THE INSIDER Who’s getting up to what

I Insider's younger sister confirms it's (:rossphadors at dawn as Edinburgh gears up for a drum 8. bass contest threatening these guiet city streets wrth a storm of strops and sulks. As drum 8. l); ss enthusiasts are no doubt ant/are. Manga promoter G- Mac has until now ruled the roost lll terms of staging live events and club nights. That Is set to change next month \.'.:hon some serious competition emerges from Mischief at The Venue anday if) Octoberi and Metalheadz at The Honeycomb (Friday 26 Octoberi. Not to be outdone. G Mac has upped the ante by staging two additional drum 8. bass events tho same month: tho Movement Tour featuring DJ Marky and Bryan Gee at la Belle Angelo on Thursday 1 1 October and Kosheen at Tho Arches. Glasgow on Wednesday 17 October. Let tho garnos begin.

I Insider. who generally prefers to sit on tho arse rather than spin and bounce on tho hall of tho foot. has noticed a new trend emerging lll tho cities: put) cinema. Stella Artois. that well— kll()‘-.'/ll provider of expensive beer is provrding free movres. Its so|f~ named ‘Cinebars’ are up and screening at Blackfriars in Glasgow lsee News» and Oxygen lll Edinburgh. Basically. you can go to one of these venues and sit around watching DVD Video


6 THE LIST 11’, 8-3;, -'. ()t,l LIV-“ll

projections of such popular recent movies as Charlie '3 Angels or Almost Famous. Not bad. but the Brass Monkey in Edinburgh has gone one step further the managers of the recently refurbished old man's pub have lifted the lid on Insider's head and looked at brain's desire. There is a backroom cinema with DVD/video j'Jrojection. but in the surroundings of a room decorated in a style of what can only be described as a Turkish harem. And. there are Enter The Dragon and Taxi Driver posters plastered all over the walls. This is heaven.

I This really is a load of arty bollocks. The John Cage Project is an organ performance of avant gardo American composer John Cage's piano piece ‘ASLSP (As Slow as Possible)‘ happening at the former Buchardi monastery in Halberstadt. Germany. But ‘happening' is the wrong word here, as the original. minimal twenty-minute piece is being elongated but quite the opposite of expanded to . . . 639 years. Yep. (339 years. This means the first note won't be heard for another year and a half, and then it'll merely be the sighing of an expanding organ bellow. The new length of ‘ASLSP' is a reference to the construction of the first of the world famous Halberstadt organs six and a half centuries ago. Organisers say their Project is

intended to ‘contrast with the hectic pace of change in the modern world'. Ah-huh. However. accepting that the space between notes may err on the side of tedium, the organisers are interjecting a dance performance plus two more ‘upbeat' organ concerts to gee things up a bit. This is a cheat. If you're setting out to bore peeple in the most pretentious manner possible. do . ..it . . . properly, . . . other. .. wise...it...does..not... sodding . . . well . . . count.

I Anti-capitalist US rap act The Coup have had to change the cover art for their new album after the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington. The cover. conceptualised several months ago. showed illustrations of the World Trade Centre being blown up.

El Finally. Insider feels something else must be said about the terrorist attack on America. But what can be said? Words are failing everyone. In fact. all action has been falling everyone in America‘s entertainment industry. Theatres. cinemas and cable television screens went dark. Hollywood has overhauled its release schedules so that. among other films. Collateral Damage. the new Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie about a man avenging his family after they are killed in an explosion in a skyscraper, has been shelved. Insider even heard rumours that the release of Steven Spielberg's A./. Artificial Intelligence was to be postponed because of the ending which features the now destroyed twin towers of the World Trade Centre rising out of a flooded New York. Sad. sad times.


‘We’re just naturally bland.’ Travis' Andy Dun/op does a spot of soul searching.

‘The British equivalent of the American mountains inhabited by a sprinkling of paranoid conspiracy theorists, gun-toting Final Solution crack pots and anti- government obsessives.’ Editor of the Rough Guide to Wales paints a pretty picture.

‘l’m one of them blokes. There’s not much I can’t turn my hand to.’

The mum-talented Mr Vinnie Jones reflects modest/y on his abilities.

‘These executives and doctors treated him like a sub-human piece of dog shit.’

Courtney Love rails against the Kurt destrOying industry.

‘The universes of grief, oceans of loss and deserts of emptiness were so profound I just descended into a very primitive state.’

Sir Bob Geldof poetical/y describes his loss of Ms Yates to Michael Hutchence.

‘The radio makes hideous sounds}

Gravel- voiced Bob Dylan disapproves of modern pop.

‘He knew he’d done wrong. But he wouldn’t be on camera apologising to me. So when people

say, “Was Nasty

Nigel really

nasty?” and

everyone goes, “Nooooahfl

actually he was.’

Kym Marsh of Hear 'Say puts the capital N into Nasty over the ‘lat' episode.

Kym from Hear’Say