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From the moment their ’First Big Weekend’ was laid bare, ARAB STRAP have been Scotland’s leading musical analysts of tragi-comic affairs around both the heart and the genitals. Frontman Aidan Moffat shares some of his most intimate thoughts with Mark Robertson

The List After opening your Philophobia album with the line 'It was the biggest cock you'd ever seen', have you heard of any other songs where the first line contains the word 'cock'?

Aidan Moffat No, certainly not that kind of cock. There's probably a few about waking up in the morning to the crow of the cock but cer- tainly not that way. If you hear of any, be sure and send them on. Maybe we should make that our sole property: ’cock songs’.

TL Are beards sexy?

AM Here’s hOping. My girlfriend likes it when it’s a bit shorter but disnae when it gets too long and you can find things in it. That some- times happens when we’re on tour and you just don't give a fuck. It also depends on whose wearing them too.

TL What sexual position would you never consider?

AM I've never been intae that kinda kama sutra crack but I'm always open to suggestion.

TL Imagine there is an Arab Strap tribute band forming which will also be named after a sex-aid. Which would it be?

AM Duo Balls. We’re nearly an anagram of ’Bra straps’ but that’s not exactly a sex aid.

TL Would you ever stop mid-shag if you got an idea for a song? AM No, I’d just think about writing the song to make the shag last longer. It’s usually post-coitus that l usually get inspired.

TL Has writing about sex and relationships helped you gain insight into how to conduct your private lives?

AM It’s actually made me worse. Before I was a lot more communicative With girlfriends but now l seem to just keep it bottled up and write about it. Which is a shame . . . Thinking about it, maybe I should apply this to my everyday life instead of just talking about it in interviews (laughs).

TL What advice would you give a fifteen-year-old girl who came to you asking for an enhancement of her chest area?

AM I'd adVise her that she doesn’t because I think that's absolutely fucking disgusting. I saw this documentary on Channel Four about this fourteen-year-old who wanted these enormous tits and it was funny because she said ’all men look at is tits, they’re not interested in your face’. And I thought, they are some sad men she’s hanging about With. TL Name your three top erotic films?

AM less Franco's Female Vampires is fantastic. It’s just a lassie walking about in a cape and black boots biting folk’s cocks. That one With Chloe SeVigny in it —— Palmetto where she plays a sorta harlot; I quite like watching that now and again. And of course there’s every Friday night and Watchdog; Charlotte is one of the most beautiful girls in the world I reckon. Watch it; I think you’ll like her.

TL Name someone/thing most people might not regard as sexy but is? AM Big noses. In a very kind way, my girlfriend's got quite a big nose and Chloe Sevigny has too. That and farting. Once you’re in each other’s company it can bring you closer together and I like the smell of farts under the bedclothes, it's a bonding experience.

TL Who writes the best songs about love and sex?

AM There was a song on Tom Waits' last album called ’The House Where Nobody Lived’. That was nice. The cocky answer should be ’we do’.

TL Do you get groupies following the band around?

AM Christ no. Would you shag someone from our band?

TL Have you ever worn ladies underwear?

AM (long pause) I did years ago (pause) . . . let’s leave it at that.

TL If you were ever to produce some offspring, what would your celebrity sprogs be called, bearing in mind Brockville Moffat and Falkirk-High Middleton have already been suggested?

AM Well, it wouldn’t be them because l hate that fucking town and I hate their fucking fitba team. I dunno. I watched Virgin Suicides a couple of times recently and | deoded that Lux was a cool name after Kirsten Dunst’s character. It’s a bit morbid to be named after a lass that kills herself.

TL Who would you send your pubic hair to as fan mail?

AM I don't think I would send my pubic hair to anyone. That’s stalker material that one. The advantages of being in a band is you get to meet famous people a lot so maybe if I was to meet someone i really didn’t like then maybe I'd rip a couple out and stick them in their pint. But if I was a fan? Imagine receiVing somebody’s pubes in the mail; that w0uld be awful.

Arab Strap's single Love Detective is out now and new album The Red Thread is released on Mon 26 Feb, both on Chemikal Underground. Arab Strap play live at the Arches, Glasgow, Wed 28 Feb.

Love detectives Aidan Moffat (left) and \ Malcolm Middleton