy, yummy chicken, munching straight into my bean. Happy Anniversary, there’s lots more to come. Box No
U/383/ 14.
O I saw you driving dark blue citroen - R??? CSF? Bernard Street, 22/3/00. You, blonde, female professional - me, dumbstruck! Can I fill your tank! Box No U/383/15.
O I saw you blonde tutonic goddess on George Street. You were carrying a box, I sent you the wrong way to the post office. Will you marry me? Box No U/383/16.
Q I saw you and even spoke to you, Sat 18 March, sexy and much desired from afar guy, from Bedford. I shot my mouth off and afterwards I kicked myself. Give me another chance! I can explain everything! But I need a sign. . . P.S: Your friend’s nice too! Box No U/383/17.
O I saw you dark-haired guy in Planet Out on Sat 18 March. Standing reading a paper beside the TV. You left before I got the chance to speak to you. Get in touch! Box No U/383/ 18.
O I saw you Gavin, student on placement at Monklands. Would you like to meet up again? When you call this time leave a message on the voice mail. G. Box No U/383/19.
Q I saw you Gavin, from B.O.A. We met at Stirling services on 14/3/00 (Tues). We went to the lorry weighbridge. Did you lose my number, would you like another round? G. XXX Box No U/383/25.
O I saw you Jackie, with jewels in you hair at the Traverse Bar, with your red lipstick — an admirer. Box No U/383/49.
Q I saw you balding chinny man, drinking Guinness. You are sex on legs. Box No U/383/50.
v I saw you gorgeous, half oriental girl, with maroon cardigan, cherry Doc Martins and you talked of chipmonks and gerbils! Let’s have a rendezvous! Box No U/383/51.
Q I saw you Rocket neck, slavering out of the corner of your big mouth. You look lovely, come back to mine for Weetabix (bowl optional). Box No U/383/52.
O I saw you in the Traverse Theatre Bar, Wendy, you cruelly refused to sit on my lap, and l was condemned to gaze at you from afar, banished sadly to the opposite side of the table. Box No U/383/53.
O I saw you in Whistle Binkies. Your friend chatted me up — his puzzles were crap, but you were far from it. How about some sausages and maple syrup sometime? Box No U/383/54. 0 I saw you Beck lookalike, black fleecy, solid toggles, Beckham fringe. Box No U/383/55.
v I saw you Mr ‘Mikes’ T-shirt — I love your laid-back persona — How’s about laying me back sometime? From Sassanach! Box No U/383/56.
O I saw you gorgeous barman at the Traverse. Blond streaks with the beads and silver rings. Cute smile cheered up my Wednesday. Box No U/383/57. O I saw you Joe, Tollcros post office, 14/2/00. Call me. Box No U/383/58.
Q I saw you Kirsty, a while ago, Saturday, at Henry’s Cellar Bar. Me playing. We talked, you came back and asked me out. Wish I’d said yes. Box No U/383/59.
O I saw you early bird at the Commonwealth Pool. You. tall (6ft 6ins), lean, beardie weardie. Me, short, petite brunette, Adidas bikini, pink cap. I want to lick whipped cream off your taut muscles, soon. Box No U/383/60.
O I saw you playing drums on Leith Links. You know what they say about drummers hands? Well come and find out. big boy. Saucy blonde, Sandra. Box No U/383/6I.
v I saw you the pine cone gatherer with twins. Can we make some more? Me? your Jamaican sunshine! Box No U/383/62.
O I saw you Meadowbank drive thru, Tues 2l March, 2pm. I had to wait as someone gave away my oriental meal. You were very appologetic. Me. red car, very impressed by your sexy smile. Box No U/383/63.
O I saw you Alex, your back working hard and lookin goooood! I’ve been thinking your possibly th emost gorgeous man I’ve ever met and snogged. I haven’t forgotten the laugh I had with you and that was three years ago. Your consuming my thoughts, put me out of my misery and let’s go out some time! Your (then) paraletic girlie, your (now) love sick puppy! Box No U/383/67.
O I saw you Symphony Angel! Melodie & Destiny miss you muchos. Don’t forget the Captain Scarlet ‘get together’. June 2000. SIG. Box No U/383/68.
V I saw you working in Fopp, you with nose and listening to music. Do you have another sweater? If not, you can share mine. Box No U/383/95.
O I saw you in Waterstone’s, East End, you reading Satre, fancy getting existential together? Box No 383/96.
0 I saw you wearing trackie bottoms tucked into socs, I think your name chain said Chantel
and you had a wean’s on the
way and I had a skull for an ashtray. Happy Birthday Kat. Your fav ned. Box No U/383/97.
9 I saw you in Flip, trying on jeans. A bit long, but that’s how they‘re wearing them these days. Nice arse. Box No U/383/98.
STIRUNG
v I saw you in Uphall and in Ullapool, in Chicago and in Carmunnoek, on Rannoch Moor and in the Venue and in teh Signature Lounge, in the Grange, in the nude, in a mood, Solaris man, I hope to see you for good. Box No U/383/48.
WEST LOTIIIAN
v I saw you the pretty little red-head manager, at the National Canine Defence League in West Calder. You had a big. fat. black labrador following you about. Fancy a coffee sometime? Box No
; U/383/22.