From the makers of Misery, Going Places and Vegas comes Soft, a genuinely terrifying evening of hot, sticky power ballads aimed squarely at fiber-geeks who actually miss the 705. Catherine Bromley's beatific inner child goes into battle with her bitter inner cynic in order to find out more.

At last! A night dedicated to the soft rock delights of bands such as Boston, Fleetwood Mac and Foreigner! Hmmm . . . yes. A one- off evening. might I stress. No repeats. no returns and most definitely never again.

Like the perfect pleasure, then, it will be sweet and short-lived and leave me wanting more And like most other ‘pleasures' it Will also leave you stained. sticky and feeling decidedly dirty. Honestly. i know there's great store to be put in irony but do we really have to go so far as to dedicate a whole night of our all- too-short lives to a musical style that should be cast deep into the bowels of hell?

I take it you don’t like adult- orientated rock then? No. I do not. Bands such as Boston. Chicago and Texas should realise that guitars were put on this earth for one reason and one reason only: to make loud. obnoxious noise that upsets old people. They were not. I repeat not. put here to make polite. inoffensive melodies to hold your lighter in the air to.

You feel strongly about this don’t you? I've only just got started mate. What I hate more than wishy-washy rock balladry and lighters lovingly held aloft is the fuzzy freaks who listen to the stuff. Wearing their faded denim. keeping their hair long for too long. making like feckin' cowboys in urban shitholes like Birmingham. ferchrissakes.

Well I’m going to grow a moustache, perm my hair up, slip into some ultra-tight Lee Cooper jeans and soft rock the night away in a haze of totally smooth weed. You bloody do it. Strike some sodding air guitar while you're at it. why don't you?

Thankyou. I will.

I Soft at C/i/b Java. Edinburgh on Sat 9 Jun.

84 THE LIST 7—21 Jun 2001

Edinburgh Fridays continued I What It Is at ('ity ('afc 2.

0pm lam. I-‘rcc. 8 Jim. I-‘miniuhily. Bob ('airns (.\’iiSpiriii hosis his iiii-ial/ soircc yyhcrc all manncr of pcrciissiy c. .-\fro-bcats and ia/Iy Bra/ilia brcaks gct a sccing to.

I Why Not? at “by .\'ot'.’ 8 l()pm. £5 (incliidcs cntry to club aftcryyards ). \Vcckly. Salsa dancc classcs for bcginncrs and inlcrmcdiatc cnihiisiasts. yy ith a fcisty club night to folloyy should you so choosc.

I Word Up at Riish. 9pm midnight. l‘i'cc. \Vcckly. Yogi llaiighton and DJ liabiilo/ host a syyanky pic-club that‘s got thc goods for all you Rili frcaks out thci'c.

Club OAdaptor at Studio 24. l()pm 3am. £Il) (£8). 8 Jim. Monthly. Maycrick pro- dticcr Arthur Smith aka (irain (Iiat ('at Rccoi'ds) snoops doyyn to play sonic of that chunky. driying tcclino that gcis him ratcd riglii up thcrc \\ ith thc likcs of .lcff Mills and Jamcs Riiskin. Support comcs from .‘ylctronomc and Sliiccc. ('hcck \y yy for a samplc of (ii'ain and scc lliilisi. I Arakataca! at 'l'hc Bongo (lab. I lpm Ram. £5. 22 Jun. Monthly. I)Js Jaffcr (Scncgal) and Xuppa lnglcsc (Bogota) host a licry mix of salsa. African. Latin and ('aribbcan dancc. .-\s thcy’yc both bccn I)Jing for oy ci' .‘yll y‘citl‘s. [his is lhc bcsl sclcction of ptisl. prcscni and l'titiirc tropical dancc yoii‘rc likcly to find. I Aswang at Studio 24 (doys nstairs). Monthly. cht datc l3 Jill. Scc .'\/tc.\ in \Vcd listings for dctails on thc joint \‘Clllllrc with Vortcx. I Big Beat at La Bcllc Angclc. 10.30pm 3am. £8 (£7). 22 Jim. Monthly. l)ccp fimk daddy ch l)ai'gc rctiirns to UN Scottish capital for anothcr scssion of his danccablc dclight. Support comcs from thc rcsidcnis Simon llodgc. Stuart Bcnnctt and DJ 'l'inkti. I Blitz at 'l'hc Vcniic (top floor). Monthly. .\'c.\t datc () Jill. I Catalyst at Studio 24 (doyy nstairs). .‘ylonthly. cht datc tbc. Scc Scottish ('ybcr Ball bcloyy. I 0.6. Blooms til (‘.(‘. Blooms. I().3()pm A 3am (bar from (rpm). I-‘rcc. Vl'cckly. I)J Ally docs thc dccks duty at this gay night with hcr inimitablc sclcction of high camp and disco classics. moving on to pumpcd-iip Iioiisc and dancc as thc cy'cning progrcsscs. I Cerotonin at 'I‘hc Vcniic down“ two floors). l().3()pm- 3am. £8 (£6). 8 Jim. Monthly. Rcsidcnis night of ihc tcchno and trancc frcn/y rc-Iaunchcd at this ncyy y'cnuc last month. 'I‘hc prcssiirc's on ihcn for (iracmc Marshall arid Scott l’carcc to makc it a good onc and thc plcasiirc Icy‘cls arc stimulatcd as alyyays by a fch- good factor that iny‘oly'cs frcc Rciki massagc. body painting and aromathcrapy. I Club Latino at ’l’hc Bongo ('ltib. I().3()pm~-3am. £6 (£5). 8 Jun. Monthly. Rcd hot Latin macstro Simon lIodgc has got thc ('apoicra Danccrs \yorking tip quiic a syycat at this fcisty night of salsa plcasiirc. Informal tango tuition noyy ay‘ailablc in thc back room. I’lcasc notc that aftcr this datc. ('Iub Latino yy ill bc taking a \scIl-carncd brcak. I Dischord at Studio 24. l lpm 3am. £3.50 (£2.50). 8 Jun. Monthly. llcayy mctal. nu-mctal. dcath-mctal. cstrcmc mctal and sonic tokcn goth yy ith I)Js I.caf. Wally. hp and Lil.

