Rear view

_ Phil Kay

As goes comedy Crazy, gives Rooltiles‘. '("tttit/'. ‘.\lottssel|ini'. ‘(ireetigrass' and ‘l‘oolstar'. .\lso. tllltl l’L‘l‘llaps L‘\ L‘ll l'l'tilll lk‘lllllill'ls

I Whether there is a name lor a medieal eondition in ltaliati lot“ \\ hen a person‘s knees are injured permanently lroni too mneh pray ing. Would it he a lunny —stroke—sad little lilni ol a lovely little old lady \\ ho is more or I ()rganie pinips. less ordered to stop praying. real pray ing. on—yourrknees pray ing; has had I (living tip eounting the spokes on your vvheel again. her last great aet ol‘ hope taken ll‘ttlll her liy a doetor. supposedly \\.1y

I Seriously. the diamonds vvoven itito Andy Warhol'sjuniper. under the leyel ol~ ( iod t’l’lie .v\lniighty l and hovy this kills her, that sllr‘ may I Breaking a meringue tip with the very eiid ol’a long hull-\vliip. liay e been sending otit prayers to nothing. and perhaps her later epiphany I

comedians who are short on ideas.

I Ben .lolitisotrs just plain enormous shits.

I ('heating at gardening.

I Designing the Smart (‘ar listate.

I Medieval-thenied supermarkets.

I ( ‘oinedians with antique lanips as their merehandise l‘or sale at gigs; and their own hair and pool table hai/e.

I Btiild Your Own International (‘onvention ('entre Kit.

I l’iek—Your-( )vvn l’eet.

I Betamax Stonehenge.

I Very very old l)uteh Maltesers.

I Death by hulling.

I llavitig all the lighters you‘ve ever had back again.

I Slipping the phrase "l‘hree 'l’-hone steaks please‘ into a conversation with your auntie who has varicose veins. You auntie you.

I l'sing hinoeulars iii a large B & Q.

I Who Wants To Be A Sea-Bass'.’

I Oh yeah. runner bean bags.

I Beating up James Brown in Aberdeen iii September later this year.

I Anagrams ol Polish tovvns (ude ).

I Sponsoring the (libs.

I Auto l’redietive Text Messaging Letter Dialling l"aei|ity l‘ailure returning you to simply having to dial three times to get an ‘i’ and so on: like l‘ueking death in a niche of failure within a niche ereated to help us.

I The Moseovv State (‘ireus

I (‘oeks. tits. gays. lood. Areher.

I l’rinee Naseeni iii the (‘iorhals stuck at traffic lights in a Peugeot l()(i.

I Does all that weight really get supported by just the spokes'.’

I l‘aleon (‘rest on lee.

I Bad names for hands: ‘Rutger and The

that sending them otit and lieliey ing \\ ere her triumphs and her aeliieyenients and that

she \\as the ( iod She \vas

praying to. then sudden

intense guilt and a stroke at the thought til it. !

I Vietnam and the they were not in”. “at, fingers-"I5 I(‘an l’ing l’ong eool

tlt\\\ tl .)

I .-\ l'titlt‘ti tllt‘llttltitl'y. I New Digital Sundial. I 'l‘lie tie\\ l)y son lroti. \\ itli triple steaming aetion. tniahle to lundanientally improve on a haste design. I 'lripping tip Bertolueei ivy iee. I (’orrugated tsiel hriekvvork. I\\'liere have the plastie/niagnetie 'lingers eoniing otit the hoot‘ things gone'.’ .-\nd niotoryvay \erges peppered vv itli little lost knuekles that may eonl'use luture geologists or eertainly eause some eonl'usion among younger kids \\ hose dads liay e slovy ed doyv ti tor a pee and they ean see them in the grass as they drive ol‘l‘. 'Sliut tip aliout those lingers in the lay—liy son. they \v ere not lingers . . f I lnitialised etirtains. I Let yyaking dogs go haek to sleep also. I 0/ plonk lest. I liseitingly dressed \yonien \ylio \\ ill elitnh tip the seall'olding to ansvy er the ealls ol' littilders laee to laee. I A small eonipartnient in the heel ol' a shoe that ean he used to hold milk and make hutter vy liile out elulihing. I llearing: ‘Sei/e llini‘ shouted in a small tovvn phariiiaey. I (loatsniilkshakes.

Out Thursday 16 August

Gaz Coombes steps back into the limelight

the cult comic hits the big screen the legendary dancer takes to acting underground politics at the Book Festival

Glasgow Green latest with Travis, Eminem, Marilyn Manson and Mull Historical Society

48 THE LIST 9-46 Aug 20m