GEM OF THE MONTH Cecil B. Demented

Pitch John Waters takes a cheeky swipe at commercial cinema With this trashy tale of a megalomaniac filmmaker (Stephen Dorff) who kidnaps a star (Melanie Griffith) and together, in Patty Hearst fashion, hold Hollywood to ransom. Success Plenty of in-Jokes (including an appearance by Hearst) and Waters’ flair for kitsch guarantee many cheap


Failure After the hardcore trash excesses of his early films (Divme’s shit-eating antics) some feel Waters has gone soft.

Dracula 2000

Pitch An antiques dealer from London travels to America to rescue his daughter from his arch nemesis, the Lord of the Undead. Jonny Lee Miller, Jennifer Esposito and Christopher Plummer (not Lee, mind) are involved. Success It’s also known as Wes Craven Presents Dracula 2000, because Craven, who said he'd take a break from horror movies after Scream 3, has put his name to the film as executive producer. Failure Though Craven is an old hand at horror, his name IS no guarantee of quality (remember Shocker?)

Meet The Parents

Pitch Ben Stiller’s happy getting serious about his relationship until he meets her mom and, particularly, tough-case dad Robert De Niro. Then Stiller, who plays an

Glenn Close is barking


unlucky schmuck called Greg Focker, endures hell. Success De Niro’s a natural wrth comedy; even when he’s not playing funny (The King Of Comedy), he’s being funny. Stiller's pretty amusing too. Failure De Niro can't be guaranteed not to pick Chump roles.



Pitch Cruella De Vil is cured of her

canine hatred. But once she’s let out

of prison she begins to be tormented, literally seeing spots before her eyes, and once more the lure of the Dalmatian fur coat beckons.

Success Glenn Close gives another gloriously OTT performance as the eVIl bitch. And there IS one more spotted doggy this time.

Failure How far can you push the cute Andrex to:|et roll puppy thing?

Pokemon 2000

Pitch |nevntab|e (and only first of many) sequels to the first film, based on the kids’ phenomenon from Japan. I, ’. This time Ash and his pals take ' on an evrl Pokemon collector. Success Once again, the kids Will love it, while the adults won't get it. Failure Once again, adults won’t get it, though the kids wrll love it.



The Grinch

Pitch Those mad kids’ picture books by Dr Seuss get the big-screen treatment care of Jim Carrey (unrecognisable in furry green make-up) and director Ron Howard. The full title of the film, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, explains the plot. Expect cartoon comic chaos.

Success The books are popular wrth kids and parental units alike, and though Carrey seems to bug half of all cinema- goers, he's the world's highest-paid comedian.

Failure Carrey bugs half of all Cinema-goers.

» 3‘; Carrey“! Seuss

The 6th Day

Pitch In the near future Arnold Schwarzenegger discovers he’s been cloned and unveils a conspiracy to repopulate the world with body doubles. And, of course, he kicks ass.

Success The combination of Arnie’s muscle flexing and high-tech sci-fi elements should prove popular for those with Total Recall.

Failure Arnie vs aliens, Arnie vs Martians, Arnie vs the deVIl; we’ve seen it all so many times before,

Small Tlme Crooks

Pitch A scheme to sell home—baked cookies

propels white trash New Yorkers Woody Allen and

Tracey Ullman into wealth and fame in Allen’s modern-day spin on Pygma/ion.

1% Success Likeable lightweight comedy

along the lines of Manhattan Murder

Mystery, Mighty Aphrodite and Allen’s

'early funny films'.

19 Oct» .7 \3'. 200C THE LIST 11