Dr No’s at Thc Bongo (‘Iiib I lpm-3am. £7 (£5). l5 Jitii. Monthly. ‘()nc of thc bcsi original ska. rockstcady and carly rcggac nights in tlic L'K‘ (according to nonc oihcr than Jcrry Dammcrs ot' 'I‘hc Spccials) cclcbraics its .sccond birthday in sinc. Spccial giicsis Thc (‘oach and l'nclc John join thc rcsi- dcnts for the occasion. Scc Hitlist. I El Segundo at The Bongo (‘luh Monthly. cht datc (3 Jul.

I E-Ruptor at Studio 24 iiipstaii's i. Monthly. \c\t daic 22 Jim.

I Evol at 'l‘hc liquid ls’oom

Illillpm 3am, £4. \Vcckly. l-diiibiii'gh‘s longcsi i'iinnmg iiidic night. proy idiiig a prcdictablc biii iioiicthclcss i'cIiabIc mi\ ol lhc bcsl ciirrciit and classic altcrnatiy c. L‘l'iissin L‘l‘ ltlllc‘s.

I Freequal at lhc Bongo ('Iiib Monthly. .\'c\i datc 2‘) .lllll.

I Frisco Disco at \m. \liiiiilily \c‘\l ildlc (t Jill.

I The Fun at ligo. llpiii 3am. £2. I5 .Iiin. Monthly. Rcsidcnt I).Is Morgan and Simmonc Black (Ruby l‘I'llllI dcmonstraic high-gradc I).I skills in thc popular sty lcs ol garagc and Iioiisc.

I Funkey Magic at 'l'lic (‘ocicaii l.oiingc. llpiii 3am. £5. I5 .liiii. Monthly. Soiil-fiicllcd dccp Iioiisc tor pilgrims hostcd by 'I'hc llofl l’ioicci and lioyy boasting liy c pcrciission Ii‘om 'l'agg, I Ghetto Fabulous ai lllc \‘ciiiic llitp liltltllil. \litlllltly. \L‘\I (lillL‘ lbc.

I Go-Go al 'l'hc (’oclcaii l.oiingc. l(I.3(Ii)iii 3am. £4. 22 Jim. Monthly 'l'all Paul Robinson. :\ngiis .r\-( io-( io and Kaiscr (icorgc host thcir incrcasingly popular. syy inging ()lls garagc. surf and psy chc night.

