THE INSIDER Who’s getting up to what

BAZ 'Romeo 8 Juliet' LUHRMANN'S Moulin Rouge will open the 54th Cannes Film Festival in May. Ewan McGregor stars alongside Nicole Kidman and Kylie Minogue in this tale of the decadent cabaret world of 18908 Paris.

ON THE subject of foot and mouth. T in the Park Organisers DF are still confident the festival will be

untroubled by the crisis. being held at a Balado airfield free of livestock. Regular Music's Glasgow Green being both city centre and at the end of August. is also expected to be untouched.

DIFFERENT STORY in Norway where farmers want French king of cinema Gerard Depardieu disinfected. Big G is currently over there filming lAm

Dina. director Ole

Bornedal's adaptation of '2

the bestseller by Herbjorg Wassmo.

FILMS ARE just like buses. None for ages. , then half a dozen number 238 come along all at once. And you wouldn‘t imagine Joy Division's suicidally depressed late singer Ian Curtis as ideal big screen material. Nevertheless. Curtis is the subject of two new films: Michael Winterbottom’s story of top 803 Manchester Club the Hacienda. 24 Hour Party People. and Transmission. an m adaptation of Curtis' widow .. Deborah‘s biography Touching From A Distance.

BACK IN Scotland and after their show at Glasgow's Arches earlier this year. Arab Strap's Aidan Moffat (right) declared the unresponsive crowd the worst of the whole tour. A second string of dates announcedfor May do not have a

Scottish date among them. Miserable sod.

AND HERE‘S more misery: following the lukewarm reception Glasgow-set thriller Beautiful Creatures received in the UK. Scottish producer Andrew Macdonald is planning to release his fOrthcoming films in the US first. It's hoped films such as The Final Curtain, starring Peter O’Toole. and Peter Capaldi's Strict/y Sinatra. starring Kelly Macdonald. Will generate positive publicity Stateside, aiding the subsequent UK release. That'll teach us for being a nation of moaners.

DAVID BOWIE‘s on-Iine banking venture. wwwbowiebanccom. has come under criticism from the US federal reserve for undisclosed violations. The banking service allows account holders to use credit cards with the Thin White Duke (below) on. Thankfully for him, this should be the closest he'll get to financial entanglement as it was the parent company, USBancShares. that provoked the criticisms.

REMAINING IN pop land. that bastion of good old- fashioned morals. MTV, has banned Madonna’s latest pop video. ‘What It Feels Like For A Girl', because it‘s too violent. they say. In it. Madonna plays a woman on a crime spree. committing murder and swearing all over the shop. Won't come as a surprise that the video is directed by her husband. Guy ‘Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barre/3' Ritchie.

WHOOPS! THE HERALD's recent article about actress Molly Innes being shortlisted for the prestigious Ian Charleson awards for her performance as Electra in Theatre Babel ’s Greeks was marred by one small detail: the accompanying picture. also reproduced above the front page masthead and in that day's Evening Times, wasn't her. D'oh!

FINALLY, INS/DER is intrigued by the The Golden Shower Video Festival. Currently seeking entries for its San Antonio. America event in June. Its organisers assure us the title does not refer to unne,buta‘punk rock attitude. as in "piss off Hollywood'” Ouite.

‘Smoking and drinking isn’t what Christ wanted.’

THE QUOTES Britney Spears“ Baptist

pastOr tries to get her

back on the road to righteousness.

‘Piss off Coisty.’

Andy Goram reacts to Alex Ferguson's asking him to 5 gr? for Manchester United. believing : to he a Wind-up by his old drinking bgi. Al", MCCO/St.

‘I might come up with an Oscar performance next year, and she might lose her record deal.’

Jason Donovan dreams of a post- Neighbours world where his career has gone stratospheric while Kylie has become the miserable no-hoper.

‘We just went through them all and went “good, good, shite, good”.’

Stuart Braithwaite on Mogu'iai's own way of deciding which tracks iriade the cut for new album Rock Action.

‘That’s not something you’d buy a nice child, is it?’

A Ham/eys spokesperson on the new Eminem chainsaw-Wielding toy.

‘I turned down the premature ejaculator and the alcoholic sex addict.’

Matthew Broderick (aka Mr Sarah Jessica Parker) on the Sex And The City roles he rejected.

‘It was like we were the only lesbians on the planet.’

Ellen DeGeneres IS still blaming the

press for her split with Anne Heche.

‘It doesn’t come down to money. I just haven’t been given the right support.’ Scottish squash star Peter Nicol explains his defection to England.

‘Hugh Grant has been telling everyone that I fight like a girl. All I can say is it takes one to know one.’

Colin Firth hits back over his Dosh mate '3 description of their on-screen scraps in Bridget Jones' Diary.