THE INSIDER Who’s getting up to what

hose know-all showbi7 hacks

who put the anal into analyst say this is a terrible year for the OSCARS. Okay, so Russell Crowe doesn't so much act as flex muscles in Gladiator and Lasse Hallstrom is back With the more-mushier-thaii-Cider House Rules Chocolat. but. damn it. Crouching Tiger. Hidden Dragon has been nominated for no less than the ten Oscars. Also. congratulations to Glasgow-twrn make-up artist ANNIE BUCHANAN, whose efforts to turn Willem Dafoe into Nosferatu for Shadow Of The Vampire have put her in the running for a Tinseltown trinket on 25 March.

Worst achievements in film

have also been

Loo vmhaiiasses himself

Arnie confuses himself

highlighted With the GOLDEN RASPBERRY AWARDS. the flipside to the Oscars cheekin held the day before. Nominees being ridiculed include JOHN TRAVOLTA 's Battlefield Earth (Worst Picture. plus seven more nominations). SYLVESTER STALLONE (Worst Actor. Get Carter). MADONNA (Worst Actress. The Next Best Thing) and ARNOLD SCHWARZE- NEGGER and ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER (Worst Screen Couple as the man cloned in The 6th Day). Raspberry recipients must display good- natured humour as a damage limitation exercise. Nice.

Don's Plum is upsetting the balance of power in Hollywood. The low budget indie not skin flick in which Californian youths hang and rap about drugs and sex is unremarkable but for two things: cast members LEONARDO DICAPRIO and pal TOBEY MAGUIRE. Now working on blockbusters Martin Scorsese's Gangs Of New York and Sam Raimi's Spider-Man.

respectively the boys have had a lucky escape: they have withdrawn their CV embarrassment from US cinemas. In the land of the free (Europe). however. the Plum was proudly displayed at the Berlin Film Festival.

STUART DAVID of Belle And Sebastian and Looper fame has gone into hiding in Tenerife according to his book

publisher. Stone

ImmaCLilate Press.

Stuart's second book is

the problem. He co-wrote The Peacock Manifesto with dodgy criminal Peacock Johnson (above) and then. according to Johnson. cut him out of the deal.

Now Johnson wants to Cut something out of David. Meantime. Johnson has hacked into David's website where he's dishing the dirt four-letter-WOrd style. Don't believe it? Go to www.geometrid.couk. see for yourself.

Starle And Hutch star DAVlD SOUL was in Edinburgh last month for a creditors' meeting of Scottish International. the failed Fringe company that booked his production of Fool For Love last summer. Soul said he wasn't bothered about the $2000 he'd lost. but was concerned With the cash lost by poorer arts companies. Why. then. should his partner. Alexa Hamilton. have recorded every conversation she had With the Fringe Office on a dictaphone’?

LIZZIE FRANCKE (below) artistic director of the Edinburgh International Film Festival. will step down after this August's festival; its 55th, her fifth. (In an unrelated incident. Edinburgh's Stills Gallery's artistic directOr KATE TREGASKIS has also resigned.) Francke. who has

received Virtually

unanimous praise for imaginative programming of the Film


said: 'I

have had

the great satisfaction of bringing some of the most exciting films and

filmmakers of the last half

decade to Edinburgh audiences.‘ Good luck to her. Meanwhile. lnSider wonders if her shoes might not be filled by The List's old editor ALAN MORRISON, at one time interested in the job. now relocated to London to edit Total Film.

It‘s a dog's life. BLUE PETER has got itself a new Border collie. the eighth dog to appear on the show; DREW BARRYMORE was saved by her dog scratching on the bedroom door when her Hollywood house caught fire; BILLY CONNOLLY won the right to use

www.billyconnollycom back from a golden

Labrador who'd

claimed the domain name first: and the boys who did THIS IS SPINAL TAP have made a

. x a x? s Get documenta o h!" D W

about dog lovers called Best ln Show (see feature). Where d'yOu find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.


‘He’s a fucking idiot, isn’t he?’ Russe Came {lasts t!’c‘t';’t" (if; (V H.3t‘k/‘t‘tti‘

tor tti“.:"l‘."t: the t :8 flit/(lit? Oi' pftlal‘ O“ L”"(’ O" T’lt‘ Ant/bodean star's 'eafw‘st: 2'. f“ itieg Rid/i,

‘As a gay artist, I’m asked by a lot of people: “What about the content of Eminem’s music?” Well, it appeals to my English black humour.’ Elton John defends the Mt xiv/rel l hornbshe/l's sense of fur),

‘l’ve never done drugs, but only because I was probably too pissed to do them.’

Anne Robinson recalls her hell/(using days.

‘Some fans in England have been watching part of it in Spanish.’

Aberdeen Belmont Cinema '5; Ina/lager Pam Green offers up her sincerest apologies for twenty minutes of Hannibal being dubbed in French.

‘At least they’re not telling me I’m hideously ugly.’

Jude Law isn't too fussed that fi/rngoers prefer his dashing loo/<5; to his acting ability.

‘We’d like to thank the people who made it all possible and got us where we are today: Celtic Football Club.’

W )st/ifa's Bryan McFadden knot/vs how to disenchant approxrrnate/y half their SECC audience.

‘I am the carbide lamp shining into the abandoned coal mine of Britain’s black head}

Rich Hall '3 uncle, Otis Lee Crenshaw dissects his real role in life.

‘I hate it when models think they are singers.’ Caprice forgets herself.


The final answer from St Andrews" graduate Michel/e

Simmonds which

awarded her Chris

Tarrant's equalent of

‘nu/ porntes '.