I House Of Lords at lhc ('oiiiiting lloiisc. 9pm 2am. U). 22 .liiii only. Anothci' hiigcly cntcrtaiiiing cycning \y ill) \ic (ialloyyay (Radio ()nc Scssion In Scotland) and his chiims. ()babcii and Waync l’aychcck play liy c and DI dcligltt comcs from Boogic Mo Dynamo and Mark ‘l)cck\yrccka‘ Robcrtsoii i [In /,I\Il. I Keep It Unreal at l-Lgo.

l()pm 3am. £8 (£7). 8 Jim. Bi—monihly. Sqitonk ciitliiisiast and all-round iii/Iy fclla Mr Scruff rctiirns for aiiotlicr lim- fiicllcd 5-hr scssioii. :\s \y c Icarni from lhc last iiistalmcnt. lhc sound sy stcm noyy rocks Iikc it should and thc iiiimbcrs arc doyy n so's cy cry body has plcnty of room toiack thcir bodics \\ ith \y ild abandon.

I Lost at Stitdio 24. ll) 30pm 3am. £8 (£6 mcmbcrs): £5 bclorc midnight. Monthly. .\'c.\t dalc 2‘) Jun.

I Magik at 'l'hc \cniic (loyycr tyyo floors). l().3()pm 3am. £8 (£7). I5 .Iiiii. Monthly. launch of a brand ncyy night that's sct to tantalisc your lastc buds \y ith quality hotisc. Spccial giicsts Scott Bradford and Scooby (Shindig. Ncyy'castlc) rock tlic main floor along

\\ ill) l()L‘ul l()L‘ls Kc‘y ill Jillics (Rtiilii) liorth) and Magik rcsidcnt l.ornc l’iimic. Down in thc coolcr. l).\l(' hip hop champ Riichic Riifftonc ciiis shit up yy ith a littlc hpr from Nasty I’.

I Majestica at .\'oa. Monthly. .\'c\i datc 2‘) Jun \yith spccial giicsl l)arrcn I)ay ics (Rhiimba l.

I Manga at La Bcllc .-\ngclc.

l()pm 3am. £9 (£7) in adyancc; £Ill (£8) on ihc door. l5 Jim. Monthly. 'I'hc girls giy c thc guys a run for llicir moncy tonight as 'I‘ania Syy ift and spccial giicsl Allcycat (Skiinkrock) front tip to 'l'lic (icnci'al and (i-Mac in a drum tk bass battlc It) bchold.

I Modern Lovers at 'l‘hc (‘oclcaii l.oiingc (doyynstairs at ligo). Monthly. NC“ iltilc () Jill.

I Nuklear Puppy at .\’o;i.

l()pm 3am. £0 (£5). l5 Jim. Monthly. Brand ncyy progrcssiy c to hard Iioiisc night bcai'ing a fairly risiblc namc ‘niiclcar' is clcycrly mispcIt to prc-cmpt a planncd sponsorship dcal \y ith \iiklcii/ Rccords. 'l‘o bc in yy ith a chancc of

\y inning a frcc mix (‘I) and frcc may to thc launch. scnd your namc and mobilc phonc niimbcr io ()77‘)o ()3I 8%». You might as “ch.

I Pillbox at Studio 24. Ill.3lli)iii 3am. £8 (£5). I5 Jtin. Monthly. (ici ihc l’crsian riigs in for anothci' funky to fcck hard tcchno scssion. this month lt‘illlll'lllg‘ giicsl l)J l’icrrc and l'csidcllls llytiilsiitig and J-l.oop in thc main room. l'pstairs. I)a Nccillc Sistcrs. \Vhiictrash Idiot and Insomniacs (liy c) sloyy things doyyn a touch. .\'c\i month sccs giicsl appcaranccs from liy N Bass and Julian Libcrator.

I Planet Earth at llic (‘itrtis (‘liib

Ill z(lpm ‘yam £4 \\cckly I'Iic \ai‘icd miisical dclights of thc “(Is and 8lls. \\Illl a particular sticss laid on that madcap magic kiioyy n as disco .\o smoking at thc bar plcasc

I Playhouse .ii l‘lic llitlli‘ycitltll‘

Ill. i(lpm 5am £lbc 22 Jim only [p and coming ll\ c Iioiisc act Silicoiic Soiil (Sonia) shoyy casc thcir smooth giooy cs III thc main ioom \yliilc l'okyo Blii il’atli ls’ccoids) liiiik things up tliioiigli thc


I Radio Babylon .ii I .i Bcllc .\iigi-Ic Monthly \csi daic b Jill

I Rampage .tl l‘llk‘ \\ L‘c l\)t‘tl lldl' \i‘\l datc 2 i Jim at lhc \cniic

I Reflex at l'go. I Ipiii 5.IIII. £8 ( £7) 22 JUN. Monthly. lack yoiii body to sonic slick tcch Iioiisc giooy cs siipplicd by spccial giicsl .\lc\ Knight ll'.ll\‘.ll Rccoi'ds) and thc i‘csidcnts l aiiiic and (illl'ls

I Resistance at l'hc \cniic iloyyci l\\() lliiitl'sl. \liilllllly. \i‘\l ildli‘ l5 .llll

\y ith thc first birthday cclcbiations.

