mm: "'

As a former karaoke host, who better than Chewin' The Fat's KAREN DUNBAR to choose the top five tracks to hear sung in a karaoke style?

1 Celine Dion My Heart Will Go On Get it right and you'll bring the house down. do it bad and they‘ll kick you out of it.

2 Whitney Houston / Will Always Love You You can tell as soon as they sing the first note whether someone can do this. It’s such a relief to hear they can. They have to be able to hit the high notes.

3 Irene Cara Flasndance Maybe not an obvious choice but it sure gets the punters going mental. But again it's all about the performance.

4 lob Seger Old Time Rock ‘n’ Roll Another oldie but definitely a goodie.

5 David Lee Roth Just A Gigolo An odd choice maybe. but it’s a great , laugh and always goes down well.

The top five lies Inspector Rebus novelist IAN RANKIN is always told by journalists.

1 All right then, but I'll get the next round . . .

2 I've nearly finished your new book. but for all our readers out there. maybe you could just describe it . . .

3 Ian. honest, I've read all yourbooks...

4 The photograph will only take a minute . . .

5 Don't worry, they'll never use that . . .

Fiona Software engineer

It was quite goodNot as bad as people said. Not as gory.

8 TH. LIST 1—15 Mar 2001

THE OPINION . Ban censorship

In this multimedia age isn’t

it time the government let

us see whatever films we fancied? Words: Miles Fielder

n a recent speech to the Royal Society of Arts. Robin Duval. director of the British Board of Film Classification. predicted the end of state-enforced film regulation. Britain is the only country where film regulation is mandatory. not advisory. he said. How can cinemas be subject to such regulation when new media are not‘.’ All very encouraging. but is this really the end of film censorship in Britain'.’ True. previously banned films have been made available to the public: The rams Chain Saw Massacre. Salo. Ulysees. all recently

made headlines when they were finally

screened. But there’s more to censorship than films being banned outright; there’s

certification. Wes Craven‘s notorious serial

killer thriller The Last House On The Left was

: screened in Edinburgh during last August's film festival as part of a censorship debate . initiated by FilmFour. However. that film

remains uncertified for general release in Britain which means it can only be screened

' privately (eg at cinema clubs).

In America. the pressure exhibited on

Hollywood by the nation’s powerful cinema

chains. many of which refuse to play R-rated films (equivalent of our 18 certificate). has led to self-censorship by studios and filmmakers wary of losing audiences. Blockbusters such as

. Hannibal aren't much affected by the R-rating

threat, but a limited release for smaller films

1 such as Requiem For A Dream (which actually

played in American art houses uncertified) can be the kiss of box office death. In Britain the fantasy adventure Dungeons And Dragons wasn‘t screened to press because the film‘s

Why would you trust Chris Smith and his grey-suited goons to choose your film

viewing for you?

distributor was taking advice on making cuts to

ensure a certificate that would admit a perceived . core adolescent audience. Despite Duval's

redicted wide-ranoin Chan yes he sa ’s. ‘l

suspect film producers will still want their product to be given some sort of bill of health‘.

If you go to the British Board of Film Classification's website ( you can search for decisions on individual films and see if there were any cuts made. such as the twelve seconds hacked from Child's Play in the long wake of the Jamie Bulger murder.

Gary ResourC/ng


It was great. I thought it was funny.

But we should be wary that the BBFC’s new liberal policy is not just New Labour-style spin that it's not. in fact. just another regime. a Mary Whitehousc in sheep's clothing.

I‘d like to see a total ban on state censorship. With the exception of films that commit a crime during production (such as snuff movies and child porn. and possibly anything starring Adam Sandler). I’d like to see censorship put into the hands of the British public. Only individuals can decide what’s right and wrong for them. In the end. it comes down to quality: does a film have inherent worth regardless of the content. offensive or otherwise? Who remembers the notorious 80s ‘video nasties‘ SS Experiment Camp and I Spit On Your Grave? Very few. because they were crap. Salo. along with In The Realm ()f The .S'enses. Natural Born Killers and other once banned films. have something aesthetic pleasure. artistic achievement. social comment to offer audiences. We remember these films; the others we ‘censor‘ for ourselves.

Here‘s a final chilling thought: the government is planning a new regulatory body. OfCom. with supreme power over all media. If you don‘t agree with government policy on the renewed bombing of Iraq. why would you trust Chris Smith and his grey-suited goons to choose your film viewing for you“?


Linda Unemployed Not as bad as expected. It had a bll mOre Suspense, but I am not a big fan of gore.

Stuart Storeman Good. It was totally different from the book but it was still good.