Dandy lines from Murdoch

You know him as the main songwriter in Brit Award winners Belle & Sebastian, but Stuart Murdoch is making a bid to become rector of Glasgow University. These are his proposals:

- I want to swan about on campus and kid on I’m in charge.

- I want to be able to do my laundry in the OM Union without getting funny looks from Michael the janny.

- I want to be able to get fish and chips and peas for £1.45 again.

- I love Glasgow University. It’s just students I can't stand.

- I need a new hobby.

- It's going to look great on my CV.

- I’m going to get rid of the all the dinosaurs on campus.

- I want to stir up some trouble.

~ I will make sure that the celebrations for the 551st anniversary of the University are the best yet. How could you leave that milestone unmarked?

- If any of the students are feeling a bit fed up I will meet them for a coffee and

4 THURSDAY 22 Sophy Rickett Continumg her interest in making pictures at night, new photographic and Video works by this Royal College Of Art graduate was created as a result of her Dundee residency. See preVIeW, page 87 Dundee Contemporary Arts.

FRIDAY 23 Spaced Simon Pegg and IeSSica Stevenson return With their high energy slacker Sitcom set in a flat rammed With frUitcakes. Watch out for cameos by the likes of John Simm and Bill Bailey. See preView, page I I9 Channel 4.

SATURDAY 24 Breakfast At Tiffany's This 40th anniversary re-release of the stylish CiaSSIC sees Audrey Hepburn’s dizzy New York sooalite still running rings around George A-Team


Peppard’s straight-laced writer. See reView, page 33 Fi/mhouse, Edinburgh.

SUNDAY 25 Don DeLillo America’s greatest |iVing writer is renowned for his door-stopping and powerful musings on the indIVIdual, America and obsession. In The Body Artist, he’s achieved those things over a mere 124 pages. See preVieW, page 110 Picador

MONDAY 26 Tortoise Actions speaklouder than words as the famed Chicago

tuart Murd 2 U

tell them a few jokes.

- In fact, the door of my office will always be open, and there will be a constant supply of hot yum-yums.

- I would move to name the T-Rex 'Ted’ after Father Ted. ObViously, the dinosaur should stay, it’s the most brilliant thing the University has ever done. It’s so outrageous, it’s almost camp.

- I might resegregate the unions to av0id unwanted pregnancies. You're here to study!

- I'd hold a parents’ night when mums and dads can come and talk to me about how their kids are getting on.

- I'd bring back chucking flour about. Students are getting too serious.

- I will get very, very excited.

- I could get all my friends to play a gala concert in aid of Student Beer.

- I have a genuine and overriding love for the University and its students and if voted in they’ll probably be sick of me by the end of my term.

- I’ve been to Glasgow University three times. I left without a degree. I think I’m in a unique position to advise the students on what not to do.

instrumentalists treat us to another instalment of their sonic explorations. Standards is their most direct and concise album to date, combining an array of styles (dubiazzrockelectronica anyone?) to create some truly

, i Gift to List readers

Talent alert! Cate Blanchett, Keanu Reeves, Hilary Swank, Katie Holmes and Greg Kinnear star in The Gift, a supernatural thriller directed by Sam Raimi (Evil Dead, A Simple Plan and the forthcoming Spider-Man mowel. The creepy tale, written by Billy Bob Thornton (Sling Blade), concerns a psychic who is asked to help find a woman who has disappeared. There’s a free preView screening excluSive to List readers, see Film index for details.


Appetite for destruction

Unless it actually happens to you or someone you know, there’s something terribly amusing about the idea of one human chomping on another human's bones. Cannibal (Channel 4, starts Tuesday 20 February, 10pm) fleshes out the queasy tales of individuals such as Jeffrey Dahmer who devoured the bodies and preserved the heads of seventeen men, and Andrei Chikatilo who consumed the genitalia of his victims over a twelve-year period, before looking at anCient and modern sooeties’ attitudes to cannibalism. The final part looks at instances such as the Andes air crash in 1972 where folk have been forced to snack on their mates to survive. Without any seasoning.

Jeffrey Dahmer

TyneSide's funniest comic Will be a major star. And perhaps he is picking this venue to kick-start a new ’comedy is the new rock ’n’ roll' bandwagon. Or perhaps not. King Tut’s, Glasgow.

WEDNESDAY 28 Arab Strap The perfect chance to see how the Strap’s fourth album, The Red Thread, translates to the stage. See album review, page 52 Arches, Glasgow THURSDAY 1 Jamie Reid The graphic artist behind the famous image of our beloved monarch With a safety pin through her lip for the Sex Pistols’ single ’God Save The Queen’ kicks off FuncT the Arches' annual feast of underground culture With an exhibition of recent and archive works. Arches, Glasgow.

breathtaking audio adventures, See reView, page 52 Warp. TUESDAY 27 Ross Noble He’s been on top form since his inconSistent run on last year‘s Fringe, happdy confirming our belief that

Ross Noble, Tue 27