I Rhombus at llic \ciiiic iloyycr tyyo lli)i)l‘sl. Monthly. \mt datc 22 .lllll.

I Roadblock at l’o \a \a.

I Ipiii iaiii. £1.\\'cckly. \icci l‘\l()|l\lllt‘ trallic in bad iiiiisic \\llt‘ll slic digs iip tlic bcsl iii liiiik. disco. Iioiisc and block i'ockin' bcals.

I Salsa con Cabor at H liaiiio. l()pm 3am. l-icc. \\cck|y. .Ioiii I).I llcctoi'. \aiio and thc latin possc at this s\\ iiigiiig barrio pai'iy \y hcic lltc tciiiiila riiiis likc \yatci.

0 Scottish Cyber Ball at Siiiilio 2-1. ‘lpm 3am. £l i in adyancc iayailablc lrom I‘lip bascmciil. (il‘itllllil ('oiiti'ol and l.callicr i\ lacci; £ I 5 on tltc door. 22 .liiii only. Morc lctish Inn and Ii'olics at llic sccond aimiial (‘ybcr Ball. lcatiiriiig banging acid lcclino from l.ost. Joy and l'.-Riiptor on llic main ll()i)l and rock. goth and industrial Irom llcll ()n Izarlh and Van) in tlic upstairs siiilc. Scc \Vord [p for dctails on lrcc lickcls. Scc lliilisi. I Shift at .\'oa. Ill.3(lpm 3am. £o (£5). 8 Jill). Monthly. Sliilt arc rcally Iiy iiig tip to ilicii' namc ihcsc days. occupying a iicyy ycniic practically cyci‘y dalc. biil hopcfiilly stability lics ahcad as llicy launch thcir ncyy i'csidcncy at .\'oa. llard Iioiisc rcsoimds Ill thc main room \yith rcsidcnt VR Ross pliis giicsis. \yliilc 'l'im Makin plays uplifting to fimky Iioiisc in thc back \y ith support Irom .Iolin

Mcl )(itlald.

I Skillz at 'llic ('aycndish.

I()..‘s()pm 3am. £4 bcforc midnight; £5 aftci‘. \Vcckly. 'lhc iiigltl formcrly knoyyii as ilic Mambo ('liib iindcrgocs a rc- branding c\crcisc and bccomc Skilll. 'Ihankfiilly. thc namc is lltc only changc as Sir ( )ssic. M(' and 'l‘.\”l‘ arc still

pt'oy idiiig thc bcsi iii i'cggac. ragga. soul. funk. rap. hip hop and Rin for thcir dcdicatcd croyyd.

I Spectral at \Vcc Rcd Bar.

I Ipiii 3am. £5 (£4). 8 Jill). Monthly. l’hil Dickson and Day c :\ndcrson coiitinuc

\y ith lhcir quality blciid ol dccp Iioiisc and tcchno. ('hcck your attitiidc at thc door bccaiisc thc atmosphcrc hcrc is too l'riciidly for issiics.

O Sublime at 'I‘hc lloncycomb. lll..5li[)Ill 3am. £8 (£(ii. I5 Jiin. I-‘ortnightly. \ch -hcy it‘s ihc sl\lll birth- day of this slaplc lrancc and tcclmo night. fcatiiring spccial giicsl I)J Massimo \'i\ona playing llyL'. Support in thc front room comcs from thosc classy i‘csidcnts Kcy Wright and ldgc. yyliilc (iary Mac and l'li\ ill) thc back foot)! brcaks and bcais ysork-oiii. Scc l’rcy icyy and lliilisi.

I Summit at .\'oa. Monthly. .\'c\t datc llk'.

I Texture at La lit-llc Angclc.

I lpm 3am. £5 bcforc midnight; £(i alicr. 8 Jim. Monthly. (icorgc Mitchcll and Martin Spcncc of lip-coming local labcl 'lc\llll'c Rccords ltiisl a l'csidcnls night of progrcssiy c to tchi-hoiisc. If you’d Iikc to samplc thc TLWlllI'L' sound bcforc hot footing it doyy II to thc club. aiirally pcriisc y). \y \\liircrcci) at your lcistirc.